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anger, darkness, feeling, honesty, light, love, sanctification, thought life, wrath
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Keeping a close eye on all different thoughts and impulses that come from the inside, I have been realizing that those things that I do not want to accept in me still make me feel like a prisoner and somehow urge me to project them on others in whom I (seem to) see what I hate to see in myself.
By nature I am a woman who wants to live in harmony with everyone – that’s my people pleaser problem. Although I have come to know that this pious hope actually is a pious fraud, I was afflicted recently by my old habit of trying to satisfy several people whose expectations on me could not have been more contradictory than they were and it would have needed about 48 hours a day of dealing with them.
Briefly, I was pooling all my human forces in order to reconcile what cannot be reconciled – by Susanne alone. Maybe, I was trying to do God’s job of making the impossible possible. Thank God, I failed. However, the lesson was painful, though…
Jesus said,
“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” (Mt 5:37 ESV)
It is not so that I do not grasp what Jesus meant here. But alas – I still have problems with saying, “No!” when someone wants me to do something for them. Admittedly, I do not really dare to count how often I still say, “Yes,” but I truly mean, “No!!!”
Q: “Do I neglect my own needs with that behavior?”
A: “Yes, almost always.”
Q: “And in so doing, what consequences have come to light?”
A: “I felt burnt out and I lost the peace of God to which I had been used before. Not His love, to be sure, but particularly joy and peace were gone. Completely. Ouch!”
And the worst thing to me is that I have always known what went wrong, yet I could not change my ways. Not at all! Like a prisoner in chains!! I was so afraid of rejection by being the Susanne who I really am that I decided to remain in that old snake’s skin of which I have, truly, wanted to get rid of for decades. Ugh!!
Finally, after a much too short night, I have been praying for more than three hours this morning and I REALLY needed that time with God. If someone wonders about the time I spend in prayer, it is always God-given – no human being would be able to talk with God longer than a few minutes unless God draws them with His LOVE. Feeling Him loving me, unconditionally, whatever I might think or feel, frees me to let it all out.
And so it was today.
At first I was full of sorrow and worries, thinking about the many things I ought to do in the future – for others. The more I thought about that, the more I felt lumps of anger forming within my heart and within my throat. Anger of not being able to live MY OWN LIFE. Although God often nudged me to truly let it all out, I did not dare it in the beginning until I felt those lumps increasing and eventually “exploding” inside of me.
Then I was weeping and complaining about why God gave me so much to do which I cannot handle. I asked Him why He had not yet helped me see those things more clearly and to simplify my life. God instead asked me three times tenderly, “Are you angry with me?”
However, two times I explained to Him why I was angry with others. And indeed it also felt good to disclose my wrath against those who seemingly “control” my life. Yet as God asked me for the third time, Susanne honestly replied, “Yes, I am mad at You, too.”
And believe or not – at that moment I felt free – and peaceful – and joyful as well.
Entering the Promised Land 
Hi Susan, thank you for sharing so honestly. I totally can identify with you on the same struggle. I read a book called “Boundary” a few years ago that totally helped me and equipped me to cope better. Hope you find this book useful.
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Thanks for the book tip, Joanna, and thank your for identifying with me in THIS. 😉 I guess we are not alone since many, many women struggle with these things, way more than men – who knows why?
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This is s a great book with some very important life principles in it that keep people from invading and trying to take over control of your life. It also shows when we are doing this very thing to others with many examples.
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Sounds interesting! Thanks for adding your view here, Michael.
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I have found in my experiences with the creator that he likes it when im completely honest with him about how I feel and think and then I tell him that since he wants me to think and feel like Christ then he will have to CAUSE me to think and feel like Christ–of course he will tell me yes I will but you are going to have to participate–when it comes down–then I get the peace and rest–he is such a sweet father.
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Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Kenneth. And you are sooo right: Our Daddy in Heaven is the sweetest Father imaginable! How could we not love Him?
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Susanne, one thing that I have observed about Jesus was that He was never driven by necessity. He was quite at rest when those in His earthly family demanded things of Him. One time they were bugging Him about going up to Jerusalem with them to the feast and He said, “Your time is always. My time is not yet come.” Couple this with the fact that He only did what He saw His Father doing, what He was saying, “You are in the flesh and you can do whatever you like, but I only do what I see my Father doing.”
Later He got word that His friend Lazarus was dying and Mary and Martha were compelling Him to come and heal their brother. It says that He stayed in the place He was at for three more days! Then He finally went to Bethany after it was too late to save Lazarus from dying and, oh, the ridicule He got from the two sisters, “If you had just come when we called you, but oh no, you took your own sweet time and now he is dead!”
Another time He told the disciple to get in the boat and row to the other side of the sea of Galilee and fell asleep in the bottom of the boat and a big storm came up and He just slept through it while the disciples were fighting it and bailing water for all the were worth. They finally awoke Him and said, “Don’t you care that we are dying here?” Again necessity did not move Him! He heard the Father say, “Go to the other side of the lake!” Not, “Go out into the middle of the lake and drown.”
I think that there is a BIG key here to finding our peace and rest IN the Father… listening to HIM alone and doing what HE says and not caving-in to all the other voices that speak to us without any faith in the Father, themselves, as they try to get their OWN wills done. If these people were listening to God they would not have acted the way they did as they begged Jesus to do what they wanted. We need to enter into His rest and abide there and only do the works our Daddy has for us to do. It is here alone that we will find grace and power for the works. If we step out to do the will of man, we will always lack the power to do it and burn out. Learning the difference is how we, “Labor, therefore, to enter into that rest.” Remember, “For it is IN HIM that we live and move and have our being” and never in ourselves. Satan always tries to get us to act on our own or at the behest of carnal men and women.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God has before ordained that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10 KJ2000). In THESE works is where we find His rest, grace and peace. Bless you, my sister!!! God is doing a great work in you and remember, He can take our best shot and still will go on loving us. It is better to be honest with Him, for He sees our hearts and hears our words and Truth in our inward parts happens when the are both in agreement.
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Oh, Michael, how I would love to be a bit more like Jesus who “was never driven by necessity”!!!
Amen to your whole comment, my brother! Very insightful AND God-breathed. Thank you for taking the time to show the biblical solution.
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Amen and amen. I have a long history of failure to please men. I thank God for the failure, even though it was painful, very painful.
Love to all,
Pat Orr
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So sorry to hear that you have a long history regarding this people pleaser stuff, Pat. And that it was VERY painful, too.
Knowing you from your comments on the web, I saw that you are always kind, gracious, and appreciative. The Body of Christ urgently needs you and your continued wise input so that it can be build up in His LOVE (Eph 4:16)!!!
BTW, I admit that my “Thank God, I failed” was quite self-ironic because that stripping process has been very painful. However, if it did NOT hurt that much, would sleepy Suzie ever wake up and cry out in pain, “Lord, help me!!!!!”?
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In Hebrews chapter four we read a strange dichotomy, “Labor, therefore, to enter into His rest.” The labor we go through is this trial and error process of wearing ourselves out living the wrong way by the dictates of our own souls and the souls of men to get to this place where we can rest and walk in the Spirit of God just as Jesus did. Jesus said to Saul of Tarsus as He was hell bent to persecute the church, “Saul, Saul, isn’t it hard to kick against the goads?” Saul was soon to learn about the importance of walking only by the voice of God and not by the traditions and dictates of men.
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Very well said, Michael.
“The labor we go through is this trial and error process of wearing ourselves out living the wrong way by the dictates of our own souls and the souls of men to get to this place where we can rest and walk in the Spirit of God just as Jesus did.”
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