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chains, childhood, flash of light, freedom, guilt, head knowledge, heart knowledge, mortal danger, parents, psychology, sanctification, surgeries, traumata
Broken Chain (Photo taken from http://eudoranachand.files.wordpress.com)
By proclaiming the following words from the Old Testament, Jesus confirmed that they have been fulfilled in His own person.
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (Lk 4:18-19 ESV)
And from his own experience the apostle Paul stated,
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Cor 3:17 ESV)
Indeed, it is one thing to read about it and another thing to experience the truth of what is written in the Bible. I think you could compare it with head and heart knowledge. However, heart knowledge that always springs from our own experience never makes a detour round our mind so that we would be forced to believe something we could not also imagine. Although God’s logic and wisdom is not comparable with ours, He would never force us to believe something as long our mind says, “No – I can’t believe it.”
God’s ways are unfathomable and much different from that we might imagine. Always. That fact makes life with God to a both mind-altering and heart-changing experience. In order to illustrate the spiritual process of being freed by God, I decided to share how our Lord deals with me regarding these things.
Some years ago, as I was lying in bed praying in the night, I suddenly jumped.
“Ouch!!! What was THIS?”
There was something I had never felt before. Actually out of the blue, while having been in a peaceful state before, a flash of light that was similar to a more or less small electric shock made my body cringe. The center of the flash was obviously my heart since I heard and felt that a chain there had been broken asunder.
So far, so good.
Since the Lord did not answer my question as to what that event might have meant, I simply thanked Him for having freed me from “whatever” and fell into a peaceful sleep again.
But the very next day suffering began.
Although the chain around my heart was gone, now I could see more and more clearly what had been hidden behind. Without going into detail here, you could also compare that process with walking into a dark cellar and opening a door that had been locked for decades until you dare to open it for the very first time.
YIKES!
Only dust and dirt, filthy darkness everywhere. No light at all. Opening the window (i.e., letting God’s light in), you see it is a mess. Oh, I was the mess! Not sure whether I really wanted to know this, yet then I saw it clearly. Holy Moly! And the enlightening process had just begun.
Although I thought before that this painful flash had already freed me, it simply brought some light into my darkness. Seeing so many old wounds and still painful experiences from my past, I was wondering whether it might be really possible to ever be free from these things. And the years of weeping began…..
The tears dried up, again and again. But as soon as another chain was broken asunder, suffering began anew. For years…Truly, I never liked that process of being healed and set free. I would often ask the Lord why He did not simply “press a button” so that I could have been freed in the wink of an eye.
However, last night there was something that was so different from those many chains that had been broken before. The light that unexpectedly as always flashed through my heart, caused NO pain at all. Instead, the chain around my heart was softly pulled apart, and the light was floating in bright waves through my body until it reached my hands. Indeed, it was a quite blissful experience.
Yet Susanne was still suspicious, waiting for another painful process lying ahead of her. In the morning I actually awoke with fear and pain in my heart, yet for the first time I could very clearly see where my fears in life have come from. The Lord showed me different fear-evoking situations of which I did not want to be reminded again. He quasi took me by the hand and helped me see the connection between the first situation that caused my underlying anxiety and the following years when I often experienced panic attacks in rather different situations.
As I was about two years old, I had to undergo the first of several surgeries in my life. At that time it was a life to death decision for my parents to commit their little daughter to the care of a big university hospital. It was anything but easy for them, but they were told that parents would not be allowed to be there. I remember the moment when I was desperately clinging to my father’s neck, not wanting him and my mother to leave me alone there in that aseptic hospital bed. My father told me later that he thought that I would choke him and he wondered where my enormous physical power came from. And it grieved him a lot that he had to leave me there. My mother was even thinking about committing suicide when the doctors told her that they were not convinced I could ever be healed, that is, which age their daughter might be able to reach.
One or two years later as we were on vacation, I was swimming with my mother in a huge lake (Chiemsee). I was not swimming completely on my own, yet I would hold fast onto her shoulders and kept swimming behind her. Suddenly my mother got into a panic and began to scream. Her feet had touched creepers in which her feet got more and more entangled. I only remember that I was shocked and tried to hold her by her neck in order to not let go of her.
My father later told me that he had to rescue us both because I choked my mother and he was afraid that I would drown her. Can you imagine that I felt guilty for decades about it, not knowing how to get rid of these feelings which only reappeared when I hit the panic button myself?
Hi Susanne,
Oh, what a worthy journey; Roy Masters would be proud.
And speaking of…
“The Journey”
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.
-By Mary Oliver
Thank you,
Don
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Thank you, my friend. Heaven help me I am not yet living on sunshine at the end of the rainbow…BUT I am on my way as we all are. Indeed, Don, I am amazed at how you, again, detected the proper words that are so heart-touching as the poem by Mary Oliver is. Very good choice!
Much love,
Susanne
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Hi Susanne,
Yet it would seem there are times when one’s thoughts (with no words) say more…
What He Thought
We were supposed to do a job in Italy
and, full of our feeling for
ourselves (our sense of being
Poets from America) we went
from Rome to Fano, met
the Mayor, mulled a couple
matters over. The Italian literati seemed
bewildered by the language of America: they asked us
what does “flat drink” mean? and the mysterious
“cheap date” (no explanation lessened
this one’s mystery). Among Italian writers we
could recognize our counterparts: the academic,
the apologist, the arrogant, the amorous,
the brazen and the glib. And there was one
administrator (The Conservative), in suit
of regulation gray, who like a good tour guide
with measured pace and uninflected tone
narrated sights and histories
the hired van hauled us past.
Of all he was most politic–
and least poetic– so
it seemed. Our last
few days in Rome
I found a book of poems this
unprepossessing one had written: it was there
in the pensione room (a room he’d recommended)
where it must have been abandoned by
the German visitor (was there a bus of them?) to whom
he had inscribed and dated it a month before. I couldn’t
read Italian either, so I put the book
back in the wardrobe’s dark. We last Americans
were due to leave
tomorrow. For our parting evening then
our host chose something in a family restaurant,
and there we sat and chatted, sat and chewed, till,
sensible it was our last big chance to be Poetic, make
our mark, one of us asked
“What’s poetry?
Is it the fruits and vegetables
and marketplace at Campo dei Fiori
or the statue there?” Because I was
the glib one, I identified the answer
instantly, I didn’t have to think– “The truth
is both, it’s both!” I blurted out. But that
was easy. That was easiest
to say. What followed taught me something
about difficulty,
for our underestimated host spoke out
all of a sudden, with a rising passion, and he said:
The statue represents
Giordano Bruno, brought
to be burned in the public square
because of his offence against authority, which was to say
the Church. His crime was his belief
the universe does not revolve around
the human being: God is no
fixed point or central government
but rather is poured in waves, through
all things: all things
move. “If God is not the soul itself,
he is the soul OF THE SOUL of the world.” Such was
his heresy. The day they brought him forth to die
they feared he might incite the crowd (the man
was famous for his eloquence). And so his captors
placed upon his face
an iron mask
in which he could not speak.
That is how they burned him.
That is how he died,
without a word,
in front of everyone. And poetry–
(we’d all put down our forks by now, to listen to
the man in gray; he went on softly)– poetry
is what he thought, but did not say.
by Heather McHugh
This may be why it is no lie for God to declare: “But women will be saved through childbearing–if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” And why it was no shame for Uriah the Hittite to (quietly) lay done his life for his adulterous (yes, he knew) wife. More could be said, but why? Sine the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.
God bless you and yours,
Don
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Indeed, Don, there are no words to describe what was going on in my mind when I read your comment above for the very first time yesterday. Scratching my head, I was thinking, ‘Huh? What is THIS??’ 😉
Therefore I could not reply to you immediately. The only thing I did was a little editing of that poem as I already did with the first poem you posted further above, by adding italics and bold print so that everyone can clearly see where the poem begins and ends.
Hmm…Thinking about it…Actually, that would be a decisive quality improvement if WordPress could offer such editing tools not only for bloggers but for every commenter as well…Just my two cents…
But back on topic.
In fact, as it was often the case in the past, your seemingly cryptic comment contained a prophetic message for me, namely,
“God is no fixed point or central government but rather is poured in waves, through all things: all things move.”
Although I had experienced the truth of what has been said here several times before, God gave me a deeper insight into these things last night while praying. It is rather difficult to describe what I saw in these visions, yet I’ll try to illustrate it a bit, nonetheless.
Praying to the Father and the Son who are persons that I can see, touch, and talk with in my spirit, I suddenly felt that seven chains (!) that had been tied around my heart, still, were very tenderly pulled apart. I was so relieved and thankful for it.
Then I perceived the beginning of a vision although my eyes had been closed. [Just for clarification, we can see visions with our inner eyes whether we have our physical eyes opened or closed – both is possible. Visions are always four-dimensional in that sense that you see a sort of three-dimensional film that is lit by a clearly supernatural light (that is, it is very different from what we know on earth) plus the visionary is immediately stripped of his normal sense of time.]
What I saw then were softly lit three-dimensional cascades of light that were continually moving around themselves, like both white and multicolored flying snakes, becoming thicker and thinner, changing their colors time and again as soon as they were touching themselves or other cascades with which they were merging until they, finally, were moving apart again.
Several times I saw a kind of black hole between them which was not easy to focus [my eyes were hurting from trying to look longer at these holes], but then, out of the dark (not blue 😉 ) bright fireworks gave birth to ever new cascades of light.
Asking God about the meaning behind these manifestations, He pointed me to the fact that it was the Holy Spirit’s work both in me and in the whole creation which I had been allowed to behold.
So, thank you for sharing that poem here, Don. Much appreciated!! 🙂
As for your last paragraph, yes – the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. However, knowing that you possess eloquence of talking AND writing AND a poetic tongue yourself, and that you encourage women to develop their skills so that they are no longer a “mute” part of the church, I would also encourage every woman who senses the prompting of the Holy Spirit in her heart and mind to share her experiences publicly, to fully trust in our Lord who will bring to completion what he has begun in her (Phil 1:6).
May God bless you and your whole family as well!
Godspeed,
Susanne
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Yes!!!! This is the work of the Lord, my dear sister… to break every yoke of fear and oppression in our lives and give us spiritual sight to see what HE sees in us so that we can release all our captivity unto HIM without reservation. I never saw how important “giving sight to the blind” really is and why it was included in that passage that Jesus read in Luke ch. four. Spiritual sight is integral to our being fully set free. If we can’t see as HE does that we are poor, miserable, blind and naked (the church of Laodicea), how will we ever open the door to Him to fully come in and sup with us in spiritual communion? Lord, give us eye salve that we might truly see what YOU see!
In John we read, “And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into this world, that they who see not might see; and that they who see might be made blind. And some of the Pharisees who were with him heard these words, and said unto him, ‘Are we blind also?’ Jesus said unto them, If you were blind, you should have no sin: but now you say, We see; therefore your sin remains.” (John 9:39-41 KJ2000)
There is no greater captivity than one in which the person thinks they are free and can “see” when they are spiritually bound and blind and self-righteousness does this to people. God wants to set the captives free through the miraculous power of His Son and you, dear sister, are going through a deep work by the power of His might as He shows you how HE sees you (that dank cellar) and you call out for His healing light and help. Just like it was with the blind man who cried out in spite of the nae- saying crowd, “Jesus of Nazareth have mercy on me! … Lord that I might see.” YOU will be totally healed because of your honesty and persistent faith to be free in Christ.
You remain in my prayers and please pray for me as well as you gain more spiritual sight and that light shines forth from your hands.
Michael
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Thank you for confirming what the Lord had put into my heart a few hours before I read your comment, Michael. I am speaking here particularly of your interpretation of the light that reached my hands and of total healing. Actually, I was still insecure whether it was really God’s voice I heard and therefore I asked Him for confirming it to me. And He did it, through you. Thanks again, my brother! Of course, I will pray for you as I did in the past as well.
PS (seemingly off topic)
By the way, nobody who ever visited my blog sites or my Google account slipped out of my prayers. I also include here all bloggers on whose blogs I commented in the past: you are always in my prayers, too.
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Thank you for sharing your experience, Susanne.
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You are soo welcome, Deborah. Truly, I am so glad to hear from you again. 🙂
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Oh yes Sue there are so many things that our loving father has to free us of especially if we lived any number of years on our own without him..I did not come into relationship with him till I was 25 and boy did I have a. Lot of garbage to get rid of.and now 39 years later he is still bulldozing.
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What a great image, Kenneth, “and now 39 years later he is still bulldozing….”. I am sure that many can relate to what you said here, especially those who have known the Lord for decades and often wonder, “Why is the whole process of purifying our souls not finished yet?”
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Susanne, you have suffered so much. But the comfort of that is the fruit of suffering – which no one can take from you. Thank you for the rich testimony that you share.
Love,
Pat
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Dear Pat,
Thanks so much for your caring, comforting, and wise words. 🙂
With all my love – in Him,
Susanne
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As I have read the above writings, my heart is uplifted, there is so… much that I can and relate to. The fear, the chains around my heart, the dark forbidding cellar, the terror of not knowing what is lufking deep within and the rising panic plaguing my mind and spirit! Sounds so like my own story (did I write this and forget that it was me?) But, no it belongs to you Susanne, we are just walking simular paths of pain and suffering. Kindred sisters.
Susie A.
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Oh, Susie, I’m so glad to hear that your heart has been uplifted. It is indeed possible that you wrote this story since I always forget what I once wrote. 😉 I am truly very forgetful as for all spiritual writings. Also, in Christ all things are ours, sooo…it belongs to you as much as it belongs to me, I would say. 🙂
Thank you for your very encouraging comment, my dear sister. Yes, very well said, “we are just walking simular paths of pain and suffering”. But our goals are the same, I guess, we want to be healed and loved unconditionally, don’t we?
Much love to you ❤ ❤ ❤
Your namesake,
Susanne from Bavaria
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Susie and Susanne, I am so blessed to see you two bond in not only your sufferings, but also your healings which are found IN the Son of God who loves us and makes us instruments of His love for one another. ❤ ❤
Michael
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Dear Michael,
I am glad that you have been blessed as well since you were the one who “made the connection” between Susie and Susi, so to speak. Thank you, my brother! 🙂
Love ❤
Susanne
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