How to explain what can hardly be described verbally? I don’t know what to write about IT yet, but I am trying, though…
Losing track of SELF means letting go of
(1) our thoughts – both negative and positive
(2) our feelings – both negative and positive, too
(3) our plans to do this or that by all means at a certain time
And it also implies to open up our hearts to everyone in utmost vulnerability by abandoning those walls which we built in the past in order to protect us against offenses and attacks from others. Oh, gentle reader, I do know that going through that process is anything but pleasant, but in the end, freedom and unconditional love for everyone will be ours.
I admit that the whole thing sounds rather theoretical until now. Therefore I am going to illustrate it by a picture.
Imagine you are walking along a street, proud of yourself that you eventually fulfilled a duty that had been weighing upon you for some time, and your mind is now filled with joyful thoughts of what you want to do next (as a gratification, so to speak). Continuing on your merry walk, you are getting more and more lost in your expectations as for your planned project which consists of something you REALLY love to do.
But alas, out of the blue, some people approach you and you KNOW what comes next. It has always been so in the past: either you stop and listen to their endless talk while secretly being bored to death and feeling anger because you now cannot do what you wanted, or you opt for flight by telling them that you have no time. However, in both cases you might feel uncomfortable since……maybe it would have been better to listen to them? More “loving”, perhaps?
Actually, Susanne was confronted with such situations so often recently that she thought she’d go nuts soon. More often than usual – waaaaay more often, indeed. 🙂 Well, I think it’s not necessary to mention that I got increasingly angry – not knowing what to do with that negative feeling. Although there were times in my life when I was well-trained in the practice of meditation (ZEN and Kundalini), I know from these experiences that you work for hours in order to let go of one ridiculous thought or feeling, however, the very next day it is back as if it was never gone. And the whole “Let it drop” process begins anew.
“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Mt 19:26 ESV)
And today was a new day where God proved that His Word is true and that He keeps His promises – always!
That does not mean that I had a wonderful day filled with joyful feelings – no!!! Quite the contrary (grin). Yet I realized in those many “anger” situations today that God alone can do what I cannot.
As soon as I felt angry during the day, I sensed God nudging me from the inside to accept that anger by neither suppressing it nor letting it out. I felt that I had to let go of any expectation that I could ever change my feelings on my own and therefore I simply observed them while God began to set me free. Actually, there were so many unpleasant situations today that I cannot stop wondering at the fact that every kind of anger subsided after a few minutes without Susanne having done anything except for admiring God who accomplished the impossible.
What a miraculous God… ❤ ❤ ❤