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experience, feeling, healing, heart, mouth, pain, prophets, speaking, spiritual power, the new self, the old self, tongue, triggers, wounds
What Makes Our Life So Difficult At Times
(Picture taken from http://www.meltdownmentor.com/v6/index.php/meltdown-or-shutdown/triggers)
To start off with, I know that life is a tricky business, too, but here I really meant triggery in the following sense. Take for instance a few little children playing in the sandpit. They are not related and are basically happy to play together. You are sitting on a bench, enjoying the first warming sunrays of springtime and you are watching those kids gladly until something unexpected happens. Right out of the blue you might hear exclamations like,
“This is MY shovel!! Give it back to MEEEE!!!!!” (You can easily imagine the picture you can see now… 😉 ) or,
“I don’t want to be your friend!!!” (Because “I hate red hair!”… “Your nose is too huge!”… “Your parents are silly!” – whatever the accusation)
Indeed, this is the beginning of our triggery life. At an early age the human being will certainly experience pain through hurtful words from others and thus man develops triggers inside his heart that make him extremely vulnerable and highly reactive in similar situations later. I just spoke of verbal abuse, of which the Bible testifies by saying,
“So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.” (James 3:5-9 ESV)
Isn’t it interesting that Scripture points to the impossibility of taming the tongue as long as we try to do it on our own? Before giving an answer to that question, let us look at our normal ways of reacting as soon as someone pulls our triggers, since there are indeed two different kinds of reactions possible. However, none of them will ever set us free.
(1) Emotional outburst aka aggression
One might also say, “Offense is the best defense.” As soon as we feel that we have been hurt deeply, as “avengers” we try to hurt the other person too, hoping that we, in so doing, won’t feel the pain any longer. But alas, the pain is only covered by a superficial layer of anger and another person has been hurt at that. More pain to deal with then…
(2) Emotional withdrawal aka as depression
From the outside a depressive person might seem loving and kind if he or she does not react to an offense that pulled one of their triggers. Nonetheless, if you could take a look into the inside of the hurting heart, you would see a different picture. In fact, depression comes from suppressing (both negative and positive) feelings. An introvert would rather harm himself by turning the anger perceived against himself. Not a sound solution, either…
Is there a solution at all? Or is it true what some Christians say that man remains a sinner who can never tame his tongue as long as he walks the earth? If you happen to have read more than this article, you might know that I would not write about an issue if I did not believe in solutions of seemingly unsolvable problems. 😉
Well…I was just reminded of the way the prophet Jeremiah was called by God. He was a rather young man, insecure and full of fear to serve God, as it had been the case with Moses, too, who had not dared to speak up for the Lord on his own. All prophets of the Old Testament needed a certain experience so that they could become useful for God’s service. They needed to realize that they could NEVER do on their own what God wanted them to do. Therefore they needed true self-knowledge, something man naturally is not inclined to learn about unless he or she has already encountered their bare nakedness and uselessness in the light of God. But if they know that they will never be able to serve Him in any useful way, they will eventually be empowered by the Holy Spirit to do so, though. We read for example how God made Jeremiah speak up for Him.
Then the Lord put out his hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, “Behold, I have put my words in your mouth. See, I have set you this day over nations and over kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.” (Jer 1:9-10 ESV)
The “method” of being empowered by the Holy Spirit has not changed in New Testament times. If there was indeed no certain call nor power received from on high, man is never able to speak the words of God. Instead, he will always be captured in his old man that cannot change – ever.
“Solution, Susanne!!!” Okay, okay. 🙂 Jesus said,
“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person.” (Mt 15:18-20)
That is a fact. Nevertheless, God also promised,
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.” (Ez 36:26-27 ESV)
Finally, the apostle James confirmed that out of a truly new heart only good words will come since he wrote,
“For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” (Js 3:2 ESV)
Also, the fruit of the Spirit includes self-control which is something the old nature does not possess. As soon as the old Adam and Eve feel triggered, they react. Either by turning into the attack mode against others or by attacking their own soul. However, the new man is eventually able to open up his heart to God and others and to let them see what is inside. If we open our hearts to one another, God’s light will heal all our wounds and we may experience His love deeper and deeper the more our wounds have been healed.
Dear reader, I would be interested to hear your thoughts, impressions and/or experiences with that topic.
Entering the Promised Land 
Dear Susanne, Your latest article hit close to home. From my earliest memories I have had problems with (hang on!)…….. the female gender. Your story about the kids in the sandbox brought to my mind one of my earliest memories of relating to a girl. My parents were in her house with her parents visiting and her brother, herself and I were out in their sandbox playing together where the parent could see us from the dining room window. The girl and I were about the same age and she kept flipping sand up into my face. So, finally, I grabbed her by the back of her hair and pushed her face into the sand. At that moment my dad yelled at me to stop and as I looked up at him, she grabbed the metal sand shovel and hit me in the back of my head with it! Whang! All the parents thought it was funny. No reprimand for her, though! Needless to say, we never played together again.
This seemed to be the first of many triggers regarding women for me. I was very awkward around girls in my teen years and I also was late to develop both socially and physically. There was a lot of strife between my parents and I had lots of insecurities as a result. In short, I was not what the girls were all looking for in a guy. So, as a result, I experience a lot of turn-downs when it came time to ask girls out on a date to the malt shop or a movie. I so wanted to be loved by one of them for who I was, but with all my insecurities they did not find me that desirable. In short I had a big red “button” on my chest that was easy to push and it said, “REJECT!”
More recently, I have felt the love of the Lord in me reaching out to my fellow bloggers on the web who have also gone through much abuse and rejection in their lives. As they have shared their stories I could identify with them in many ways; sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse, church abuse, etc. But on a couple of occasions I have felt rejected by them as well! There are so many triggers in us from years of rejection and abuse! So, last night I was depressed from feeling rejected once again, because of their triggers going off toward me and mine going off as a result.
One of these sisters with many wounds from the past reacted like you said, Susanne, she shut down and withdrew inside herself. The other one, because of the love of God for me, hung in there and we battled through our own triggers and finally prayed together and God quieted the storm in our hearts and we were restored. It was not fun to honker-down and “stare our personal demons” in the eye, but once we invited God into the situation we were soon healed and now are on a kindly level of communication once again.
I have found that this kind of love that is determined to see our mutual differences and pains through to a positive end is a rare thing among Christians. We seem to look for opportunities to disagree, fight and isolate, more that we look for ways to be reconciled and to walk in Christ’s love together. But what a blessing it is to be truly knit together IN Him by His love and forgiveness for one another when we do it right!
“Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].” (James 5:16 AMP)
Love your part in Christ’s wonderful body, dear sister!
Michael
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I am so sad to hear about your bad experiences with girls and later women, too, my brother. 😦 Therefore, just telling you in advance that you are loved by me, Michael. ❤
What you wrote about reaching out to those who suffered much in their life, well, that is a delicate thing, indeed. The more abused people have suffered, the more triggers they have. People who had a more or less “normal” life cannot imagine how that painful abyss in their hearts might look and particularly FEEL like and thus they won’t be that sensitive and careful in dealing with abused persons. Therefore those who were hurt by too many triggers at a time might run and hide in order to lick their wounds and thus they can recover a bit through staying away from other human beings that might hurt them unintentionally again and again.
As for Christian fellowship, in fact, the more intimate such a relationship becomes, that is, the more we open up our very hearts and tell the other what is really inside, the more vulnerable we become, too. However, that is actually the way God heals our triggers. Sometimes He does it without our Christian siblings involved and sometimes He uses our brothers and sisters. And if we have gone through such painful experiences together and have also felt His healing hand, our hearts are “truly knit together IN Him by His love and forgiveness for one another” as you so aptly said in your response above.
Thanks so much for your deeply touching comment, my brother.
Holy Hugs,
Susanne
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And Susanne, thank YOU for your loving, kind and thoughtful answer to me. You are a precious gem in our Father’s crown. How could I not love a sister like you? ❤
Thanks so much for being you.
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Oh oh, Michael, I am melting away…….like ice in the sunshine 😉 Thank you for your lovely reply!
You are so precious to me, my brother. You may know that you have helped me a lot on my way with God, both with your own perspective of scriptural matters and with your loving virtual fellowship. Thank you very much for being YOU, too.
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This was another very timely message for me, Susanne! The Lord is working through your blog posts, once again :-). I’ve been experiencing those triggers lately, and they have stirred up the old, wrong responses! I loved this: “If we open our hearts to one another, God’s light will heal all our wounds and we may experience His love deeper and deeper the more our wounds have been healed.”
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I am so glad you found it helpful, my dear sister. Feeling those triggers is painful, indeed, but there is the hope of healing in Him – always. Things can only get better if we let Christ do the work in our hearts which we could never do on our own.
May God bless you immensely, Brenda!
Love you,
Susanne xx
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Susanne, this is a wonderful post. In recent years, I have prayed, “Father, I am never going to be offended again”, Of course, that requires His grace. As soon as I realize that I am offended, I repent. I love walking free of offense.
Recently on Michael’s blog, a brother said that he had read a definition of compassion, quoting, hopefully correctly – compassion is running to pain. For me that has to be God given. My natural inclination is to protect Pat – twenty four seven. Protecting the old man is not what Jesus died for. My prayer is that we His children will no longer live to protect the old man. I believe that it is possible to live for the glory of God.
Love in Him,
Pat Orr
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Great comment, Pat! Thank you very much for your encouragement, too. 🙂 The definition of compassion as running TO pain is truly helpful, I believe. Thanks for quoting it on here, dear sister.
We have the same inclination, Pat, and without His grace I would have never said ‘Yes’ to being confronted with all my triggers so that I might be healed. Actually, I can tell you that our Lord indeed works miracles. If I feel offended, I know that I must open my heart AND my mouth, either by telling God or the one who offended me about what I FEEL. Thus I can be sure that the trigger will be gone soon. Covering up never helps although it seems at first that this could be the easier way. But protecting our heart only keeps the old man alive as you mentioned above. And it feels so much better to live in the new self which is truly free.
Love in Him ❤
Susanne
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Your article needs no further comment…we as humans that were created out of dirt and then got poisoned in the garden cannot live Godly on our own self effort..we have to be empowered by Gods very being in us..He is Godly and we are not..but with Him birthed into us now we can be participating in His Godly actions out of us as us.
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Very well said, Kenneth. Thanks so much for your comment and edification! 🙂
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“People who had a more or less “normal” life cannot imagine how that painful abyss in their hearts might look and particularly FEEL like and thus they won’t be that sensitive and careful in dealing with abused persons.”
These words of yours are true. Those that know nothing of true abuse, they know not what they are speaking about, nor are they moved by the Holy Spirit in any real sense to fix any serious situations, believing in arrogance that they have and hold the answers of truth from ‘their’ eyes that do not see the hand of God moving. I believe they call this ‘missing the mark.’ Which we all do at times.
They can not truly recognize the powerful dynamics of great abuse or the dangerous places that the abused may be standing, nor can they truly identify the spiritual source of this anguish, nor can they hold the ability to bring forth God’s healing because of having a “normal” life as you have referred it as. Reading a book of psychotherapy can never make one an expert, just as reading the Holy Bible can never make one an expert either and standing in the garage does not make you a car.
Taming the tongue! Yes indeed Ma’am. Very important to hold the tongue, unless God says otherwise. It is also very important to tame the tongue, tame the judgements, tame the back handed scriptures, hidden chastisements, when one does not have the ability, nor the spiritual capacity to see God’s truth in its purity. 😉
I see beautiful healing scripture on this page but then I am reading comments and I see a great entwining of ‘worldly’ psychotherapy babble ideals. How can this be? Are you aware that worldly psychotherapy does not allow the mention of Jesus,God or the Holy Bible? How can that be? To take away the Mighty Physician, the ONLY healer that can bring forth healing makes all psycho-babble useless, distracting and again, off the mark.
Have a blessed day. 🙂
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Dear JGHemlock,
I would not say that those who I encountered and who triggered me, whether psychologists or not, would have done so because of arrogance since I prefer to not judge their hearts. However, often times it was only ignorance, that means, they did not know what they did.
I remember a counselor simply mentioning (out of the blue!!!) , “Uhm….Mrs. Schuberth, I read that you were abused and raped, too?” left me sitting there, trembling from head to toe, in the midst of a panic attack and I only wanted to run – far away. Such a reaction (mine) cannot be understood by anyone who had not been abused in any way….. It seems you made similar experiences, perhaps? If so, may God bless you and heal you completely, my dear friend.
Love ❤
Susanne
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Point made. 🙂
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🙂
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And Susanne, God has healed me completely and now I can stand along those who are not. 🙂
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Well, it’s a long healing process, isn’t it?
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20 + years = full restoration. Yes it was.
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45 plus years and still being stripped by God and still pressing in with so much further to go! I guess I am a slow learner. 🙂
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brethren, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature be thus minded; and if in anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you.
(Philippians 3:12-15 RSVA)
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Thanks, Michael. I am a slow learner, too. Not yet perfected, still. 😉
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Mmmmhhhh…….. You even said THIS,
“Susanne you are such a blessing to me beyond words.”
If you could see me now, you would find me in tears. I have been touched so deeply by you, my precious sister. You are a true treasure given to us by our sweet Lord and God in heaven.
Although I have not much time right now because I need to do my BIG shopping as every Saturday (am late already 😉 ), I just wanted to say, “Thank you, thank, thank you, my dearest Jacqui!!!” ❤ ❤ ❤
PS
You and I have similar experiences currently since I, too, feel God’s love spreading inside me more and more without ME doing anything about it. That is a miracle, isn’t it…?
Every blessing to you and your daughter!
I love you both,
Susanne xxxx
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Thank you for being YOU, Michael, and thank you, too, for your prayers. I know God hears them.
Love,
Susanne
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Someone very recently told me once again, to forget the past, they admitted that it is a very hard thing to do, but we must keep trying. Forget the past, but how can one truly forget when there are TRIGGERS everywhere, every day of one’s life?! Be it a smell, a picture, a place, someones body language, a word spoken a certain way and on it goes, never to stop! Triggers, triggers, triggers there never seems to be an end to them!? People attempt to stop these triggers, when they tell others to forget the past, but they are saying such things in a futile attempt to silence their own painful past! To endeavor to silence triggers in our own personal lives, we trigger painful memories in those who we are speaking to. It becomes a vicious circle that wears us out and the ones we are attempting to control. Truth be told, it is just another form of denial, a lie that we are taught. We are not to deny our painful past, by endless suppression, NO, we must face our pain, feel our pain, confront the truth of our pain and then lift it up to God for Him to bring healing and deliverance to the wound that is causing the pain. Isaiah 41:10 (KJV) Fear thou not for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
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Dear Susie ❤
I really had to hold my breath as I was just reading your comment on here. It was as if God was speaking directly. Your words are full of divine wisdom. There is nothing more to say for me now but, “Thank you so much for posting THIS, my sweet sister!”
I love you,
Susanne xx
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Thank you, Susanne. Our Father knows what we need to hear and when it is the correct time to hear and listen. ‘ It was as if God was speaking directly’, well then there is no need to respond to me, unless you want to Susanne. Many happy faces ���😊��and hugs are being sent your way.
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You’re most welcome, my dear Susie. 🙂
What a lovely response! Many happy faces and virtual hugs back to you!
😊😊😊 + 💓💓💓 + XOXOXO
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I agree wholeheartedly, Lloyd. Aggression can also be “an effort to be noticed and appear more important.” I have often been wondering, why is that? Are the reasons for trying to appear better than others to be found in childhood or later? In a lack of approval by parents, teachers, relatives, etc.? Can an aggressive posture – on the surface, at least – somehow protect the aggressor against feeling his own hidden pain?
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Lloyd, aggression to cover one’s low self esteem explains to me the actions of many pastors I have known. Like you have pointed out, Susanne, “an effort to be noticed and appear more important,” or “larger than life” or posturing, is used to cower the members of the congregation to keep them under their control. What a far cry from the gentle Shepherd who came to lay down His life for His sheep.
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Amen, Michael. Very well said,
“What a far cry from the gentle Shepherd who came to lay down His life for His sheep.”
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Michael, this is so right on regarding pastors, but allow me to apply it a bit further. Far too many husbands who have been subjected to this type of ministry have also learned this behavior and are carrying it out in their homes. Aggression, arrogance, intimidation, etc. and on it goes. Spiritual fathers (pastors) passing their sins down to their spiritual children (saints). The sins of the father being visited to the 3rd and 4th generations of spiritual children. Well anyway, that is how I am seeing it taking place.
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Yes, Susie, you are right. I have sat under this kind of ministry in the past and it about destroyed my marriage.
God bless and keep you in His healing love,
Michael
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Michael, how did you overcome it?! How does anyone overcome a lifetime of programing! My hubby sat under his pastor for 18yrs, for me it was 14yrs, but all in all, we were pentecostals for 40+ yrs. Our first pastor was harsh, dictatorial, domineering, angry, Hell,Fire and Brimstone preacher! That whole life style has quite literally broken me down!
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Susie, God let me reap what I was sowing to my wife… He put me under task masters in churches, at work.. people that showed me no mercy in my daily life.. for years and then showed me that this was what I had been sowing into my wife. Then it became obvious what I needed to do, repent and sow blessing into her life instead. And I prayed He would change my heart and break me and He did, but not without many stripes.
“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. For he that sows to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that sows to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Galatians 6:7-9 KJ2000)
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Unfortunately not everyone learns nor do they try to find out what they are doing wrong and seek for change.
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That is sooo saddening, Susie, indeed. 😦
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This was a very good read. Thanks for the link. I liked the title. Life is a Triggery Business. It sure is.
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You are so welcome as to the link, Stacey. Glad you liked the post! 🙂
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