The description of a mystical experience I want to share with you today is very personal and I already wrote about it more than a year ago in an email to someone else. In contrast to all those other mystical experiences with God I wrote about before, that one included my husband Paul. In order to help you understand where I am coming from, I am giving you some more information about my personal life so that the whole experience itself might make more sense to you. Here is what I learned from God about how He sees marriage and particularly about how He sees us.
As some of you might remember, having read the first part of My Testimony, I had begun to struggle with bipolar depression beginning in summer 2000 after our family had left the Christian cult we had attended for more than 5 years. There were a few reasons why that mental disease could put a stranglehold on me several times until 2008 and one of them was that our marriage seemed to have come to its very end which was one of the most painful situations I/we had to deal with. One day as I had been pondering on the pros and cons of divorce in detail, I eventually asked the Lord what to do. Knowing the legalistic approach both of the RCC and the cult we had joined, I was very surprised to come to know a side of God which had been unknown to me before. At that time I was so insecure about what to do that I dared to ask God how He would deal with me if I really got divorced. I could not have been more amazed as Jesus said, “I will be with you whatever you do.”
Wow!!! Knowing the Scriptures regarding divorce rather well, I was overwhelmed by His answer. That it was really God who spoke to me became immediately clear because I suddenly knew that I trusted Him, esp. in these matters, without any reservation. Such a great love of God…..indeed, only having read the Bible, I would have never thought that God really IS love. From that point on as I was convinced that I could fully trust Him, I even dared to ask Jesus earnestly, “What would You do if you were in my place?” His simple answer was, “If I were you, I would stay.”
Having said THIS, I knew He had a future in mind I could not see at that very moment but only through the eyes of faith. And God was right, as always. 😉 He has perspective because He knows our past, presence, and future and He knows that He wants to give us good things – only. As a confirmation of what I just described above, I‘ll copy and paste now what my husband Paul and I experienced together.
There was one day about 14 years ago when we were both sitting in our home office, face to face, only about two meters distance, as something happened neither of us would have expected to be possible at all. Paul was sitting with his back to two large windows and I was sitting on the couch, looking directly into his eyes. As I was gazing into them for quite some time, an indescribable occurrence became reality.
Paul’s bright blue eyes became more and more blurred from my view the more I tried to discern them. Instead, I felt from the inside a burning and vibrating fire arising, combined with a supernatural, extremely bright light which made everything vanish before my eyes – but Paul…..
Finally, I couldn’t discern anything but the soft outlines of his body. Looking at Paul, all I could see was LIGHT. It was a both white and colorful light, flowing freely through him; it was both swiftly moving but restful at the same time. Simultaneously, an overwhelming LOVE was coming right out of me, directly through my eyes, pouring itself unto and into Paul. At that very moment I could comprehend everything he had ever suffered and I felt compassion for him beyond anything which is human.
After a few minutes the light slowly disappeared. The remainder was God’s deep peace combined with a deep understanding of who Paul really is, in His view. I was so overwhelmed after that “event” that I only cautiously tried to touch upon it. From hence I merely asked Paul, “What do you think has just happened to us?” – Paul answered, “I saw Jesus, looking right through your eyes into mine.”
Afterwards the following Scriptures took on scope because I had really seen the truth of them expressed here,
“No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light.” (Lk 11:33-36 ESV)
I do not think that Jesus spoke of our physical body here. Instead, He showed us that there is a place where we can see whether someone has been connected with The Light which is Christ or whether he is still in darkness. Yet one might also say,