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discerning the spirits, exhortation, experience, fire, following Jesus, God's love, T.A. Sparks, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit, the fear of God
Well, our God is full of surprises. Almost only vegetating, captured in the dark night of the Spirit for a seemingly endless time, I had become used to only see my countless weaknesses, my failures, and my utter inability to bring forth anything which is good in God’s sight. Although I never felt condemned by what I saw inside me, I really longed to get rid of that old self which hindered me to do what God and I (!) really wanted to do (cf. Romans 7). Furthermore, satanic attacks day and night made sleep an almost impossible thing to do. My frail health and the conviction that I was in a worse spiritual condition as I had been before I would come to know Jesus in 1995 made me hate my old life. Somehow it dawned on me that there is no REAL life apart from being allowed to live in God’s permanent peaceful presence. Everything else is hell! Whatever I tried to get back to Him, it did not work any longer. My prayers resembled helpless cries for help and left me empty as if I had been talking with a dead wall instead of with the living God. It really felt as if God had abandoned me in a dark and frightening cellar, left without the hope to ever return to Him whom I once knew and loved. I recalled dimly that I had experienced several times of spiritual highs in the past that made me share the fear of God and Christ’s authority in me. However, I still had to deal with so many triggers because of deep wounds and fears inside my soul so that God had to take me through that “acid cure” where all that which is not of Him must eventually die.
So, you might ask now, what then is “the fear of God”? Is it something we should long for or not? Is it not enough if we know about the love of God? Well, if we know that God is love, we should also remember that Jesus said,
“Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” (Jn 14:1 ESV)
Some chapters before we are told by John the Baptist very plainly what will be the consequences if we do not obey Christ’s commandments. We read,
“Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.” (Jn 3:36 ESV)
Now think about it… What will we do if we hear God’s command, “Now go this way and NO other!” yet at the same time some people tell us to go another, easier and seemingly more pleasant way that appears to be more reasonable to them? What will we do if God tells us to draw a line between some nice and kind people and to offend them by telling them what He told us to tell them? Well, my dear brothers and sisters, we may know if we share in the fear of God on a permanent basis, our old life with our own wishes and desires including our people pleaser problems will be over. If we do not obey His voice then, it feels like being beaten in the face by God until we finally do what He wants us to do. With fear and much trembling (cf. 1 Cor 2:3), even physically at times, we listen to His commands then when He has given us the authority to do what He wants to be done and makes us fear Him more than anyone else on earth. However, if we try to resist doing what He commanded, we might feel as Jeremiah described here.
“Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in my heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary from holding it back, and I could not.” (Jeremiah 20:9 KJ2000)
Once again it was Michael Clark who gave me the proper Scripture and explanation as I shared my latest frightening experiences with the fear of God with him. At first I really tried to not do what God wanted me to do and it was like a fire in my bones as the Holy Spirit insisted that I did HIS will. For example, the day before yesterday God woke me up after only three hours in bed and would not let me sleep until I had done what He had commanded me to do, that is, writing a very harsh rebuke including a threat. And only after having done so, I felt that peace only God can give again.
What I found very helpful regarding the experience of “the fear of God” I just began to share with you, was an excerpt by T.A. Sparks where he explained the consequences of having been anointed by God.
What is the meaning of the anointing of the Holy Spirit? It is nothing less and nothing other than the Holy Spirit taking His place as absolute Lord. The anointing carries with it the absolute Lordship of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit as Lord. That means that all other lordships have been deposed and set aside; the lordship of our own lives; the lordship of our own minds, our own wills, our own desires; the lordship of others. The lordship of every interest and every influence is regarded as having given place to the undivided and unreserved lordship of the Holy Spirit, and the anointing can never be known or enjoyed, unless that has taken place.
[…]
Do you ask for the anointing of the Holy Spirit? Why do you ask for the anointing of the Holy Spirit? Is the anointing something that you crave? To what end? That you may be used, may have power, may have influence, may be able to do a lot of wonderful things? The first and preeminent thing the anointing means is that we can do nothing but what the anointing teaches and leads to do. The anointing takes everything out of our hands. The anointing takes charge of the reputation. The anointing takes charge of the very purpose of God. The anointing takes complete control of everything and all is from that moment in the hands of the Holy Spirit, and we must remember that if we are going to learn Christ, that learning Christ is by the Holy Spirit’s dealing with us, and that means that we have to go exactly the same way as Christ went in principle and in law… “The Son can do nothing out from Himself.” You see, there is the negative side of the anointing; while the positive side can be summed up in one word – the Father only. Perhaps that is a little different idea of the anointing from what we have had, “Oh, to be anointed of the Holy Spirit! What wonders will follow; how wonderful that life will be!” The first and the abiding thing about the anointing is that we are imprisoned into the Lordship of the Spirit of God, so that there can be nothing if He does not do it. Nothing!
By T. Austin-Sparks from: The School of Christ – Chapter 7
http://www.austin-sparks.net/english/000009.html
We might still wonder why God can be so rigorous at times. But meanwhile I am convinced that the reason to do so is His great love, once again. God sees where dangers approach us while we only sense them on a subliminal level. He sees where evil spirits try to get control of us by using other people who do not even know what they are doing because they have been blinded by Satan. Therefore God sometimes takes drastic measures in order to wake us up from our unmindful spiritual slumber. He wants to see us free and saved, not captured again by Satan’s cunning wiles. He then gives us the authority to set boundaries in places where our reason might still say, “Well, I see no dangers….. everything is normal.” But the spiritual enlightened mind sees more and knows that we do not fight against people if we split up with them. Instead, it sees the peril of falling prey to demonic spirits as soon as we open up our hearts toward others, Christians or not, who are still deluded by Satan although they might call themselves Christians, too. This might be a hard lesson to learn for us, my dear brothers and sisters, but it is necessary to also see that “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” (Eph 6:12 ESV).
May God help us to do the proper thing in these cases and pray for those who do not know which spirit they are of. Amen.
Anna Waldherr said:
While I admire your faith, Susanne, it distresses me how much you’ve suffered. As you say, our challenge is to trust — even in utmost darkness — that the Lord acts only for good. You are in my prayers. ❤
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
You are so sweet, dear Anna! ❤
Thank you very much for your compassionate words. They mean a lot to me! Thank you, too, for your prayers. I really covet them and I know God listens to you. And, dear sister, you are in my heart and prayers as well.
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Michael said:
Dear Susanne, I had typed a fairly long reply to your blog on my phone, but when I went to send it it disappeared. So, I will try again later when I am at my laptop. I truly appreciate what you’ve written here. For it applies in my life as well.
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thank you so much for trying once more, Michael. I do know how unnerving it is at times since I often forget to save my comments in a Word document beforehand. So, just in case this “mysterious disappearance” is going to happen again, today I saved them because of your own mishap on here. Thanks for the reminder, dear brother.
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Michael said:
There, I am back on my computer. Much better! Susanne, as I read your blog some things occurred to me about what it means to keep His commands and obey Christ as He leads us.
When we were younger in the Lord we had great latitude in the things He allowed us to do and still remain under the covering of His wings. But as He desires us to grow up and “put away childish things” He no longer “winks” at the things we once did (see Acts 17:30). He starts to train us by speaking His will into our hearts as to what He would have us do in ever more specific commands. You once told me that you had no worries about going out in the dark of the city or into remote places in the woods when you biked or walked because your Daddy was there to protect you. I have no doubt that this was true, but we are starting to see that we are only kept safe as we obey His moment by moment commands when He says, “THIS is the way you should go, walk ye in it. He is training us to NOT live by bread alone (our fleshly desires) but by EVERY word that He speaks to us about every detail in our lives (see Matt. 4:4)! Daddy teaches us how to stand against the devil AND what the limits of our authority are AND He fine tunes us as where the dangers lie and how important it is to ask HIM where we should go, what we should say and what the limits of our authority are as we deal with the devil (see Jude 1:8-10).
In short, we can no longer go “willy-nilly” anywhere we like or do anything we like, but obedience is necessary if we are to remain safe IN Him. Will we make mistakes? Yes, until we are totally fine-tuned and obedient to His voice, but even these things, though they are not fun, happen not so that we be destroyed, but rather that we learn from them to hear His voice and fear Him in a way that makes us long for our perfect obedience to Him, even as Christ learned HIS obedience through the things which HE suffered. Without the fear of God, we will never perfectly obey Him. Yes, He has great grace for us to walk in, but that grace is found more and more only on that narrow path He has for us to follow. Did you know that we can “outrage the Spirit of Grace”?
Finally, dear sister, I want to say, “Yet we are persuaded of better things concerning you, beloved, and those which have to do with salvation, even if we are speaking thus.” (Hebrews 6:9 CLV)
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Dear Michael,
Isaiah 30:20-21 hit home with me since God spoke through these verses to my heart (still burning inside – FIRE!!!). Thanks a bunch for sharing this Scripture with me! 🙂
Well, it is true that we cannot behave as we did as spiritual babies, playing around as if the whole world would be ours because we belong to Him. As for me feeling protected for many years, as you so rightly described above, I truly wondered why God took this protection somehow away since in June or July this year (can’t remember exactly). Although nothing severe happened to me, you know that I had various encounters with several men lately who all were of the same seducing spirit (I would like to could call it “rape spirit”, instead). You know about these experiences and how I usually reacted when I was suddenly confronted with such men. I was full of fear, not because of what REALLY happened, but because I could see more and more what spirit they were of. In the past I had no authority to draw a hard line between me and them, but always trembled with fear (of man) of what could happen to me through them. Only today I had a rather severe encounter with such an ugly spirit, indwelling a man who tried to lay snares while I was biking on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Although there were many people underway, whenever that man approached me, and tried to (out)brake me by passing on the left on a rather narrow biking trail and then slowing down more and more as he was right in front of me, when he was there, no people or cars were near. NO ONE! It was truly a horrible attack by Satan to get me back under the control of those spirits who tried to destroy my life when I was very young.
As that man passed for the first time, I sensed this evil and ugly spirit immediately in his grinning face. Although he was good looking and athletic on the outside, seeing that spirit in him, made him resemble Satan himself. I felt extremely repelled by his mere presence in this world. 😛 As I began to pray about what to do with that biker who slowed down immensely before me, I felt a huge wave of anger and authority flooding me. Jesus said, “Do not fear, I will tell you what to do.” I felt nudged to pass that man myself and left him behind me at high speed. After two kilometers he got me again since our way was all downhill. Uphill it was the other way round and I could escape. Eventually, when I perceived him again behind me and approaching me again, I did the same thing he did before, that is, I braked sharply – back wheel squealing – which surprised him at first so that he only shouted out, “Hey!!!”
However, still, afterwards I sensed that his desire to chase me even got stronger and as I saw him before me, slowing down again, I left the biking trail and rode in the street instead (no cars, again, only him and me). He turned around and saw that I apparently wanted to take the turn to my usual prayer benches and took the same way. As he was only a few meters before me, I suddenly heard God’s voice in me very loudly, even hauntingly commanding, “Do NOT take this path, turn around quickly!!!” I really felt the danger that came from those usually unseen spirits around us who had that man in their strong grip [BTW, the bike ride was right AFTER publishing the blog post, so it was quasi prophetic for me what I wrote in my article today! 😛 ]
Afterwards I only listened to how God led me on a way I had never been before and it was very lonesome there. At first I rode crisscross through a village and later I was biking over desolate land. PHEEEW! What an adventurous bike ride today! But thank God for HIS protection!!! It got more and more clear to me how many wars are going on in the spiritual realm that are meant to destroy those who had been chosen by God to do HIS will. Truly, it is anything but fun to finally see what is really taking place behind the scenes, even 24/7. 👿
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thanks a lot for your very encouraging words, Lloyd! 🙂
In fact, I am very grateful for the gift of sensitivity regarding false and evil spirits, too.
Uncontrolled immigration, uhm…well… Two weeks ago I felt “urged” to pray for Angela Merkel to wake up from her slumber and to draw a line. She came from the former GDR and knows how it feels to not be able to leave your home country whenever you want to. So, from hence I think she did not see the need for limits here because she felt empathy. But maybe, her “over-generosity” has also to do with the fact that she was a pastor’s daughter. Only God knows…
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Michael said:
Susanne, Wow, what an all out assault that was on you by the demons in that guy! He just would not take a hint that you did not want anything to do with him. Please know that I keep you in my prayers that Daddy protects you. I seems that Father told you each step of the way today how to get free of this guy. Keep praying and inviting our Father into everything you do, even the things you have done over and over, for we never know what the enemy will try next as soon as we let our guard down. I am glad that He has worked His authority into you that you can even speak to these demons and rebuke them when needed by His direction.
“Father, protect our Susanne everyday. Let her have the proper fear of you that she would not presume to do anything without your blessing and guidance for only YOU know what lies ahead of her each day. Draw her ever closer to your heart and let her hear that voice from behind here saying, ‘THIS is the way of the Lord (in each situation), walk ye in it.’ Amen”
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thank you so much for your ongoing prayers and edifying words, Michael! 🙂 Thanks in particular for your prayer above. AMEN!!!
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Kenneth Dawson said:
As you said..it’s a hard lesson to learn…but learn we must–When you go back to the beginning story in the garden that was the issue..did God say? No you won’t die..another words just go ahead and do what you want..and I have found by experience that His way is the best way..my way is the devils way. His way is life and peace the devils work is death–keep on trucking my prayers are with you.
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Very gut input, Ken! ⭐
Indeed, it is always the same thing when one tries to justify one’s sin against the Holy God: Satan whispers, again and again, “Did God REALLY say?” and doubts come in unless we flee immediately into our Father’s presence. There is, in fact, no way between God’s and Satan’s. If we do not choose God’s guidance in our lives, we are always under Satan’s authority who merely wants to destroy the good work God began in us. What a struggle!! 😛
Thank you very much for your prayers, my brother, they mean a lot to me! Also, I have praying for you too (esp. health issues) and I will keep on trucking with His help! 🙂
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