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darkness, discerning the spirits, dying to self, experience, following Jesus, God's love, intimacy, joy, light, Michael Clark, pain, resisting temptation, suffering, the new self, the old self

“For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God.” (Dt 4:24 KJV) – Photo by Susanne Schuberth
I do not know as yet what this blog post will turn out like and I need to admit it is a pretty hard one for me. So I prayed to the Lord that He might help me by adding His wisdom and thoughts on what He has been teaching me during the last few weeks.
On the one hand I would enjoy this summer like no other before as I had come more and more out of the Dark Night of the Spirit. Having had to deal with so many different ‘deaths’ of my old nature, I could more and more enjoy His resurrection power, too. Things I could not really indulge in for several years, like daily swimming and water gymnastics in nature, I was allowed to delight in more and more as well. For me it was as if LIFE that had been hidden for a very long time, had come into sight again as my spiritual eyes started to see the eternal God everywhere. Daily joy, peace, and a loving embrace by God and Jesus were no alien concepts to me any longer. On the other hand, God seemed to have dealt with different circumstances and areas of my life by improving them (without me ‘helping’ Him) that I almost thought nothing ‘bad’ could ever happen to me once again. Well, here came the danger of falling asleep spiritually. I felt so protected and enwrapped in God’s arms that I got more and more forgetful as to the tricky wiles of the prince of darkness. If I had not been warned by God in one form or another (esp. dreams), I would not have realized that everything happens for a reason.
The pull of this world caught me almost unawares. Satan sneaked in by several women and men whom I met and who wanted to get into closer contact with me. That seems to be an ‘innocent’ thing, still, when you meet someone and talk with them for a certain time. BUT, here lies the danger, if you open up your heart toward them and let them in by either listening to their life stories, their joys and sorrows, and even their secrets, AND God gives you no leading as to do anything but to only pray for them, you might eventually find out that your heart has been captured by ‘something’ that was not from God. You might get compliments, they might be interested in you and want to see you more often in order to talk with you, or they even offer their worldly advice when they see you suffer. And I suffered indeed! After having enjoyed God’s life for a certain time, another trial ended my restful time through a big temptation. This temptation seemed to have come out of nowhere and it made no sense to me, either. Having lost any interest in this world and things of the flesh in 2009, I was shocked to see that Satan can tempt you on a mere spiritual level (which is much worse and stronger than ‘simple’ fleshly temptations) with such a power that the old Adam with its natural strength collapses. After having been tempted for a few days only, I felt so utterly helpless and weak that I thought I would soon leave the Lord completely and quit walking with Him forever. Don’t ask me how this felt!!! 😦 Furthermore, it was frightening for me to see how proud I still had been in my old nature of having been called by God and to be able to walk with Him on such a ‘high’ (sigh…) spiritual level.
To cut a long story short, I am so grateful to Michael Clark for having shared a dream with me that announced this particular temptation a short time before it began. Also, I was humbled by Michael’s numerous heartfelt prayers for me as I was struggling BIG TIME. Dear brothers and sisters, true fellowship is so important and a real gift from God. He wants to answer our prayers for one another since we are His beloved children. We are no lonely islands in the sea unless God wants to separate us from others in order to draw us closer to Himself for a certain time. Yet fellowship between believers who are being made one with God and one another has always been crucial in the kingdom of God.
As to my latest experiences, thanks be unto God that nothing but spiritual fights took place, but I know today that I will NEVER trust in myself anymore. Our old nature cannot be trusted, ever!!! Our Lord who had to listen to my continued complaints regarding this temptation and my utter helplessness to resist, told me that was exactly the place where He wanted me to be because apart from Him I could really do NOTHING (cf. Jn 15:5). My heart is indeed much worse than I had ever thought!!! I see that apostle Paul’s struggle in Romans 7 has more and more become my own over time. And the only thing I can do now is to wait on God to put me INTO Christ so that only His life has its way with and in me.
So I am waiting…
Susanne, I appreciate your candor very much. Such vulnerability to share so openly and honestly. I have been experiencing much death to my old nature. And I know well the temptation to turn and run from Him.
Prior to my reading your post I had been in Luke chapter 1 meditating on verses 26-37. The angel greeted Mary with words of hope and favor and beauty and they shook her. How unlike His words are to our natural state. Then He describes what will come: “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you […]” (Luke 1:35) What a picture this is of us now and ever since His birth, life, death, resurrection, and ascension. For His birth in us can come in or by no other way, or as verse 37 says, “nothing will be impossible with God.” What a promise!
And, so, I will meditate more on this as for myself, but wanted to encourage you today with Mary’s words that echo eternally into our time and space right here and right now: “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
Yes, and amen, let it be to us according to Your word, Father.
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Thank you so much, dear Becky!!! ❤
Indeed, God spoke through this particular Scripture adressed to Mary to me just now too.
Much love,
Susanne XOXO
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Wow! This thought just came to me as well! But for me He used other scriptures to show me that when we first believe with saving faith, we are conceived into Christ by the Father and it is hearing in our spiritual life begins. But like Paul said, “it does not yet appear what we shall be… ” as it was with Jesus and Mary’s womb, we are being developed by the power of God and what we shall be as spirit beings in Christ. Just as a fetus in the womb matures into a recognizable human baby, so it is with us. But at first this little creature doesn’t resemble a human maybe even looks like a tadpole. 🙂 so we look at ourselves and our spiritual mirrors and we get frustrated and say, “Wait a minute. I don’t look like Christ. If I was I would’ve done things differently.” I fetus doesn’t think this way. It just rest in the womb while God does the work of developing him into a child that is ready to be fully born. So it is with us so when that time comes we can be fully placed into the spirit realm of the Father and the Son. Like a newborn infant, the day is coming when we shall see Him as he is. Thanks so much to you both for your open hearted sharing. ⭐ ⭐
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Thanks so much for sharing your latest insights from God, Michael. Much appreciated! … Maybe… another blog post of your own? ☺
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Wow right back at ya, Michael!!! That’s a blog post in itself! And not only will we see Him as He is, but our life that is now hidden in Christ will also be revealed (Col. 3)
The Day is coming!
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Interesting, Susanne. I don’t fully understand your post, but Luke 1:28 came to mind immediately, “…Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.”
That and the idea of armour. We need to send you some armour. I’m imagining you as one of those medieval knights that can hardly stand up under the weight of all that metal, but I think Ephesians 6:10-18 is probably closer to what I am thinking of. 🙂
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You made me grin, Gabrielle. 😊 Yes, indeed, His armour is needed in order to be fully protected. May He provide what I have been lacking, still. The Scripture you shared spoke to my heart, too. Thanks for your encouragement!
The fact that you had problems to fully understand what I had been writing might have to do with my desire to only cautiously reveal that which is necessary and to veil that which does not need to be known publicly. Just in case someone drops by and reads this post, I do not want them to recognize that I wrote about them. I hope you understand now why I expressed myself not that detailed in this article.
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Oh Lord yes–If folks knew the me of natural order it would scare em to a heart attack–IM like david–forget all that armor just give me a sling-shot.
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I don’t think I would get heart attack, Ken. 😉
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Oh girl–with friends like you I dont want any enemies
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Maybe, I misunderstood your first comment, Ken. If so, I apologize. But your second one about me presumably being your enemy, I hope, was only a joke? Scratching my head, still…
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No Sue you are not my enemy–you are my friend/sister–we are joined by our union with our Lord Jesus–It be so!
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Pheeeew!!! Thank you, Ken. Am relieved to hear this. 🙂
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