Tags
deception, discerning the spirits, evil spirits, exhortation, experience, following Jesus, Michael Clark, people pleaser, Satan, the new self, the old self
Jesus cleanses the temple
(Source http://thinktheology.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Jesus_temple.jpg)
This is partly a re-post of an older article of mine from December 2015. Just yesterday, once again, I felt that the boundaries I need to draw regarding commenters who come to my blog and write in a dishonest or phony, though seemingly often kind way, must be drawn much closer than before. What God revealed to me this morning was WHY Jesus was not a nice guy. The simple truth is this: Our Lord NEVER submitted to demons who spoke through human beings; He only submitted to His Father’s Holy Spirit. Therefore Jesus seemed to be impolite and even harsh at times. It was not so that Jesus did not love the people, but He loved obeying His Father more. As Christians who follow Jesus we should also obey God more than men as Peter and the other apostles told us (see Acts 5:29). If you like to compare another earlier entry, where I expounded on my own experiences and on the WHY I began to draw these boundaries last year in November, you might check out Do Not Allow Demons To Speak.
PS: Sorry for the inconvenience to have received two notifications of a new blog post within a few minutes. At first I tried to reblog this older article, but alas, there was no edit function for my newer entry available. Therefore I deleted the reblog and changed it into a re-post of Was Jesus a nice guy? 😉 Here you are.
Wikipedia offers the following description of a nice guy. It reads,
“A nice guy is an informal term for a teenage or adult male who is gentle, compassionate, sensitive and/or vulnerable.[1] The term is used both positively and negatively.[2] When used positively, and particularly when used as a self-descriptor, it is intended to imply a male who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, tries to stay out of trouble, and generally acts nicely towards others.[3] In the context of a relationship, it may also refer to traits of honesty, loyalty, romanticism, courtesy and respect. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive, does not express his true feelings…”
As for the first sentence, I think we would all agree on this. Jesus described Himself as being “gentle and lowly in heart” (Mt 11:29 ESV). However, we might begin to stumble when we think of our Lord as someone who avoided confrontations and tried to stay out of trouble. I believe quite the opposite was true. Just think about the occasion where Jesus healed the demon possessed man who had been naked and had lived in a cemetery of sorts for a very long time (cf. Lk 8:26-39). After Jesus had permitted those demons to enter the pigs instead, the owners of the “suicidal” swine did not want to see Jesus there any longer.
And what about Jesus’ honesty? Of course, He was always honest because He was without sin! However, does honesty hurt at times? Oh, yes, it does! Yet the truth must hurt us sometimes, even deeply, so that we see we need to be changed into the image of Christ. We cannot stay as we are and continue in our old carnal ways if we want to ever enter by the narrow gate. The narrow gate is narrow because our old self is too “fat” to get in there. It must have died before we can enter with the humble mind of Christ.
What do we know about Jesus’ loyalty? No one was more loyal than Jesus was, that is for sure, but He was first and foremost loyal toward God, not toward man, not even regarding his own family. His family did not consist of those who were his relatives after the flesh unless they did the will of His father in heaven (see Mt 12:49-50). Here we have the big difference between the nice guy and Jesus Christ. Our Lord is THE TRUTH and we can trust in Him to have always told the truth to everyone, though in love.
As for me regarding my natural old self, I was always the “nice girl”, the people pleaser who never wanted to offend anyone. How so? I behaved that way in order to be loved myself by everyone, something which, of course, never worked. Nonetheless, I tried and tried… and I failed and failed, that is, I was never loved by everyone whatever I had tried to change that. Tcha, what a misery! 😦 Thinking about our Lord once again, at times it seemed He was loved by the whole people since they got from Him what they had longed for and needed (forgiveness of sins, healing of their sicknesses, freedom from their demons etc. pp.). They rejoiced, “Hallelujah, what a wonderful God!” But alas, as He did not give them always what they wanted – namely He refused to become a Jewish king who ruled over them and freed them from the cruel Roman Empire – the same people who had seemingly loved Him, wanted to see Him dead on the cross. Why so? Because our Lord and God refused to serve their old selves; instead He wanted to free them from their old nature to which they could only die by believing in Him and receiving His Spirit later. Actually, Jesus was anything but a people pleaser. Here are only a few examples.
“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” (Mt 7:6 ESV)
“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Mt 7:11 ESV)
And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and was crying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely oppressed by a demon.” But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, “Send her away, for she is crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But she came and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, help me.” And he answered, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” (Mt 15:22-26 ESV)
From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” (Mt 16:21-23 ESV)
Well, our Lord compared human beings with dogs and pigs. He knew what was in their hearts and therefore He called them evil. How seemingly unfriendly to call one of his best friends ‘Satan’ at that. Have you ever thought how embarrassed and humiliated Peter might have felt afterwards? Before he had received such a great revelation about Jesus being the Messiah and then THIS happened. My dear brothers and sisters, the Lord I have come to know over the years has dealt the same way with me. I cannot count how often He challenged and provoked me in order to make the dark spots inside me seen by myself too. Although He has always loved me, He did not caress me during those times when He wanted to change another ugly habit He hated to see because it belonged to my old nature. And that also refers to people pleasing. If we hope we can be best friends forever with every Christian although we do not listen to the same Lord – there is only ONE who makes us of one heart and mind – then we have stopped listening to the voice of the ONE who called us. Most certainly, the first Christians were not persecuted because they had been so nice. Instead, they were a living offense to those who had decided to hold on to their (godless) religious views without having a true relationship with our Father through Jesus Christ.
The path we are on is very narrow. The longer we have walked on it and the more we have come to know our Lord and God, the less people will be by our side. Not that long ago, this evening to be precise, Michael Clark in one of his last comments on my latest blog post inspired me by pasting a particular Scripture. Here is the whole reference of which I think it clarifies what I have just stated in this last paragraph.
He shall seduce with flattery those who violate the covenant, but the people who know their God shall stand firm and take action. And the wise among the people shall make many understand, though for some days they shall stumble by sword and flame, by captivity and plunder. When they stumble, they shall receive a little help. And many shall join themselves to them with flattery, and some of the wise shall stumble, so that they may be refined, purified, and made white, until the time of the end, for it still awaits the appointed time. (Dan 11:32-35 ESV)
If we deal with one another, dear brothers and sisters, it is not about flattery. It is primarily about honesty, and about speaking the truth in love. Always loving, yes, but the truth hurts at times as I said above. May our Lord and God guide us to speak the truth in love. Always. Amen.
Entering the Promised Land 
Thank you for posting this, Susanne. And thank you for the ping backs. Jesus referred to us as being evil, yet knowing how to give good gifts to our children. And then there was Peter who flopped back and forth between speaking through the Spirit and then by Satan. I think part of what Jesus sees as evil in us is when we do not live in the Spirit and in Truth where our very lives are in constant worship of our Father as His sons and daughters manifesting His will and ways. Most of my life, dear sister, has been spent like you have been in he past, always wanting to say and do the right thing to be liked. The problem was that people could see through that and would use this weakness to get what they wanted out of me while they really despised me anyway.
When our lives are lived in the Spirit of Christ, the truth of Christ will shine forth and so will His honesty when we speak or write on our blogs or in our comments. So often we have comments on our blogs that agree with what we have shared, but when we go to that person’s blog, we read things by them that are the opposite! This is not right. How can we trust people with our hearts who do this?
I am blessed by the way God has changed your heart and the truth with which you speak out. I think I still have a ways to go. I also am grateful for all the times you have been honest with me and spoken out when I was speaking in the flesh or pointed out my wrong thinking. Our fellowship IN Christ has truly been painful at times, but always uplifting in the long run — in Spirit and in Truth.
Thank you Jesus for manifesting yourself in Susanne. Amen.
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Thank you so much for this Spirit-breathed comment, Michael, and for a confirmation about something I had asked the Lord before I would see your response on here. You are such a big blessing to me! ⭐
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Michael, I can SO relate with your first paragraph. My attempts at being the kind of person I thought people would like were so ridiculous in hindsight! But, alas!, I can and do sometimes get “trapped” to that kind of mentality.
I struggle to be increasingly authentic. Brutally honest with God and with myself. Cautiously frank with others (I make far too many mistakes here! by trusting the wrong bunch of people who have an “appearance” of godliness but are at best, misguided, and at worst, wolves).
What gives me hope is that, looking back, I can see I have made some progress in this area. My aim is to keep walking in the light, even when it exposes SO MUCH darkness in me. Looking in the mirror of God’s perfect righteousness, which painfully displays all of my imperfections. Ouch!
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Pingback: Why Jesus was no nice guy – by Susanne Schuberth « A Wilderness Voice
WOW, Susanne! You’ve left me trembling with this one!
Do you remember what I told you about being tolerant with the Jezebel spirit? I believe in this post you have paraphrased what I wanted to express then.
I pray for discernment every single day, because I know I’m still gullible, and have too much of a “people-pleaser” in me. I tend to avoid confrontation because I’ve had too much of it… I still bear the scars of my fights (sometimes physical) with my father, and I really hate it when I have to say it like it is. I tend to withdraw emotionally when people hurt me… Sometimes that’s good, but sometimes I wonder, what if God wants me to not just pray about what I’ve seen, but also say it? I much prefer the “mute prophet” role… and it can be a comfortable excuse when I’m afraid to speak.
I have been a “brutally frank” person at times… But since the truth came out too “brutally” too often, now I find it difficult to “speak truth in love”.
In any case, I fully accept your exhortation to be VERY discerning as to when to open the door, and when to shut it, lock it and padlock it, with ten thousand alarms against any thief.
Thank you!
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You are very welcome, my sweet sister. 😙🤗😘
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Susanne, your commentary as well as those in the comments section have really touched my heart. I can honestly say that as I walk the narrow road I am for the most part walking completely alone now. I’ll admit, I am having one of those lonely days. Almost everyone I meet who professes Christ is in some kind of error and when we discuss Truth based on God’s Word, not mine – and in love, it is still rejected with “who do you think you are? miss know it all?” and they never want to see me again. Yes, the loneliness at times hurts so bad, but our precious Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus is ALWAYS there walking with me, providing comfort when I need it. Often it is during these lonely times that He is revealing some level of truth to me whether it is examining myself (needing to die to self in another area of my life) or teaching me truth on a deeper level. I admit that I have become “gun shy” getting together for coffee, etc. with another “professing Christian” because I don’t want to listen to more error. I am so tired of the constant tension, hostility and resistance from those who profess Christ. So many have the spirit of rebellion. I do realize it is Jesus Christ who they are rejecting, not me. I am not willing to compromise Truth and that does not sit well with many. God Bless!
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Dear Nancy,
I was very sorry to hear that you were having one of those lonely days today. That is NOT easy, I know. 😦 And it is VERY difficult to not look for ANY kind of fellowship, even if it is with professing Christians who have no clue what you are talking about. As for me, I have given up on trying to talk with overconfident ‘Christians’ about God, Jesus, or doctrine. Only if someone asks me, soemthing which, of course, rarely happens since they often think they know it all. Sometimes it is much easier with non-Christians who are not that ‘experienced’ (read puffed up with the wrong knowledge) since you do not meet so much prejudice with them.
It is good to know that Christ is with you and comforts your troubled heart when you need it, my dear sister. You are in my heart and prayers.
May God bless you too, immensely!
Much love, ❤ ❤ ❤
Susanne
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Nancy,
Your comment has touched my heart as well. I can so relate with that experience of loneliness after trying unsuccessfully to commune with church-go-ers who are not church-be-ers! (Added hyphens bc my neologism without them sounded profane, ha ha)
Being hurt and rejected in the world is an experience I expect. It’s logical. They don’t know Jesus, so obviously they feel attacked when you begin to share truths about God and the Gospel. They feel, even if you’re very careful, that you’re trying to impose your views on them. So, while I do my best to keep sharing as much truth as possible, I withdraw respectfully when I sense opposition and wait for a better time to keep sharing, if God gives me a chance (I mean specifically with my unbelieving in-laws and other relatives).
Experiencing the same or even stronger negative reaction in people who go to church Sunday after Sunday is mind-boggling to me. How come do they know so much theory but totally refuse to walk the talk? How can we find so much shallowness? Worse than that, how can there be so little genuine compassion among them? I say them, because sadly, I have to clearly distance myself from them. It’s gotten to a point that when people ask me about my beliefs, I don’t know what to say. If you say “Christian” or “evangelical”, you immediately conjure up so many negative connotations most unbelievers are more aware of than churchgoers are! Most of us can’t see through our own hypocrisy but the world can! And the name of God is blasphemed because of us! Well, them… But I want to be part of the solution, not the problem. So I focus on MY own hypocrisy first, and I have a big task before me at that! 😉
Thing is, I cannot preach and won’t preach about Christ… Not if I don’t know HIM. I know about Him. Do I know Him? If I don’t, I have a bigger problem than not fitting in a church environment! If I do, and I increasingly do, I have ALL the company I need!
But God is good! and He knows I long for fellowship with other “humans”. So He got me to Susanne, and Michael, and other “out-of-the-box”, “out-of-the-building” disciples of the true, living JESUS. Most of my very best friends are people whose face I’ve never seen except in profile photos, whose voice I’ve never even heard! I cannot afford to fly to Germany, the US, or South Africa, but the “meeting of souls” here, though “virtual”, is more real than 99% of the “building-based” relationships that lasted only as long as my church membership lasted (or, if they continued, they mostly became very superficial, with How are you doing? talks and nothing else). The only exception to this is my dear husband, my partner since 1999.
I pray that God will be our all in all! Our hope of glory! I pray He will give you a big bear hug to fill all your empty places and heal all your hurts! God is for you. Who can be against you? Who can accuse you? Who can come between you and the God who loves you and had His only begotten Son die on a cross for YOU? His grace is sufficient for you, girl!
Lots of agape love to you both, dear sisters!
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Lots of His love to you, too, dear Carina. ❤ ❤ ❤
That was a sweet comment! Thanks!!
‘Churchbeers’… hahaha XD
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Oh, well, Jesus was accused of being a drunkard because he loved to hang out with sinners like us! So be it! 😉
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Carina, thanks for being my friend as well. I am glad to see you taking Romans ch. 8 to heart. “Who can separate us…” The Spirit of God knows no boundaries and when we fellowship in Him with His saints, we are never far apart. In Christ He also eliminated all social boundaries. No longer is their slave or free, Argentinean or American or German, etc. nor is there any male nor female, but a NEW Creation. We do not have to “go to church” because we ARE the church, the ekklesia of God who have been made ONE in the Father and the Son.
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Amen! I don’t like it when I hear Christians say, “Let’s pray for our country so that our nation will bow its knee to Christ.” Though Israel did experience national revivals at many points in its history, I don’t think this is the message of the NT. The mind of Christ is all of us who are in Christ are no longer citizens of the particular country we were born at.
Of course, “righteousness exalts a nation”, and we should pray for our authorities, etc. But the focus is at the same time geographically world-wide and completely out of this world. When I come across this “dominion theology” of conquering the nations because we’re sooo anointed, I puke! I cannot even conquer my own self, you’ve seen this!!! 😦 My ONLY hope is in God’s almighty rod that ends up every argument but ultimately heals my rebelliousness with a kiss on my wounds.
“Pray for the peace of Jerusalem” acquired a new meaning when I understood God was calling me to pray, not for physical Jerusalem, for national Jews, but for those who were called and chosen, either Jew or Greek, so that all of us would find shalom in Christ and Christ alone. The kingdom of Jesus is not of this world, and when we pray for His kingdom to come, we’re praying something that exceeds by far our ideas of what that may mean. Your new post ties in very well to that idea.
Thank you, Michael! I really hope we can continue to be friends, and learn to abide in the fellowship of the Father and Son, under His absolute government. That’s the key to true fellowship with each other.
Agape love to you.
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Susanne, thank you for your kind words of encouragement – iron sharpens iron. How do you define an overconfident ‘Christian?’ I’m wondering if I am one of those. God forbid. I am very passionate about my faith walk and my relationship with our precious Lord Jesus. I’m also sensitive to the Holy Spirits leading and conviction. Perhaps this passion and conviction comes across as overconfident? Not sure. I am truly amazed at how many Christians are willing to compromise truth. It’s heart breaking because I do not feel led to engage in further fellowship myself. Apologies for all the “I’s” and “me’s” in this response. Just needed a little encouragement today from another sojourner on the narrow road.
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You’re very welcome as to the encouragement, Nancy. Nooo, I did not speak about you here!!!
Well, I am not sure whether I can define an overconfident
'Christian'(*), however, I can try to describe one or two, thinking here also of the way I awkwardly behaved in the past before God confronted me with an ever-deeper self-knowledge. It appears to me that before the cross becomes the defining feature of our daily walk with Christ, the dangerous tendency to speak and act from our old self nature is never a long way away.I recall two Christian (Pentecostal) women who strongly remind me of the way I acted in the past as well. Whenever they are in big trouble, they seem to be humbled and cry out for God’s help. You cannot help but have compassion with them, then. Nonetheless, as soon as they have recovered and sense that God might have heard their prayers, they speak up ‘boldly’ (filled with disgusting pride of which they are unaware) and tell others that they should do exactly as they did. It seems to be the only way to approach God… Also, they think that there is no other ‘higher’ way, something that is way beyond that which can be known from simply knowing the Bible, church meetings, pastoring and preaching. They are so confident in their belief that they condescendingly speak about everyone who does not share it, for example, Catholics.
Furthermore, I know a Roman Catholic woman who seems to act pretty much the same. After prayers that ‘helped’, she is convinced that Catholic belief is the only true faith there is. But whenever God chooses to not answer any of her prayers, she wonders whether He ever heard her.
As precious as these three women are to me, I know that their confidence does not lie in God; it is simply rooted in their soul and old nature. Real faith, instead, which needs to be received by God must have one fundament alone and that is Christ, our eternal rock that cannot be shaken. His faith does not waver when the going gets tough for it is not dependent on the outcome and circumstances.
(*)I put Christian in inverted commas since I believe, like John Wesley, for instance, that only those who have received His Spirit are Christians in the biblical sense:“You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.” (Rom 8:9 ESV)
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I am with you, Susanne. Jesus said,
Spiritual pride is always of the wrong spirit (see Luke 9:51-56).
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Thanks, Michael. Yes, knowing Jesus and His heart for everyone makes all the difference. ❤
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Oh yes, these Scriptures in Luke display quite bluntly how Jesus dealt with pride in his disciples: he rebuked them!
Very good, Michael. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
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I have no doubts that God is working in their hearts, Carina. And I have had these three women in my prayers for years/decades. My thoughts were more about the impossibility to have fellowship with someone who is not open to deeper, spiritual truth. We can only listen to them, love them and pray for them.
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Susanne, in the case of these three ladies, it is a warning to us to not become fixed in our ways of thinking about the kingdom of God. Denominational teachings and thinking can be the worst enemy of growing in Christ. Or worse yet, we get blessed by God in a “ministry” of our own and it grows into something we become attached to more than obedience to the upward leading of the Lord.
Like today’s TAS devotional points out, God’s kingdom is always expanding, “And of the increase of His kingdom there will be no end.” This verse and many others takes on scope if we are willing to be stretched by His work in our hearts. What God has blessed so far as we have obeyed His voice and given us vision to build on will not be the same tomorrow. In some cases He has to destroy the building and root up the old foundation in order to go deeper and wider with a new Foundation that will support the building He wants to place on it. I know that He has had to do this in my life.
Paul was first a Pharisee of Pharisees with great scriptural knowledge, but that was all counted a dung in a flash once he saw and heard the resurrected Christ. He then spent years in isolation being taught by Jesus, but then one day he was taken to be in fellowship with the saints in Antioch. Then after a year or so he was separated from them and started his missionary journeys. That did not last forever, either. God had Him confined in prison and house arrest for years in Rome and it is from this season in his life that we have so many of his wonderful letters. Then finally he is martyred by Nero. Yet, Paul was obedient to his upward call at each stage along the way. What a lesson lies in all this for us.
See? He has used you to inspire another blog article once again. 🙂
Bless you, dear sister,
Michael
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I am happy you were inspired to keep writing and publishing, Michael! 🙂
Indeed, knowing God through loving Him in the Spirit and knowing about God through Scripture and other writings is not the same. If our knowledge hinders us to get to know Him as He really is, He will send us into the spiritual wilderness as long as He sees fit.
Bless you, too,
Susanne 🏝 🎼 🤗 🎶
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Susanne, you said…“My thoughts were more about the impossibility to have fellowship with someone who is not open to deeper, spiritual truth. We can only listen to them, love them and pray for them.”
This speaks to my heart concerning the inability to have fellowship with some (many?). Your words reminded me of Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
Without friendship, there is no fellowship.
Without concord (agreement between persons, concur), there is no communion.
I am so thankful that both you and Michael, by the grace of God, provide a place of fellowship for many of us.
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Wow!! That was a Spirit-led response, dear Nancy. This Scripture truly fits perfectly here! Thank you so much for sharing it with me. It was very helpful for me right now! 🙂
And you’re right regarding fellowship… not some… but many, if not a great many people/believers are concerned. 😦
Lots of love,
Susanne
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Thanks for your encouragement and insight, Nancy. ⭐
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Carina, thank you for your kind and edifying words. Like you, I now pull back when sharing Jesus Christ and the Gospel as soon as I sense opposition. Perhaps my passion and conviction got in the way? Most of my family no longer communicate with me even though they are ALL professing Christians and what makes that even harder is we live on opposite coasts of the US. They just don’t want to hear truth…they want it on their terms which is compromise. So be it. I have pulled back from saying anything more to them and just continue to lift them in prayer that their hearts may be softened.
Also, just lately I have been sensing in my spirit that the narrow road has just gotten a bit more narrow, in fact it is getting tight. I am seeing fewer and fewer Christians walking it. So this observation and reality has just recently set in and grieves me.
Am I surprised? Yes and No. I believe this election revealed how many professing Christians are still deeply attached to the things of this world – the deception that is occurring today is blinding many from truth. They are simply “lukewarm” at best. Yet, not surprised because God’s word tells us this is so.
Matthew 7:13-14 The Straight Gate…
13) Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction and MANY there be which go in thereat:
14) Because straight is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and FEW there be that find it.
This truth humbles me!!! Why me? Why any of us? May our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ be glorified in all we say and do and may our hearts be full of thanksgiving.
God Bless!
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I also read your comments on AWV, Carina, and I just found something in TAS’ writings that deals with the question of how easily we can be wrong when judging/condemning ourselves. If you are interested, here is an excerpt.
“Well, in the first place, the soul is the soul and the stark reality is that it has these possibilities, capabilities, and tendencies bound up with it. At such times, and in such conditions, when the helpfulness of good health and a balanced physical system is no longer present, we see what is possible to any mortal under the same conditions. This is only a matter of the degrees in which a basic fact is manifested. Much can be done to relieve this condition and produce amiability and a more happy frame by physical readjustment and renewal, but good health with its attendant good demeanour never was saintliness in its essential nature.
A man is not made really more Christlike in his nature by being relieved of certain nervous and mental aggravations, pressures, or sicknesses. Perhaps the greatest value of such relief is that he loses the melancholic beliefs about his spiritual state. But what we may believe about ourselves under certain conditions, and what is actually the truth, may still be worlds apart. Satan has led many children of God to extremes of despair, and even to self-injury, by the lie that their own soul-life is the criterion; whereas, for the child of God, Christ is the criterion. Be the most self-assured, self-complacent, self-possessed, self-composed person imaginable, and you are not necessarily therefore a child of God. Be the most pressed, harassed, tortured, devil-assailed person possible, but this need not alter the fact that you are a child of God.”
http://www.austin-sparks.net/english/books/001346.html
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You are a a sweet-heart, Susanne! From the depths of the grave, I called for help, and the Lord Almighty heard my cry! When I was about to lose my sanity, I cried out to God, and He was there for me. He didn’t relieve me immediately. I needed five long years of “the dark night of the soul” to make sense of what had happened to me at 21. I have had several other little “dark nights” but not like that darkness, thank God!
But every time I become overwhelmed with these oppressive demonic forces, I’m reminded of Paul’s thorn in the flesh. Because of my “existential crises” due to my perception that I’m so very imperfect, I remember it’s all about grace.
Perhaps if I didn’t have such a strong tendency to subtly forget it’s all about Christ and slowly begin to backslide and rely on my natural giftedness (with all the falls that are assured to those who walk in pride!), I wouldn’t have so many ups and downs with God. The fact is, it seems I need that thorn in the flesh!
Yes, I am a child of God… But you know in every household, there’s a child who’s hyperkinetic and keeps touching everything and breaking things. A child who’s a little hypersensitive and feels rejected with every little instruction to “shape up”. A child who is hypercurious and tends to get distracted with rabbit trails. That would be me. And my 7-year-old is my carbon copy. We also have a restless dog, and a cat who is continually screaming (not miaowing) for attention. Oh, my dear husband! The depths of patience he has learned in our household have been an intensive course in not going insane under pressure.
We as a family have been learning to surrender to God every day. I can say if all honesty, if God hadn’t been working a miracle in both of us since we committed to the Lord in 2004, Juan Pío and me would never have married or would have divorced loooong ago. But God is very good. He’s so good that He’s been able to shape this most filthy and unworthy vessel into something that can hold some divine content. He still has a lot to work to do!
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Apropos marriage miracles, you might like this part of my testimony, dear Carina. 😉
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You have been through a lot, Carina. 😣 😥 😚 😚 😚
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Michael,
Yes, pride is a most insidious disease, a chameleon monster which has the ability to disguise itself with so many different costumes that it’s impossible to discern it except for the enlightening of the Holy Spirit.
The Lord has had me go back, again and again, to Lamentations 3. The verses in this chapter reflects my own experience.
Just a few, for example:
I am the [wo]man who has seen affliction by the rod of His wrath.
He has led me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
Surely He has turned His hand against me
Time and time again throughout the day.
He has aged my flesh and my skin,
And broken my bones.
He has besieged me
And surrounded me with bitterness and woe.
He has set me in dark places
Like the dead of long ago.
He has hedged me in so that I cannot get out;
He has made my chain heavy.
Even when I cry and shout,
He shuts out my prayer.
“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”
If I hadn’t had that flicker of hope, a yet uncertain but real hope that Jesus loved me and would save me, I would certainly not have survived this threshing.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear
The yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone and keep silent,
Because God has laid it on him;
Let him put his mouth in the dust—
There may yet be hope.
There certainly is hope! But we need to keep bearing the yoke of Christ, which is easy, and His burden, which is light. This easy and light doesn’t mean little suffering! But our suffering is greatly increased by our rebellion. We can choose to dance in the fire like Daniel’s friends, or we can scream for the fire to stop. We can choose to sing in the prison, like Paul and Silas, or we can complain and murmur, Why do you allow us to go through this, God!
It seems there must have been lots of pride in me for me to have had to be afflicted so very much. There is pride still. Unlike other diseases of my soul, many of which were healed immediately when I cried out to God, it seems this unholy root takes much longer to uproot. It’s like bad mushrooms or weeds in a garden: you keep weeding them out, but sadly you remove some, and a couple of days later, the garden is full of them again!
And presumption… Dear friends, I greatly fear the Lord on this one. I know God has given me natural gifts and talents and also some supernatural gifts. But again, I don’t want to think just because I have a strong passion, impulse or zeal to do something this means it’s necessarily God leading me. I may be horribly mistaken so I prefer to confess like Paul that I’m “in chains”, and pray to always be constrained by His love to only do His will for me.
I would greatly appreciate your prayers. Love you both!
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You have my prayers, dear Carina, you have my prayers. ❤
Instead of a long and detailed response as to what you had to go through, I will send you an email with an older blog post of mine attached (“The Burden of False Guilt”). There I wrote about my own experiences with sexual abuse and gang rape as a teenager. Although this post seemed to be helpful to some abused women (maybe, you could read the comments section there, too?), it also pulled the wrong spirits (in men) to my blog. Therefore the Lord told me to delete this blog completely and to no longer write about these things publicly.
Love you, my sister!
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Oh, wow! I certainly don’t want to attract any wrong spirit with my openness to talk about these things. I have done so in the hope that perhaps women who have been through something similar may find encouragement and hope.
I will add just one thing on this: the terrible thing about my experience was that it was not rape. If it had been rape, at least I might have had the consolation that I had been totally unwilling and an innocent victim (sure I might have had guilt about dressing inappropriately, going to dangerous places at night, or whatever).
But here there was this Mr. Deadly-Charm (I mean literal charm) who literally bewitched me and blinded me and got me to betray all the values I supposedly firmly believed in. That’s what makes my guilt actual, well-founded guilt. Sure, I was naïve and that was my downfall.
It was the existential vaccuum of a father who was usually unloving (and perhaps an unconscious desire for revenge) and a mother who tried but failed to really shield me from his unrighteous anger. It was the desperate need to hear words of affirmation from a man (and he was such a master at flattery!). He wrapped me around his finger and I went willingly, though in ignorance. I didn’t even realize what was going on until it happened. Totally unplanned. I was horrified. I felt I’d given my soul away, not just my body. What hurt me the most was the understanding that I’d betrayed my faith. Catholic as I was, confused in doctrine as I was, I did believe that Jesus Christ was my Savior and I had a certain awareness of what His lordship meant.
Anyway, I don’t plan to keep talking about this subject. It’s certainly something I don’t want to dwell on! The Lord brought it to my mind recently together with the phrase “soul rape”. I think I’ve been soul raped many times. 😦
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Carina, another caveat here. It really hurt me reading this:
“… the terrible thing about my experience was that it was not rape. If it had been rape, at least I might have had the consolation that I had been totally unwilling and an innocent victim (sure I might have had guilt about dressing inappropriately, going to dangerous places at night, or whatever).”
I do not think that women who were raped, like me, feel consolated in any form whatsoever. I hope you got my e-mail meanwhile and saw how many women were indeed raped, abused as children and how long they suffer from these things. Even a life-time.
Please, dear sister, before writing another lengthy comment, ask the Lord about being more sensitive toward the wounds of others, too.
Thank you.
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Oh, dear sis, I didn’t mean to hurt you at all! I’m very sorry for this!
No, of course, I don’t minimize the hurt you’ve suffered, which is excruciating. I grieve over your experience and that of so many other women who have been through similar situations.
What I’m saying is, in your case (I have read your post but not the comments yet) you were absolutely not guilty. In my case, I was not innocent. Naïve, yes. Innocent, no. I had my big share of blame in what happened. So in that sense, my guilt was not false guilt.
There is something similar and something different in what we’ve experienced. My case would be somewhat similar to that of a battered wife, though thank God I didn’t marry the guy. I was infatuated and tricked into a sick kind of relationship, so now I can understand why women are conned into marrying abusers. If God hadn’t rescued me by exposing the narcissist’s lies, I’m sure the relationship would have continued. I’m sure the guy would have eventually hit me and probably raped me literally, because he had that kind of profile.
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It was not so much about my own pain here, Carina. However, I know that some abused women still check out my blogs at times. And most of them were not healed. I am an empath who feels with and for others, therefore the restriction.
I do know you do not want to hurt anyone, my sister. But sometimes we do it, though, because “when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” (Prv 10:19 ESV) This might also apply to our writings, I believe.
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You are very right! 😦
Well, I meant my post to be a help to women who’d suffered abuses such as mine, but didn’t realize it might be interpreted as lack of empathy for people who suffered an abuse such as yours. Again, please forgive me, and I hope if any abused women read what I wrote, they will accept my apologies too.
Love you greatly and hope to be helpful to you, not hurtful.
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You were forgiven even before you wrote an apology, Carina. I love you!
I saw that which makes us insensitive toward others at times are our own unhealed wounds. There is a hard shell around our heart that created this insensitivy toward our own pain and toward the pain of others. As soon as the Lord has opened these dark regions inside us, the tears begin to flow and healing sets in. Then we might also feel the wounds in others, even before they tell us. It is a long process, my sister. ❤
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I am happy to hear that you found reading this blog about the experience of Jesus’ light in Paul and me helpful regarding you and Dorothy, too, my brother.
Actually, I am not aware of having let His light shine, Michael, but you are welcome if you have received something good which was surely from God, not from me. You are precious to me! ⭐
Susanne 🐱
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Dear Carina,
I read all you shared here with Susanne, though it touched my heart, I thought it not wise to comment on most of it. But as I read where you talked about writing your story about all you have been through, a thought came to me. Paul wrote about his story of suffering for Christ and it is scattered throughout his letters to the churches. But, he always wrote about the suffering and persecutions from the healed Paul, Christ side of the looking glass, view. So when he is a prisoner of Nero in Rome he speaks of himself as being “a prisoner of Christ.” When he speaks of suffering, he speaks of death working in him that life might abound to others. Going through “the valley of the shadow of death” is only beneficial to us and others when we can see that He has also prepared for us a wonderful table of spiritual food even in the presence of our enemies, seeing that His rod and staff are there to comfort us.
There is a place for writing before we are totally healed for it can serve as a catharsis to get it all out in some kind of order where we can see what has been festering down inside of us, then we can cry out to God to be healed. But as far as it goes for “public consumption,” the “afterwards,” after the healing, then it will bring forth what has happened from God’s view point and HE will be glorified in it all.
Brotherly love,
Michael
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Very good thoughts, Michael! ⭐
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Carina, I am not offended with you. I feel compassion for you. Your father has left his imprint on you for sure as have other men in your life in both positive and negative ways. One of the greatest things that I have learned is the depth of meaning of this verse, “And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven.” (Matt 23:9, ESV2011).
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Susanne, I have been prayerfully considering our dialogue here and neglected to mention that the common thread that runs through those professing Christians I was referring to concerning fellowship – they do not open their Bibles and read God’s word. They even admit it when I ask them. This is why they are in error. Many prefer extra Biblical material over the Bible. They will only listen to what their pastor/teacher is telling them. Michael, I read your post on The Body is Christ’s Not Man’s. That was powerful and is exactly what is going on within much of the body of so-called believers today. So when someone like me who has been called out of the church system explains their error, I get, “who does she think she is? Miss know it all?” “What makes you think you are the only one in truth? You don’t even attend a church!” All I have to do is ask what are you reading these days and that tells me much in the way of error and deception. It always comes down to “what does God’s word say?” (in context!) That is our final authority. If these individuals would spend time in God’s word, I believe that many would receive correction from the Holy Spirit, asking for eyes to see and ears to hear. I am always thankful when a brother or sister in the Lord corrects me (in truth). Any Holy Spirit filled Christian who desires and asks the Lord to go deeper into His word, His truth, will receive it. The problem today is that many love the beautiful lie and hate the ugly truth.
No doubt, being a Christian is not for wimps and it will cost us dearly, which is why we are to consider the cost. I am always reminded of John 6:68-69, “Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. 69) And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.” For those whom believe, the cost pales to His truth and promises. The road becomes very, very narrow for those who hate the things of this world (the world system) and have left the church system as well. It truly is a road less traveled and this is when isolation and loneliness can set in which is why I shared as I did earlier. For those who are in Christ Jesus, to whom shall we go? There really is no longer any choice as the choice has been made. To God be all the glory! Blessings dear sister!
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Nancy, you nailed it as you said,
“This is why they are in error. Many prefer extra Biblical material over the Bible. They will only listen to what their pastor/teacher is telling them.”
Very good! Been there, done that, too, more than 20 years ago. But as soon as we know biblical truth better than our pastor/teacher because the Holy Spirit showed us what was wrong, it is time to leave the system completely behind us and to follow His leading alone.
Blessings to you, too, dear sister!
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Susanne, I have tried to be part of churches where I knew the Bible than the pastor did and it did not bode well for me. Sooner or later someone would tell the pastor about my knowledge of the Bible thinking that they were honoring me and from that point on I was a target in the mind of that man. It does fair well with us when we outshine the local pope. 🙂
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I know, Michael, and I was thinking of you when I wrote this. 😉
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Nancy, what is going on in these man centered churches that are little more than personality cults is what Jeremiah saw about 3000 years ago in Israel,
“Be astonished, O you heavens, at this, and be horribly afraid, be you very desolate, says the LORD. For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed themselves out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.” (Jer 2:12-13, KJ2000)
Jesus is from where we get our Life giving water, not some Cracked Pot (broken cistern). Jeremiah saw this tendency in the Jews to look to mere men instead of drawing close to God as something astonishing and terrifying, but today Christians see it as totally acceptable and the norm. Sad that so many have traded their birthright as sons and daughters of God so that they can call an earthly man “my father in the faith” or “pastor’/teacher” (rabbi), for only One is our Father and only ONE is our Teacher, even Christ.
Bless you as you continue to seek His lovely face, Nancy.
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