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anxiety, church, depression, dreams, experience, family, fears, fellowship, freedom, interpretation, John of the Cross, joy, Michael Clark, my journal, prayer, suicide, the dark night of the spirit, visions
Well, seven years ago, as I was still all alone in my walk with Daddy and Jesus, I was plagued by several fears. At that time, it was not that clear to me what the root of these fears was. As I know today, it was the fear of death, not of my own death since I had a wonderful NDE (near death experience) in 1998, but of losing my loved ones (parents, daughter, husband… you get the picture). After having already lost our only son through a miscarriage in 2009, these fears kept coming back much stronger than before, again and again. I have been pretty anxious all my life, however, during the Dark Night of the Spirit (see John of the Cross’ same-titled book) that began in 2010, it got worse and worse, i.e., God began to open the deep recesses of my heart so that I could both see AND feel these fears – extremely!!!
Just lately, let’s say during the last 2 1/2 years, I had to undergo many different trials of which one of them seemed to culminate last weekend. I felt great fear and mentally exhausted as our daughter Sarah had told us that she could not only get rid of her continued suicidal thoughts and that she had even been out on one of our balconies (6th floor) with her foot on the railing, ready to jump. SHOCK!!! Although I was at first somehow relieved that she had at least told us about it, my nervous system got pretty wobbly afterwards. My hubby Paul and I tried to comfort her with God’s help as much as we could, yet even as we prayed for her, we felt completely helpless and clueless about how to really help her. Don’t ask me about the following night!!! Sleep? Not really. 😦 Instead, my heartbeat was racing like a hammer while Satan kept attacking me with pictures on my mind where I saw Sarah standing on the balcony again, realizing that I could not do ANYTHING to keep her from jumping off! Although this was not the first horrible situation during the last years, between many, that was one of the worst nights I had lately…
As some readers might know, Michael Clark and I have an internet fellowship of which I will now share with you the prophecy God gave me about it seven years ago. “It” refers both to our fellowship and to these fears with which our daughter and family have had to struggle for about five years now. Of course, due to these 5,500 miles between Idaho and Bavaria, our fellowship has been more virtual than anything else since we never met personally. However, Christ’s Spirit is everywhere, especially where two (or three) are gathered in His name since there He is in their midst. Two days ago, after many prayers for our families and for Sarah in particular, Michael and I were talking on the phone while I was still struggling with my fears. Prayer did not really seem to help…. Suddenly Michael began to read a Scripture from the Old Testament to me. I listened to his words and did a pretty impolite thing I normally do not do. “STOP!!! STOP, MICHAEL!!!!!“ I interrupted him all excited. “This is Psalm 91, right??” Michael seemed to be a bit startled at first, but then I made him grin as I added, “YOU are the man I dreamed about seven years ago, now I KNOW!!!”I was laughing out loud and felt this burden of fears falling from my heart like a big rock. BOOM!!! 🙂
You might be curious now what kind of dream I was referring to. Well, I wrote a fat book back then in 2010 and 2011 (in German, of course) which was never published. The Roman Catholic Church was not interested in someone’s very personal experiences with God, so I let this book ‘sleep’ in a remote corner of one of our file cabinets in the office. Michael who knew about this book was very interested in what I had written, esp. in that part that consists of my more or less daily journal. Last year I finally sent him my book via email and Michael began to translate it with Google Translator. When some parts did not make much sense to him, we made the necessary corrections on the phone together. Sooo, now I want to share this part of my journal with you which describes this particular dream I had. Here you are. 😉
May 31, 2010
Again and again I return to this void in my mind.
Sometimes I am amazed that I so often share in this wonderful joy in God, especially on my prayer walks. However, at home, I am often plagued by fears, the cause of which is not quite clear to me.
Some time ago I had a dream in which an unknown tall man with dark hair sat at a table facing me. He had a Bible in his hands which he all of a sudden pressed into my hand, asking me,
“Read Psalm 91, where Jesus speaks.”
At first I wondered why Jesus should speak in Psalm 91 (doesn’t He only speak in the New Testament?), but then I tried to read…and tried…and tried. It was impossible!!! Only senseless stammering came from my mouth.
For what I saw before me was not Psalm 91, but merely singular and seemingly unrelated words interrupted by recorded symbols of a switching circuit so that they did not make sense to me at all.
I woke up completely confused and looked it up in the Bible.
When reading Psalm 91, verse 5, I suddenly felt quite warm around my heart. For there you could read,
“You need not be afraid of the horror of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.”
And in Psalm 91, verse 11, I read further:
“For he hath set up his angels for thee to keep thee in all thy ways.”
God knows my heart and my fears very well. I think it is so wonderful that HE takes care of all my needs and does not want me to be afraid.
Just for clarification, the switching circuit I found in my ‘Bible’ was an analogy of sorts and a confirmation God gave me regarding Michael who is a retired master electrician. It was only yesterday as he sent me a copied page of his book where he gathered many of these switching circuits. Isn’t God quite humorous in the way He communicates His thoughts and plans with us? 😉 In fact, Jesus spoke through Michael as he read these verses to me and it was ONLY as I heard him say these words as I was reminded of this dream, knowing in my very heart, “God hath spoken.” Dear brothers and sisters, we can never interpret dreams or visions unless they come true in our own lives or if God helps us explain them. I would like to issue a caveat here and warn about the tendency to interpret dreams and visions as to referring to religious and churchly stuff only. From my own experience, I can say that we are so precious to God that He speaks to us in our dreams about our own lives! Indeed, it is one of many ways we can receive direction and correction from Him.
Oh, Susanne! What a blessing it was to read about what God did for us once again. One thing that really blew my mind about how all this unfolded was that I had NO CLUE about the importance of that passage in Pslam 91 has to you. I only heard Him say part of verse seven so to get it in context I started to read verse five through verse ten to you. Well, you broke in with “Michael Stop!” and told me about it. What was interesting was that I never got your book interpreted as far as the May 31, 2010 entry. So, I did not know about your dream you had back then. What an amazing God we have! Seven years ago He foretold that I would be in your life and read this exact passage that would speak to your current fears and soothe your heartache over your daughter.
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Oops, yes, Michael, I forgot to mention some important details in my blog and I am glad you added them on here. Although I felt I had to write this blog in the middle of the night, I think I might go to bed now since it is almost 3 am in Germany here. 😉
Thank you for this wonderful fellowship I may share with you, my dear brother! 🙂
Your eternal sister in Christ,
Susanne 🐱
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Susanne, I about five years ago I started praying that our Daddy would open to me the truth in Jesus’ final prayer about the love and unity that is ours in the Father and the Son (see John 17:21-26). So, typical of the way God teaches us, He set in motion a practical way for me to learn and experience this lesson. He put two people together in the Spirit who are thousands of miles apart to have a divine fellowship in the Son and be used to trigger one another in areas that needed healing as well as support one another in His love. We have both overcome so many obstacles from the wounds in our past together over the last three years we have known one another as He has poured out His love on us. The resulting light, peace and unity we walk in together has been incredible. May we continue to grow into the fullness of Christ and glory of the Godhead together for eternity.
Eternally your brother in a heavenly bond,
Michael ❤ 🐻
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Amen to your prayer, Michael!
It seems God heard both our prayers for a genuine fellowship that does not consist in shaking hands once a week on Sundays, my brother. I was never content with simply going to church, hearing about God, and then having to live my own life alone afterwards. That was not the way it should be, I thought.
Thank God, He put us together and created a oneness of which we could not even have dreamed. We are truly God’s workmanship in Christ as nothing we could do on our own could have ever led to such a wonderful outcome!
Your sister forever,
Susanne ❤ 🐱
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Susanne, I was never content with this artificial Christian “life”, either. I drove the other church people crazy because after the “service” I wanted to get together and talk about Jesus, but the guys wanted to talk about sports and their worldly lives if we DID get together. Even the pastors were this way! Jesus said, “I came that you might have Life and have it more abundantly.” He was not talking about happiness in this world system, but rather the One who said, “I AM the Way, the Truth and the LIFE.”
“And sold their possessions and goods, and distributed them to all men, as every man had need. And they, continuing DAILY with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from HOUSE TO HOUSE, did eat their food with gladness and sincerity of heart, Praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church DAILY such as were being saved.” (Acts 2:45-47, KJ2000)
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Yes, Michael, not even the pastors wanted to talk about Jesus when you met them privately. That made me wonder, indeed. The IC is a worldly ‘creation’ as far I can see.
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“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Their preferred topics of conversation shows what world they are of. I will be praying for you and your daughter, dear heart.
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Yes, that Scripture truly hit the nail smack on its head!
Thank you very much for your prayers, dear Michael. Sarah and I truly covet them. She is not doing that well at the moment. These mood swings, you know…
Until next time!
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You are both welcome. ❤ ❤
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🐠🐙🐓🐣🐧🐔🐗… that was Sarah…💙…🐫🐣🐧🐿🐘🐻🐰… that was Susanne…💖🙃
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Cute! 😀 🐻💖🐰💙🐗
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Yup! Sarah found out that there are many more cute emoticons on the phone (on WordPress) than her mom had seen. 😉
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Does she hold online classes for back woods, low tech WordPress users? 😛
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As I asked her about it, she said that she did not even know WordPress… 😉
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Susanne, I forgot to mention in my comment all the prayers we have offered up for one another in the last three years as well! God has used you to drill into me the importance of prayer and how effective it can be. Or as James put it,
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (or woman) avails much.” (Jas 5:16, KJ2000)
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Oh yes, Michael, we prayed A LOT!!! And how wonderful it was when God finally heard our prayers! This joy of a heard prayer cannot be compared to anything else!!! May we continue to be healed, my dear brother. ❤
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Yes, dear heart. I know that we have a ways to go in this fellowship IN Christ as of yet for,”It does not yet appear what we shall be, but we know this, that when He appears we shall be like Him for we shall see Him AS HE IS.” ⭐ ⭐
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Amen, it is a long way, Michael…
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But His grace is sufficient for us to make it! ⭐ ⭐
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Yes and amen, Michael. Without Him we would be lost!
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“For the LORD Most High is awesome. He is the great King of all the earth” (Ps. 47: 2). ❤
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Amen, Anna. Thank you! ❤ 🙂
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Yes He is, Anna. AWESOME!!! ⭐ ❤ ⭐
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Thank you for sharing. I rejoice in your victories.
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You’re very welcome, dear Pat. ❤ To be honest with you, it was a partial victory. Taken as a whole, it has been a process of being set free and, of course, Satan keeps attacking His enemies aka God’s children. I am still under attack… Without Jesus’ help and the prayers of compassionate Christians like you, I would be lost!
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I will assure you that I will seek to be persistant in my praying for Sarah
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That was so sweet by you, Ken. Thank you very much!! 🙂 Indeed, we can only seek to be persistent. If the Holy Spirit did not help me pray, I would forget about it immediately!
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” (Rom 8:26 ESV)
It should not be a burden to pray unless God gives us a prayer burden where words are lacking most of the time. That did not happen to me very often in many years, but when it did, it broke my heart until I felt relief from God and Knew the prayer He had given me was heard, eventually.
Thanks again, my dear brother! 🙂
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Yes exactly! When I read your article Dad put the burden upon me to pray for her–I know what it is like because I lost two daughters to death and I had a sister that commited suicide,plus I contemplated suicide while going thru my divorce.BUT Dad said no your not,I have everything in My hands and you just keep trucken along and let Me work it out–Thank God I listened and here I am today just a trucking along and reading you and Mikes great blog posts!
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Oh nooo, Ken…. you lost two daughters??? And a sister??? And you….? Oh my……. Now you got me weeping here… 😦 😥 Thank God, He protected you later!
I admire your faith, my dear brother. You are in my heart and prayers as well!
Much love to you, ❤ ❤ ❤
Your sister Susanne
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Ken, It is so sad to hear about all your losses in your family. This explains the sober sadness I feel between the lines when I read your comments. Keep on truckin’, my brother! I still hope that we get to meet someday and will be praying for you. It would be great if Daddy would let all three of us meet, wouldn’t it?
Love you in Him ❤
Michael
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Oh Gott Susi, Susanne,
bitte lass mich irgendwie helfen. …. Hier kann ich nicht. Ich bin bei Dir und Deiner Tochter, Deinem Mann !!!! ….. Was soll ich hier sagen… … … Es geht hier nicht. … Bitte…………………………….lass Dir irgendwie helfen. Sicher hast du Profis…… . Fuer Dich und Sarah. Kann sicher auch nichts besser als Du und Dein Mann, andere………….., aber vielleicht……….was soll ich sagen. Ich bin im Geiste bei Euch…. .
Hab gerade ganz laut Pink Floyd gehoert, da musste ich an Dich denken … und dann lese ich das hier……….
Liebe Gruesse Martin Viel, viel Kraft………………Bitte…….
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Martin,
Vielen Dank für Deine lieben Worte. Ich kann langsam ein wenig erahnen, was Du damals durchgemacht haben musst und was es für schreckliche Narben auf der Seele hinterlässt. Es tut mir unendlich leid für Dich und Deine Familie! 😦
Was Sarah angeht, sie war bereits jahrelang in psychotherapeutischer Behandlung mit wenig bis negativem Erfolg. Auch starke Medikamente haben ihr nicht wirklich geholfen… Mittlerweile bin ich an dem Punkt angelangt (der für Deine Ohren vielleicht ein wenig seltsam klingen mag), dass ich nicht mehr auf menschliche Hilfe vertraue, es sei denn ich spüre, dass Gott mir/uns durch einen Menschen helfen will. In manchen Fällen kann wirklich nur Gott helfen. Falls es Dich interessiert, ich habe auch einen Artikel geschrieben, in dem von unserem verstorbenen Sohn David die Rede ist (https://enteringthepromisedland.wordpress.com/2014/07/18/true-fellowship-knows-no-death/). Seit 2009 ist mir klar geworden, dass sämtlicher Trost, der über widrige Lebensumstände, die wir uns nicht selber ausgesucht haben, nur von Gott kommen kann. Was mich angeht, ich bin bestimmt kein religiöser Schwafler, der sich alles irgendwo angelesen hat. Ich bin seit 22 Jahren mit Gott durch ganze viele Tiefen (aber auch Höhen) gegangen und weiß, dass ich mich auf ihn verlassen kann, auch wenn ich ihn oftmals überhaupt nicht verstehe. Ganz ehrlich, es gibt kaum einen Menschen auf der Welt, mit dem ich mehr Schwierigkeiten und Kämpfe gehabt hätte als mit Gott. Ich war manchmal so sauer auf ihn, dass ich ihn, wenn er nur aus Fleisch und Blut gewesen wäre, hätte in der Luft zerreißen können. Aber irgendwie.. ist dann irgendwann doch eine Liebesbeziehung daraus geworden (auch mit Höhen und Tiefen). Ich weiß, dass das ein wenig seltsam klingen mag, aber so isses nun mal. 😉
Was Du jederzeit tun kannst, wenn Du möchtest, ist für unsere Familie zu beten. Deine Familie habe ich schon lange ins Herz geschlossen, obwohl ich Deine Frau und Deinen Sohn nicht kenne, nur von einem Foto auf Facebook. 😉
Liebe Grüße von Susanne
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Wie soll ich eigentlich beten? An wen? Meine Frau ist Adventistin. Hab sie wirklich geliebt. Hab gedacht das kann eine Option sein. War es nicht. Glaube an nichts mehr. Bin trotzdem davon überzeugt, das Menschen sich mit Anstand begegnen müssen. Würde mich als philosophischen Christen bezeichnen, da ich an die Grundprinzipien des Christentums glaube. …….. Aber du hast ganz andere Sorgen. ……..
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Es tut mir sehr leid, das zu hören, Martin. Aus eigener Erfahrung kann ich sagen, dass Religion ist niemals die Lösung ist, ob es nun römisch-katholisch, evangelisch, pfingstlerisch oder adventistisch ist. Entweder die Kirchen sind lahm und liberal oder gesetzlich und erzkonservativ. Wenn man keine Beziehung mit Gott durch Jesus Christus gnadenhalber geschenkt bekommt hat, landet man in einer von diesen oder anderen Religionen (Buddhismus, Hinduismus, Islam) oder esoterischem Quatsch, wo man am Ende sogar von Gott weggeführt wird. Ich kannte Adventisten und ich weiß selber wie extrem radikal und fanatisch man werden kann, wenn Gottes Liebe nicht im Herzen wohnt. Gib nicht auf!
Liebe Grüße von Susanne
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Reblogged this on A Wilderness Voice and commented:
Recently God fulfilled a seven year old prophetic dream for Susanne Schuberth through a conversation we had about her daughter by a Bible verse I spoke to her. She tells about it here on her blog.
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Thank you so much for your reblog of a part of my journal on A Wilderness Voice, dear Michael!!! 💜👍👱🎼♩🎶🎵🎶🕯🕎🕯💚🐣🐦🐰💟🍬🍭🍫🍯🐻🎉🌝⛄💙
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You are so welcome, Susanne. It was quite an experience in the Spirit we shared. 💜👍🐻
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Indeed, it was, Michael! 🙂
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