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aging, blogging, diseases, dying to self, experience, faith, family, following Jesus, God's love, hope, love, marriage, my grandparents, my parents, the old self, World War II
I know it’s been a while since I published the last blog article (five months, oh well). Even still yesterday I was wondering whether I would be done with writing publicly as I have felt NO inclination to jot down my experiences with God for a rather long time. No time and no interest in blogging at all! Furthermore, I have experienced a very dry spiritual “blah time”. You know, these times when everything seems to be so “normal”, so arduous and boring that you might wonder whether you had known God at all. 🙄
Not that I lost his anointing that teaches us about everything at any time. But what has been lost are the “good feelings” and spiritiual highs which, alas, usually push my self and make me proud. It seems to me more and more that it is a life of mere (“dark”) faith God wants to give us, brothers and sisters. The “big” experiences with God seem to simply serve as proof for ourselves that it was really God who chose us to live with Him in a loving though often difficult relationship, too. God did not primarily choose us to do things FOR him. Instead, we were chosen to live WITH Him in our everyday life and to eventually let Him live THROUGH us, more and more. Whether we are aware of the latter is not important. But He lives through us if we let Him. Others will notice it, however, we won’t perceive it as He protects us from being deceited by our old nature’s pride.
Lately I listened to several old(er) people’s different life stories. They often suffer from not being able to change their life anymore as they are somehow captured in their (bad) circumstances. Some struggle primarily with the frailty of the body, others long for the restauration of enthusiastic emotional experiences, that is, they once again want to feel and experience a great love. But it seems to me, our old nature with its human limitations gets in the way wherever it can. We might long for real life, but what we feel is only “death” at times. Dear reader, have you had similar experiences, too? 🙄
I did not want to write an article that makes you sad, so I thought I could share another part of my own life with you on here. It is not so much about me, but where would I be without my wonderful parents? 🙂 My mom and my dad would come to know each other in school at a time when life was anything but great in Germany. It was in the 1940s as both of their dads had already been taken prisoners of World War II. My mom’s dad was at first in France and then in the States while my dad’s dad had been in Russia. Without their dads there, their moms had to struggle a lot to feed their children. Often times they all were very hungry and had nothing to eat. While my grandmoms would get very skinny as they fed their children first, the kids sometimes went hungry to school, too.
Just today as I had asked my parents’ permission to publish their story, I mentioned that my mom had given her sandwich eaten during recess to my dad. I had always thought that that had been an act of heroism, yet this afternoon my mom began to laugh out loud and said, “No no, that was only banana bread which I detested. I had only asked whether anyone would like to eat it in our class.”
My dad was the only one who wanted to have it, as it would seem. 🙂
To cut a long story shorter, I can tell you that some time went by until my parents met again after school. It was only on a Mardi Gras event as my mom in the guise of a ghost (fully veiled under a white bed sheet with a few holes in the facial area) went toward my dad and talked with him. He did not know who she was but he recognized her voice. “Who are you? I have known your voice…,” he asked but my mom answered, “I won’t tell you.” That was the official beginning of their love relationship …. ❤ ❤
Just next year, Lord willing, they will be married to one another for 60 years. They both are in their eighties and they believe that it was God who helped them through all the difficult times in their lives. They both have had to struggle with more and more diseases over time, but somehow they manage to live their life together, still. My dad has had type 1 diabetes for almost 40 years now, facing its severe consequences after such a long time, and my mom has suffered from dementia for some time in addition to her many physical problems, too. She does not like being so forgetful and needs my dad’s or others’ help often, however, it seems to me that God uses my dad to care for her as she cared for him these many decades before. Often times it is anything but easy and heartbreaking to watch how they struggle, but GOD…..! When I see how they both still care about one another and that one does not want to be without the other, ever, I know that the apostle Paul was right when he said about marriage between a man and a woman, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Eph 5:32 ESV) Just to offer you the whole scriptural context of this verse here, I paste the passage where the apostle Paul dealt with earthly marriage (Eph 5:22-33 ESV – emphasis in italics mine).
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
As much as our bodies and our minds with its ever-increasing deficiencies might point to the end of this earthly life and its struggles, our love for our loved ones will remain forever as God promised (1 Cor 13:1-13 ESV – emphasis in red and in caps was mine)
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 LOVE NEVER ENDS. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
All images by Susanne Schuberth (2017, 2019) and unknown photographers (1961, 1970s)
The story is beautifully written. I think everything happens for a reason even if we can’t see it at the moment.
“[…] it seems to me that God uses my dad to care for her as she cared for him these many decades before.” – Now is his chance to show his true love for her, which will make her happy.
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Thank you so much for sharing this truth with me, my beloved daughter!!! 🤗💕
Indeed, I had this very thought on my mind as well. God uses your grandpa to show His Love through himself, so to say, to her. Even today your grandma told me again how grateful she was for this amazing husband. ❤️
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Dear Susanne, once again with God’s help you have written from your heart and touched mine as well. I thank the Spirit for making a break in this “blah time” we have been experiencing.
Your parents and grand parents living in Germany through WW2 must have been hell. It seems that the people of your country must continue to live that hell each time an exploded bomb or artillery shell is found there in a populated area. Then there is the PTSD from war in so many lives that unexpectedly explodes, affecting so many lives (of which I know well). I was shocked when I found out that American occupation troupes were still in Germany right up until the 90’s. I can only imagine what that is like.
Your article was all about God’s love. I know that it must be a miracle for Germans to love Americans or Russians, yet I have never felt any disdain from you or your people. You shared with me what your mother said when you told her a little about me and my past war related experiences. Her kindness in her reply to you really touched my heart and made me feel as part of your family. Yes, LOVE is a miracle from God. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things… the greatest of these is love.”
Those are some great pictures of your parents and they show their enduring love. Thank you and yours for all the love you have shown me over the last six years since we first met. ❤ 🙂
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I am glad to hear that your heart has been touched, Michael. ❤ I am not sure whether this “blah time” is really over as it was only a short period today as I was feeling His inspiration, Actually, I rather wanted to take a break at that time as I needed some rest due to a lot of busy and exhausting days lately. But the inspiration got such a strong grip on my heart and mind that I called my parents, asking them if they minded me writing about them by using a few pictures of them as well.
I imagine it was hell for them back then in WWII. And as they get older and older, my parents’ childhood experiences, esp. my mom’s, seem to get more and more alive as well. But due to dementia, my mom sometimes remembers the good or even funny experiences more than the bad ones. So this disease has a positive aspect, too. As for finding bombs underground on constructions sites, in fact, we have almost got used to it in the Nürnberg area. Just last week Sarah told us about another bomb in the Regensburg area where she worked then where another bomb was found. Yes, the big cities in Germany seem to have been rebuild on some highly explosive fundament.
My family had never shown or uttered any disdain for Americans, but sometimes the closeness of the Russian people caused the Germans to fear these. Many German girls and women were raped in WWII, esp. by Russian soldiers, when their husbands were not here. So, that’s why… But my dad remembers the Americans as the first to give him chewing gum and candy as they were so poor and had nothing back then. He learned his first English words from them also, so he always loved Americans. 🙂
I am happy you were touched by my mom’s response as she said you had to be a wonderful man as you went through so many bad things in the Vietnam War. And still, you are the way you are now, you came out the other side eventually as whole, my dear brother. God’s healing power is a tremendous thing, even if we often do not experience it on the physical level. But God healed your soul, Michael!
Thanks for your encouraging words as to this post and as for the pictures of my parents. You are welcome to everything I/we can give.
You are loved, my friend! ❤ 🙂
Susanne
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Thanks a bunch for the reblog, Michael! 🙂
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A beautiful and moving post, Susanne. Well worth the wait. 🙂 I love the term you use: dark faith. I will have to remember that.
I, too, have known the wilderness. As we grow older, it can seem that God has left us to our own devices. We gradually lose loved ones. Our health begins to fail and we grow increasingly frail. God has not, of course, abandoned us. Rather, we are given the chance to focus ever more closely on Him, as the things of this life fade.
It is immensely reassuring to know that we will see our loved ones again in heaven. Death, distance, and time will no longer separate us from them. There will be no more worries, no more illness, no more weakness, no more pain. Best of all, our joy of the Lord will be full and our tendency to sin removed.
Much love,
Your friend Anna ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thank you very much for the encouragement, dear Anna! 🙂
Dark faith means for me believing without seeing why I do what I do because it’s too “dark”, but trusting God to lead me, though. It is so true we gradually lose loved ones. One of my my aunts who lives alone turned 93 in August. No one seems to be left of her age there now. I imagine that this is anything but fun to experience…. 😦 unless God comforts us…
Longing for heaven like you, my friend Anna! ❤ ❤ ❤
Susanne
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Susanne and Anna, your discussion about “dark faith” reminded me of this verse that the Spirit gave to me during one of my dark times in the past…
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant, who walks in darkness and has no light, yet trusts in the name of the Lord and relies upon his God? (Isa 50:10, NRS)
Like Anna, shared, dry spells and darkness makes our roots go deep and seek out His living water.
The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness— on them light has shined. (Isa 9:2, NRS)
Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. (Mic 7:8, NRS)
❤
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Very good contribution, Michael! ⭐
These Scriptures are very helpful for me just now! Thank you!! ❤
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Here’s the link to Anna Waldherr’s great blog about these ‘dry spells’ Michael mentioned. We all experience these wilderness periods when we have walked with the Lord for a long time.
https://alawyersprayers.com/2019/10/06/dry-spells/
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Hi dear German friend! Long time no see!
It’s been a blah time here in Buenos Aires too, but during the last months the Lord brought an experience which stirred me up from my slumber and made me rejoice once again in God’s faithful care in the midst of shocking life circumstances. In a few words, I had to undergo surgery in my womb because what would have been our third child turned out to be non-embrionic and potentially cancerous tissue. But God’s hand was in it all along and he not only provided a great doctor, but also sped things up to minimize any health risks and bring back my peace of mind. Now it’s regular check-ups but it seems surgery was successful. For extra awareness of what I’ve been saved from, I just found out a former boss of mine whom I dearly love is terminally ill from cancer and doctors have already moved on to palliative care because treatments have not worked.
I can tell you, when you’re face to face with death, your perspective changes a lot! God has been showing me that a lot of my apathy and discouragement has its roots in bitterness and unbelief. So it was definitely not dark faith in my case. 😦
I do agree, though, that we can’t spend our Christian lives in one emotional high after the other, because faith is definitely not about emotions. But as humans I think we need wow moments from time to time, where God shows up and lets us see a bit of His awesome glory. Sometimes we need to feel Him, even if for one tiny second, because that second when we’re embraced by Him can make the world of a difference after a very long time of fighting against the unbelieving thoughts that come to attack us during those dark faith moments.
I’m thankful for His restoring and loving hands which always lead this serial backslider back to His presence. And my backslidings have been sort of like Psalm 139, where David proclaims, If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
Even in those very dark moments, I never completely lost the sense of God being there, so it’s not the darkness of those who have never experienced God in their lives. So, well, it could be dark faith mixed with poisonous doubts and unbelief, if you know what I mean. I mean those moments would be so much easier (though never pleasant) if we could still the voices that question God’s wisdom in what He’s allowing us to go through. We need to press on, my dear friends.
BTW, Michael, I loved your quotes about light and dark. Non-coincidentally, I’ve been pondering this very topic these days.
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Long time, no see, indeed, Carina! ❤
What a horror you have been through, oh my…!!! 😦 But I am relieved to hear that God brought you safely through it all! Also, I just prayed for your former boss. As we cannot know God’s plan with our lives nor the means He uses to bring us to a place of utter dependence on Him, we do not know why some people are healed and others are not. But what we may know is that His will is to save everyone (1 Tim 2:4).
Yes, dark faith is surely not comparable with not knowing God at all as in the latter case there is no hope (yet). But spiritual wow moments from time to time are welcome, no doubt about this! 🙂
May He keep you and protect you and yours, my dear sister! ❤
Your friend,
Susanne
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Carina, it is good to hear that our Lord is seeing you through even your dark times to show you that light and darkness are the same to Him. I have needed this reminder once again. When we belong to Him He is there whether we are going through spiritual darkness or being blessed by His Light. It is an interesting study how many times God cloaked Himself in darkness when dealing with those who are His including His own Son.
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff— they comfort me.” (Ps 23:4, NRS)
Now THAT is dark faith! Thanks to you and Susanne for this exchange.
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You are welcome, Michael!
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I have little to add here, except to say I am blessed. Thank you, Susanne, Michael, and Anna, for being faithful.
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You are very welcome, dear Louise. ❤
I was happy to hear you were blessed! 🙂
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Reblogged this on idahodimple.
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I feel honored that you reblogged this post on your own blog, Louise. Thank you! 🙂
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Gracias Susan por tan bella publicación.
Doy gracias a Dios por tu vida y por la vida de Michael, Dios siempre tiene algo que decirme a través de ustedes.
Han sido días duros para mí en cuanto a la salud, pero el Señor ha sido fiel y me ha dado tiempos de refrigerio en estos días. He descubierto el infinito amor del Señor a través de muchas cosas bonitas que me han sucedido últimamente. He descubierto cómo Dios escucha las oraciones más sencillas y sutiles de nuestro corazón, cosas que nadie más conoce y que solo Él las sabe, salen a la luz para traernos la evidencia de la grandeza de Dios en todos los asuntos de la vida, por muy pequeños que sean. Dios me ha sorprendido de formas tan especiales en estos días, que me muestran una vez más Su infinita misericordia, con un ser como yo que no merece nada de Él.
Un abrazo a los dos, los amo en el amor infinito de Cristo.
Patricia
Patricia wrote,
“Thank you Susan for such a beautiful post.
I thank God for your life and for Michael’s life, God always has something to tell me through you.
It has been hard days for me in terms of health, but the Lord has been faithful and has given me refreshment times these days. I have discovered the infinite love of the Lord through many beautiful things that have happened to me lately. I have discovered how God hears the simplest and subtle prayers of our heart, things that no one else knows and that only He knows, come to light to bring us evidence of God’s greatness in all matters of life, however small they may be. God has surprised me in such special ways these days, that they show me once again His infinite mercy, with a being like me who deserves nothing from Him.
A hug to both of you, I love you in the infinite love of Christ.
Patricia”
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¡De nada, Patricia! ❤ ¡Gracias por tus palabras de aliento! Me alegra leer que escuchas a Dios a través de mis escritos y los de Michael.
Lo siento mucho que hayas sufrido mucho, querida hermana. 😦 Me parece que Dios nos da las mejores experiencias cuando nuestra alma está preocupada por las malas circunstancias o nuestro cuerpo no está bien.
Que Dios siga bendiciéndote y que también proteja tu cuerpo y tu alma.
Un abrazo gigante para ti! XOXOXOXO
¡Yo también te quiero! ❤
Tu hermana en Cristo por siempre,
Susanne
I wrote,
“You are most welcome, Patricia! ❤ Thank you for your encouraging words!! I am happy to read that you hear God through Michael’s and my writings.
I am very sorry you have had to suffer a lot, my dear sister. 😦 It seems to me that God gives us the best experiences when either our soul is worried by bad circumstances or our body is not doing well.
May God keep blessing you and may he protect your body and soul, too.
A giant hug to you! XOXOXOXO
I love you, too! ❤
Your sister in Christ forever,
Susanne”
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Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving, Susanne! ❤ ❤ ❤
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Thank you, Anna! 🙂 Same to you! ❤ ❤ ❤
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