Susanne Schuberth’s Spiritual Diary (Part 5) – “Beholding Him”

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encouragement, eros, experience, God's love, intimacy, Jesus Christ, joy, knowing God, light, Longing for God, my journal, peace, prayer, the fear of God, the promised land, walking by the spirit

Photo by Susanne Schuberth

I just decided to translate, edit, and publish another part of my spiritual diary in which I described my everyday experiences with God in the Spirit about seven years ago. The following excerpt can be read in direct succession of Susanne Schuberth’s Spiritual Diary (Part 4) – “A Dream Come True…” Below you will find my try of describing these seemingly contradictory experiences of the love and the fear of God, affecting and smiting you at the same time. If that is not confusing to a human being, I don’t know…

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Susanne Schuberth’s Spiritual Diary (Part 4) – “A Dream Come True…”

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anxiety, church, depression, dreams, experience, family, fears, fellowship, freedom, interpretation, John of the Cross, joy, Michael Clark, my journal, prayer, suicide, the dark night of the spirit, visions

“GRACE behind the fence…” (number five represents GRACE)
Photo by Susanne Schuberth

Well, seven years ago, as I was still all alone in my walk with Daddy and Jesus, I was plagued by several fears. At that time, it was not that clear to me what the root of these fears was. As I know today, it was the fear of death, not of my own death since I had a wonderful NDE (near death experience) in 1998, but of losing my loved ones (parents, daughter, husband… you get the picture). After having already lost our only son through a miscarriage in 2009, these fears kept coming back much stronger than before, again and again. I have been pretty anxious all my life, however, during the Dark Night of the Spirit (see John of the Cross’ same-titled book) that began in 2010, it got worse and worse, i.e., God began to open the deep recesses of my heart so that I could both see AND feel these fears – extremely!!!

God’s humorous guidance

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authority, discerning the spirits, dreams, experience, fear of the Lord, feeling, God's guidance, God's love, God's voice, inspiration, Jesus Christ, joy, Martin Luther, Michael Clark, pain, prayer, rest, resurrection, spiritual power, suffering, visions

What a nice surprise…
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth)

Well, basically, I had a day full of back pains and toothaches, but at the end of that day I dare say, “It was a pretty good day, though…” Originally I wanted to go to bed earlier than usual and I told my family about it one hour ago. As I thought about what to do in the following half hour before going to bed, I would ask God if He had any ideas or what HE wanted to do. At first I reflected on reading a bit… or on making a Sudoku puzzle… or not… however, I began with tidying up our flat as Jesus answered my question. “I want to spend time with you!” Wow! That came across pretty forcefully, even passionately. I immediately knew our Lord had spoken and my heart began to flutter in joyful anticipation.

Awakened to a New Life… IN Christ

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awakened, being born again, darkness, discerning the spirits, encouragement, eternal life, exhortation, experience, experiencing eternal life, fellowship, Fellowship with God, God's love, Jesus Christ, light, Oneness, Paul Schuberth, Satan, sin, T.A. Sparks, the new self, the old self

“Bring me a worm that can comprehend a man, and then I will show you a man that can comprehend the Triune God.” – John Wesley
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth)

This is not a new post. I put this article as a featured blog entry before all others on my home page since after rereading, I just found out that this writing expresses now, more than one year later, a lot of what I have been going through since then. As for publishing new and inspired blog posts, I will have to wait for Him to inspire me once again in the days ahead, whenever that may be. 😉

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Lately I began to wonder when this seemingly endless process of dying to self finally would be over. To be completely honest with you, I had given up any hope of ever seeing His light again, just as the apostle Paul said here, “… we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” (2 Cor 1:8-9 ESV) Just now as I checked the context of these verses, I saw some encouragement I unintentionally had ignored before. Paul wrote there,

The Way of the Church is a Dead-End Street

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being born again, experience, God's Humor, humor, inspiration, joy, light, spiritual, the new self

Kirchenweg (“Church Way”) in Oberfürberg/Bavaria
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth)

If I jotted down everything I experienced with God lately, it would turn out an overwhelmingly lengthy post. And I do not want my readers to be bored stiff. So, I hope God helps me to put it as briefly as possible and as detailed as necessary. And maybe, I can raise a smile or two from my readers because of my crazy experiences with God.