For about 20 hours we have had stormy weather here in Germany, a weather I normally do like. I always loved to be at the seaside, for instance, where I tried to walk or even bike against the stormy wind. Not so today. This spring and summer I planted more than 70 pots on our two balconies and so today I have been watching my beautiful plants partly being destroyed without me being able to do more than trying to fix them with cords, gathering broken branchlets, blossoms and (still) green tomatoes. As I came home from my weekly “big shopping” this afternoon, I saw that the mess had got worse and worse. Whatever I would try to improve the situation for the plants in the following hours, I saw it made no real sense. Eventually, I found myself wearily sitting on my bed where I tried to pray. Very sad, not really mad at God because of the storm, but disappointed…..and feeling completely helpless. Although I tried to reason and comfort myself with saying, “These are only plants…,” I could not get rid of the sadness. Prayer did not help, either.
The following Scripture both refers to the believer who faces physical death as it refers to the one who was chosen by God to walk through that same valley while He is still alive on earth.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” (Ps 23:4 KJV)
Jesus confirmed those two different possibilities of dying when He answered Martha,
“I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (Jn 11:25-26 ESV)
Although I am aware of the fact that most expositions on the latter verse where Jesus mentioned the one who lived believing in Him that should never die point to the second death (which is eternal), I believe that Jesus also pointed out the possiblity to enter His kingdom while still living in this world.
I have just been pondering on why I don’t want to abandon my prayer habits for a longer time.
Admittedly, there are days when I have no strength to seek Him. Since I have been chronically ill for almost all my life, there are times when I am so weak that I need Him to (first) meet me through prayer. Nonetheless, today I have been wondering what might be the reasons that make me keep searching for always more of Him.
As I awoke with a headache, feeling nauseated, with abdominal cramps and fatigued [all symptoms are more or less chronic], my first thought was,
“My God, I need You!!!”