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Keeping a close eye on all different thoughts and impulses that come from the inside, I have been realizing that those things that I do not want to accept in me still make me feel like a prisoner and somehow urge me to project them on others in whom I (seem to) see what I hate to see in myself.
By nature I am a woman who wants to live in harmony with everyone – that’s my people pleaser problem. Although I have come to know that this pious hope actually is a pious fraud, I was afflicted recently by my old habit of trying to satisfy several people whose expectations on me could not have been more contradictory than they were and it would have needed about 48 hours a day of dealing with them.
Briefly, I was pooling all my human forces in order to reconcile what cannot be reconciled – by Susanne alone. Maybe, I was trying to do God’s job of making the impossible possible. Thank God, I failed. However, the lesson was painful, though…