Endurance… despite it all

Tags

authority, discerning the spirits, dying to self, exhortation, experience, faith, glory, John of the Cross, resurrection power, self-will power, spiritual power, suffering, surrender, T.A. Sparks, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit

Germany’s highest church: Wendelstein Church/Upper Bavaria
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth 2017)

I recall that someone once told me that they would continue to write and publish when they were through with their trials and everything was clearer to them. Well, as much as I have been tempted to share this point of view, more and more it appears to me that there ist no end of trials in this life, or is it? Sometimes God keeps us covered by His both unseen and unfelt protection in a deeply dark condition where all good things seem to have come to their very end. The stage of testing where mere and naked faith in God puts us through may last for a few days, for some weeks, for several months or even for many, many years. The length of that period is dependent on what God has in mind regarding our personal spiritual growth. It was John of the Cross who realized that the deeper the night, the higher the glory and divine authority we will be able to share afterwards (whenever afterwards is experienced).

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Leaving the Security of the Shore Behind or… Following HIM Wherever HE Goes

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dying to self, experience, faith, following Jesus, God's love, Jesus Christ, rest, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit

Gstad/Chiemsee (Upper Bavaria)

Having not much to say at the moment, I decided once again to simply publish some of my pictures and Scriptures in the hope that they might communicate that which I cannot share currently [Note: If you click on a pic, you will see it full screen].

A Hard Lesson to Learn

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circumcision of the heart, darkness, dying to self, experience, Fellowship of His Sufferings, following Jesus, God's love, joy, Morning Star, pain, Sickness, suffering, T.A. Sparks, the dark night of the soul, the mind of Christ

Wendelstein/Upper Bavaria
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth 2017)

This will be a rather short blog post since I am not doing that well at the moment. What I have done recently was that I was complaining continually before God, lamenting that He seemingly did not care about me. Sometimes you have one trial, sometimes two trials at the same time, but this time the number of my afflictions has increased almost every day. Although I would remember having had good experiences with God in the past as well, I was not sure whether God’s love was still real for me, having been cut off from His presence for quite some time now.

Life IN Christ… or the cost of discipleship

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discipleship, Dorothy L. Sayers, dying to self, experience, faith, following Jesus, freedom, God, Jesus Christ, Martin Luther, T.A. Sparks, the cross, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit, the Kingdom of God, thought life

“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.” (Mt 19:29 ESV) – Picture by Susanne Schuberth

As I thought about describing the difference between our life inside and outside of God, I thought I could share my own experiences with you on here. Just for clarification, I do not speak about the experience of Christ IN us, that is, about feeling his love, joy and peace merely from the inside. Rather, I refer to a life IN God and His kingdom as a completely new experience that approaches us from the outside by simultaneously filling us up from the inside, too. Sounds complicated, doesn’t it…? We might have received some foretaste of such a life beforehand when we all of a sudden were hit by an awareness of ‘I-do-not-know-what-it-is… but-it-is-wonderful’ as we were watching the sun rise or going down, when we saw nature unfolding its beauty in springtime or fall, or when we shared some self-forgetfulness of any kind, be that with children who played peacefully in a sort of innocence that could almost be “touched” or when we felt a very deep and unconditional love for someone who had treated us badly.

Under the shadow of His wings

Tags

Becky Johnson, darkness, dying to self, exhortation, experience, light, Oswald Chambers, pain, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit, the new self, the old self

Our God is a consuming FIRE
(Photo credits http://eskipaper.com/awesome-volcano-wallpaper.html#gal_post_29139_awesome-volcano-wallpaper-1.jpg)

I have been struggling a lot with dying-to-self pains lately. For those who wonder how that might feel, it is as if your inmost being (mainly heart and belly region) is getting burned after one or more flashes of lightning had struck you. Whenever God fills me surprisingly with His light, it often occurs as flashes of bright light I can see moving very swiftly from head to toe through my whole body. And a few hours later, the pain begins. Just lately I have begun to sense an increasing fire in my bones that causes both intense pains for the old self, just as the new self is irresistibly drawn toward the Eternal God, away from all that is created. Although it is extremely painful to lose all those natural attachments to which we might have been used for decades, there is an invisible power and an indescribable love that surpasses all understanding. However, it cannot be felt with our natural senses at all and before we get there, we must die to everything which once caused those fears that were related to our loved ones who we naturally love with a love that is common to all human beings. Also, nostalgic feelings regarding past events die away gradually. In fact, everything that had a deep connection to our old Adam nature and his heart is being stripped off. That hurts as if countless sharp knives were enucleating the heart until nothing is left of the old self. But instead of continuing to complain or lament on here, I copy and paste a quote which Becky Johnson recently made me aware of.

If I cannot have YOU…

Tags

dying to self, experience, faith, struggling with God, suffering, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit, the new self, the old self, the presence of God

Source http://utmost.org/where-the-battle-is-won-or-lost/

Instead of writing another long blog post of my own, I decided to share Oswald Chambers’ devotional from today which describes my current struggles perfectly. Actually, I see more and more clearly that I cannot count on anyone or anything in this world any longer. When the circumstances get tough and you see that you have no influence to change anything whatsoever and that your prayers are not answered, somehow, it seems you have lost the game. Trying to change myself did not work, trying to change my circumstances did not really work, either, and having lost connection and direction from God for quite some time now, made me despair of life itself. Today I had to admit that if I cannot have God, I do not want anything else. Whether it is our families, our careers, our internet presence, our fame and riches (or lack thereof), nothing compares to a continued life in the presence of God. And if He won’t give it to me, then that was it.
Finally, here is the devotional I announced above.

Awe-struck with the Fear of God leaves no room for diplomacy

Tags

discerning the spirits, exhortation, experience, fire, following Jesus, God's love, T.A. Sparks, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit, the fear of God

Well, our God is full of surprises. Almost only vegetating, captured in the dark night of the Spirit for a seemingly endless time, I had become used to only see my countless weaknesses, my failures, and my utter inability to bring forth anything which is good in God’s sight. Although I never felt condemned by what I saw inside me, I really longed to get rid of that old self which hindered me to do what God and I (!) really wanted to do (cf. Romans 7). Furthermore, satanic attacks day and night made sleep an almost impossible thing to do. My frail health and the conviction that I was in a worse spiritual condition as I had been before I would come to know Jesus in 1995 made me hate my old life. Somehow it dawned on me that there is no REAL life apart from being allowed to live in God’s permanent peaceful presence. Everything else is hell! Whatever I tried to get back to Him, it did not work any longer. My prayers resembled helpless cries for help and left me empty as if I had been talking with a dead wall instead of with the living God. It really felt as if God had abandoned me in a dark and frightening cellar, left without the hope to ever return to Him whom I once knew and loved. I recalled dimly that I had experienced several times of spiritual highs in the past that made me share the fear of God and Christ’s authority in me. However, I still had to deal with so many triggers because of deep wounds and fears inside my soul so that God had to take me through that “acid cure” where all that which is not of Him must eventually die.

How God meets man… or what does it mean to be IN Christ?

Tags

being born again, darkness, experience, God's love, joy, light, living water, pain, the dark night of the soul, The Holy Spirit, the new self, the old self, the promised land

The River of No Return…
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth)

I just had an interesting picture on my mind. Imagine all people in this world initially walk through barren and desolate land for the most part of their lifetime. But sometimes some of them suddenly see an oasis before their eyes. They can hardly believe that they now can leave the wilderness they were in for a very long time and sparks of hope begin to take root inside their hearts. However, alas, as they come closer and closer, they realize that what they had seen within their reach seemed to be only a Fata Morgana since it was gone as soon as they wanted to take possession of it. Grievously disappointed and discouraged they find themselves forced to continue on their journey through the desert, but they cannot forget the beauty of the place they would see before being able to arrive there.

Can we see God in this life already?

Tags

Baptism in the Holy Spirit, being born again, experience, eyes of the heart, faith, glory, Holy Spirit, John of the Cross, Martha Jesus, presence of God, seeing God, the dark night of the senses, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit, the new self, the old self, the promised land

SEEING GOD means a shift in perspective… 😉
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth)

It seems to me that there are at least five different stages of perceiving the presence of God. Our perception, or even sight of Him, increases and improves when we have reached the next stage. All happens by the grace o God, of course. What I did not include here are dreams and visions which are something that can happen anytime whether we find our selves in stage 1, 2, 3, or 4. However, they are not as important as being led by God continuously. In fact, from my own experience I know that an immense amount of dreams and visions have their origin in the dark realm of Satan who loves to appear as the Angel of Light. Stage 5, finally, is the fully enlightened and perfected saint who can see God directly and does not need dreams or visions any longer (regarding dreams and visions I was just paraphrasing John of the Cross). Here is my biblical approach on these five various, progressively blessed conditions of heart, mind, and soul.

Can God Heal?

Tags

A.W. Tozer, being born again, Carl Gustav Jung, darkness, following Jesus, John of the Cross, light, psychology, spiritual power, the cross, the dark night of the senses, the dark night of the soul, the dark night of the spirit, the narrow way, the strait gate

Crooked trees after being pruned… not that beautiful yet 😉
(Photo by Susanne Schuberth)

Now this is a silly question, Susanne! Through the whole Bible we find witnesses who were healed by God, especially in the New Testament. “Yes… but today?” Having been tortured by many sicknesses all my life, my faith in being healed by God is not the strongest, as I need to honestly admit. However, I have had a few healing experiences during the last year which caused my mustard seed faith to increase a bit. 😉
Apropos Bible, I was just thinking of the situation where Jesus healed a certain woman who had been sick for a very long time. Let’s take a closer look at that special event.