Instead of writing another long blog post of my own, I decided to share Oswald Chambers’ devotional from today which describes my current struggles perfectly. Actually, I see more and more clearly that I cannot count on anyone or anything in this world any longer. When the circumstances get tough and you see that you have no influence to change anything whatsoever and that your prayers are not answered, somehow, it seems you have lost the game. Trying to change myself did not work, trying to change my circumstances did not really work, either, and having lost connection and direction from God for quite some time now, made me despair of life itself. Today I had to admit that if I cannot have God, I do not want anything else. Whether it is our families, our careers, our internet presence, our fame and riches (or lack thereof), nothing compares to a continued life in the presence of God. And if He won’t give it to me, then that was it.
Finally, here is the devotional I announced above.