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discerning the spirits, exhortation, experience, flattery, following Jesus, Jesus Christ, knowing God, Michael Clark, people pleaser, Satan, the new self, the old self, truth

Jesus cleanses the temple…
(Source http://thinktheology.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Jesus_temple.jpg)
Wikipedia offers the following description of a nice guy. It reads,
“A nice guy is an informal term for a teenage or adult male who is gentle, compassionate, sensitive and/or vulnerable.[1] The term is used both positively and negatively.[2] When used positively, and particularly when used as a self-descriptor, it is intended to imply a male who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, tries to stay out of trouble, and generally acts nicely towards others.[3] In the context of a relationship, it may also refer to traits of honesty, loyalty, romanticism, courtesy and respect. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive, does not express his true feelings…”
As for the first sentence, I think we would all agree on this. Jesus described Himself as being “gentle and lowly in heart” (Mt 11:29 ESV). However, we might begin to stumble when we think of our Lord as someone who avoided confrontations and tried to stay out of trouble. I believe quite the opposite was true. Just think about the occasion where Jesus healed the demon possessed man who had been naked and had lived in a cemetery of sorts for a very long time (cf. Lk 8:26-39). After Jesus had permitted those demons to enter the pigs instead, the owners of the “suicidal” swine did not want to see Jesus there any longer.
And what about Jesus’ honesty? Of course, He was always honest because He was without sin! However, does honesty hurt at times? Oh, yes, it does! Yet the truth must hurt us sometimes, even deeply, so that we see we need to be changed into the image of Christ. We cannot stay as we are and continue in our old carnal ways if we want to ever enter by the narrow gate. The narrow gate is narrow because our old self is too “fat” to get in there. It must have died before we can enter with the humble mind of Christ.
What do we know about Jesus’ loyalty? No one was more loyal than Jesus was, that is for sure, but He was first and foremost loyal toward God, not toward man, not even regarding his own family. His family did not consist of those who were his relatives after the flesh unless they did the will of His father in heaven (see Mt 12:49-50). Here we have the big difference between the nice guy and Jesus Christ. Our Lord is THE TRUTH and we can trust in Him to have always told the truth to everyone, though in love.
As for me regarding my natural old self, I have always been the “nice girl”, the people pleaser who never wanted to offend anyone. How so? I behaved that way in order to be loved myself by everyone, something which, of course, never worked. Nonetheless, I tried and tried… and I failed and failed, that is, I was never loved by everyone whatever I had tried to change that. Tcha, what a misery! 😦 Thinking about our Lord once again, at times it seemed He was loved by the whole people since they got from Him what they had longed for and needed (forgiveness of sins, healing of their sicknesses, freedom from their demons etc. pp.). They rejoiced, “Hallelujah, what a wonderful God!” But alas, as He did not give them always what they wanted – namely He refused to become a Jewish king who ruled over them and freed them from the cruel Roman Empire – the same people who had seemingly loved Him, wanted to see Him dead on the cross. Why so? Because our Lord and God refused to serve their old selves; instead He wanted to free them from their old nature to which they could only die by believing in Him and receiving His Spirit later. Actually, Jesus was anything but a people pleaser. Here are only a few examples.
“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” (Mt 7:6 ESV)
“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Mt 7:11 ESV)
And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and was crying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely oppressed by a demon.” But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, “Send her away, for she is crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But she came and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, help me.” And he answered, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” (Mt 15:22-26 ESV)
From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” (Mt 16:21-23 ESV)
Well, our Lord compared human beings with dogs and pigs. He knew what was in their hearts and therefore He called them evil. How seemingly unfriendly to call one of his best friends ‘Satan’ at that. Have you ever thought how embarrassed and humiliated Peter might have felt afterwards? Before he had received such a great revelation about Jesus being the Messiah and then THIS happened. My dear brothers and sisters, the Lord I have come to know over the years has dealt the same way with me. I cannot count how often He challenged and provoked me in order to make the dark spots inside me seen by myself too. Although He has always loved me, He did not caress me during those times when He wanted to change another ugly habit He hated to see because it belonged to my old nature. And that also refers to people pleasing. If we hope we can be best friends forever with every Christian although we do not listen to the same Lord – there is only ONE who makes us of one heart and mind – then we have stopped listening to the voice of the ONE who called us. Most certainly, the first Christians were not persecuted because they had been so nice. Instead, they were a living offense to those who had decided to hold on to their (godless) religious views without having a true relationship with our Father through Jesus Christ.
The path we are on is very narrow. The longer we have walked on it and the more we have come to know our Lord and God, the less people will be by our side. Not that long ago, this evening to be precise, Michael Clark in one of his last comments on my latest blog post inspired me by pasting a particular Scripture. Here is the whole reference of which I think it clarifies what I have just stated in this last paragraph.
He shall seduce with flattery those who violate the covenant, but the people who know their God shall stand firm and take action. And the wise among the people shall make many understand, though for some days they shall stumble by sword and flame, by captivity and plunder. When they stumble, they shall receive a little help. And many shall join themselves to them with flattery, and some of the wise shall stumble, so that they may be refined, purified, and made white, until the time of the end, for it still awaits the appointed time. (Dan 11:32-35 ESV)
If we deal with one another, dear brothers and sisters, it is not about flattery. It is primarily about honesty, and about speaking the truth in love. Always loving, yes, but the truth hurts at times as I said above. May our Lord and God guide us to speak the truth in love. Always. Amen.
It’s a real pain being a (recovering) people pleaser. Trying to find “just the right words” to share an uncomfortable truth with someone has the potential to negate the truth. Trying to deliver bad news while at the same time trying to manage the reaction of the person(s) I’m talking to, can leave the person doubly angry; anger over what I have to say, AND anger at my attempt to manipulate their reaction. The Lord put a friend in my life some years ago, who was bold enough to tell me after one such experience “I feel handled (managed)” for which I had to apologize.
When I was a kid, I came home with scraped up knees several times and mom had to clean and bandage them. She’d set me on the bathroom counter, pry my hands off of my knee and scrub out the wound with a washcloth, hot water and soap. Then came the IODINE and I’d start squealing before the applicator ever touched my wound. Well of course it all hurt like the dickens and I’d direct my whimpering objections at mom while she did her work. And the “kiss” which she said would make it feel better, never really did. But I never doubted that she loved me, especially those few times that she cried with me while patching up my wounds.
I think the lesson in that is it’s best to simply jump in and attack the problem – or “rip off the bandage”, so to speak. If mom had of approached my wounded knees in the same way I tried to dance my way through presenting an uncomfortable truth to someone, I’d have bled to death while sitting on the bathroom counter. 😉
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Dear Jack,
It really seemed to me you were describing my own experiences, both as for trying to manipulate ppl’s reactions and as to the “IODINE story”. Oh boy, I loved reading your response! Thank you very much for commenting, my brother. 🙂
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Susanne, thank you for the post. I appreciate getting to read it. Father, help us to die, in Jesus name, amen.
In His love,
Pat Orr
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You’re very welcome, dear Pat.
Amen to your prayer, dear sister. ❤
In His great LOVE for you,
Susanne
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Susanne, The gospel that Jesus lived and preached was not the words of a “nice guy.” He, like His Father, was not one who respected people’s persons. On one occasion He was kind to a widow and on another occasion He was very insulting to one. He commended Peter for hearing the voice of the Father and then called him down for listening to and speaking for the devil. He was kind to a Roman tax collector and went home and ate with him and then he told those who collected the temple tax that they were a den of thieves and drove the point home with a whip as He drove them out. Flattery was something He was not capable of for He knew what lies in the hearts of men. “Who do you call good? None is good but my Father who is in heaven.” He had only one cure for mankind, death of that old self-seeking adamic nature and a baptism of the Holy Spirit and His cleansing fire.
And what were the requirements that Jesus laid down to be His disciples? Let’s let them speak for themselves…
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:34-39, nrs)
This is not the kind of sermon that gets big offerings and fills the pews in today’s mega-churches, is it? Yet, He has been showing Susanne and I that these are the very choices He is requiring of us! To please our families, friends and even well meaning Christians who are not yielded to the Spirit of God, instead of following His voice, will most often bring us under the power of the devil instead of making us one with our Father.
God the Father also has one goal for those who would come to Him, that they would die to self and rise in newness of life in Christ and be conformed to the image of His Son. Anything less is just so much dead religion.
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Yes and amen to all you said, Michael. Excellent! ⭐ Thanks!!
I want to mention here too that you and I conversed about these things regarding Jesus’ way of dealing with people quite often and thus this article has been inspired by our mutual deliberations as well. Thank you, my dear brother! 🙂
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One thing I am growing to like about my fellowship with you is that I can always count on hearing what our Father is showing you about my own weaknesses as well as what I am doing right. Hopefully that is working both directions as we speak the truth in His love even though it often hurts. 🐻
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Yes, Michael, it has always been working in both directions. No pain, no gain. Or in other words, we will never be able to explore the depths of Christ’s love and mystery unless we have suffered with Him before. It is painful, but it is all worth it, I believe. I do not regret anything I had to go through. Okay, okay, I can say this NOW, after all. However, in the midst of another trial, it always looks much differently.
You are a blessing to me, my brother! 🙂
Love ❤
Susanne 🐱
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Amen, Susanne! I love this. There’s an internet joke floating around that says, “the next time someone asks you ‘what would Jesus do,’ remind them that throwing over tables and chasing people around with a whip is not beyond the realm of possibilities.” 😉
I am really familiar with the “good girl, people pleasing” syndrome. God really yanked me out of my comfort zone and taught me that that is actually a sin. We either seek His favor or we seek people’s favor. We can’t serve two masters. To seek people’s approval keeps us in a state of fear, responding and reacting to them, rather then hearing and following His voice. Also, it makes us miserable, as you pointed out. Sometimes my powers of discernment were not very good either, so the loving and kind thing to do would have been to say “no,” but I wanted to make them happy.
I really like how you’ve taken on the “nice guy” issue. That is a challenging thing to describe, because our modern day definitions of masculinity and femininity are a bit mixed up. I’m married to a nice guy, he is definitely “gentle and lowly in heart,” but that is not the same thing as subservient or passive or a pushover. Not even close, I think he’s the stubbornest man on the planet, but very kind to us. 😉
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Thank you, Gabrielle.
Indeed, the people pleaser syndrome is sin as soon as we refuse to listen to God’s leading and try to please other people instead. What a prison I found myself in and what a freedom to get more and more out of it!
As for the nice guy hubby syndrome, 😉 I think that being nice can be a natural inclination of a personality and that behavior is still part of the carnal nature. We must get rid of these things ourselves by killing them inside us through the power of His Spirit. Be it far from us to try to change our spouses instead. That is God’s job, isn’t it…
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Excellent post! Due to our contextual differences that the English language has created with the Scriptures.. As you have captured beautifully, we are to “be ye kind one to another…”. Well, kind and “nice” are technically opposites.. Jesus was kind obviously, whereas being nice institutes flattery and the likes of cohersion and manipulation.. Thanks again for the post and devotion to Christ
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Thank you so much for your encouraging comment, TJ.
You’re very welcome as to the post. Regarding my devotion to Him, it was completely His doing to draw me closer and closer toward Himself, without me even realizing it. 😉
I am glad you mentioned the difference between kind and nice. Indeed, I never thought about that before, but I immediately saw that you were right on with that. Thank you!
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Thank you. And no means to hijack your post but another great example of Christ’s kindness is reiterated in 2 Tim 2:24-26
24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.
In Ephesians 4:32 the word “kind” comes from the Greek word chrestos and means “to employ” and be useful and give what is needed as in Phil 4:19
The word “nice” is French nisce and comes from neo(no) scire(knowledge or science)..so nice technically means to be ignorant or to have no knowledge.
I have a “teaching” on this breakdown difference that I think I posted a while back, I’ll try to locate that..
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That Scripture truly fits. TJ. I particularly like “in humility correcting those who are in opposition.”
I am glad to hear that kindness means to give others what they really need in God’s view (not what they want according to their old nature, that is). Coming to know this has helped me a lot. Thank you for sharing it with me, TJ. 😉
As for the origin of the word nice, I admit I am not yet convinced here. I studied both French and Latin in the past, and as far I know there is a famous city in France, located at the Mediterranean Sea, which is called Nice. I know no other identical word in French, nor did I find the word “nisce”. Regarding the Latin verb “nescire” (i.e. “not knowing”) which is the root of the noun “nescience” in English, this “not knowing” is not really a bad thing in itself. It is simply a state of mind we might find ourselves in before having come to (the) knowledge (of God)… like a baby that is born into this world… what can he already know before he sees and hears like adults can? Hearing and seeing God in the Spirit, knowing Him, or rather, being known by Him, that is what true knowledge is all about. Or in Jesus words,
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (Jn 3:3 ESV)
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Oh boy those two comments by Jack and Gab are precious–thanks for the post.
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You’re welcome, Ken.
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Thank you Susanne.. And by no means an attempt to hijack your thread; but this is something I posted on my blog sometime back on this very thing.. Another great example given to us by Christ on this very thing is 2 Timothy 2:24-26
BEING KIND IS NOT NICE NOR BEING NICE!
Kind and Nice are contradicting words, but yet we interchange them in the realm of Christ’s teachings due to our limitations in the English language as paired with Christ
Ephesians 4:32- be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
kind – Greek: chrestos – ’employ’; be useful and give what is needed
Philippians 4:19 – My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
need – Greek: chreia – ’employment”; destitution
Kind is not niceness. The word nice is the French word nisce. It comes from ne (no) and scire (knowledge or science). Nice means to be ignorant or to have no knowledge. To “act nice” means to act as though you have no knowledge of what’s going on.
When a person knows truth, and they act nice, It IS a pretense. Nice IS not a Biblical attribute of Christians. Nice is what people become (when they “know’ truth) in order to gain favor, It is hypocrisy for men who ‘know’. To be ‘kind’ means to meet the ‘need’ of others. The words kind and need are in direct relationship to each other. The word kind and the word nice are direct opposites. The man who is kind tells all truth and sacrifices himself (Rom. 1?:1) in order to meet the need (necessity) of others, whether it be monetary, emotional, or spiritual. A man who IS unwilling to share his worldly goods or money with those who are in need does not possess the love of God (I John 3:17).
When Paul said, “My God shall supply all your need,’ the context is spiritual. He said, ‘I am instructed to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Then he said in the next verse, ‘I can do all (these) things through Christ which strengtheneth me (Phil 4:11-13)”. He was saying, ‘I can be hungry and suffer need as well as being able to abound and be full, through the kindness of God, which IS Christ giving me the ability to endure all adversity.’
Kind and need are not defined by 20th century definition. We confuse ‘kind and nice’ as well as ‘need and want”. When we are kind we are tenderhearted (full of sympathy). Sympathy (sumpathos) is to suffer (pathos) together (sum). Kindness is not always accepted by the needy. Some people ‘need’ rebuke for sin that they may repent. Others who are suffering and in anguish need someone to suffer with them (sympathy – compassion) and comfort them: Then others need our financial help.
A man never needs our niceness, putting our approval on his sin. To be nice is usually to be untruthful in word and action. Nice is a diversionary tactic called ‘guile”, which means ‘to live by trickery”. Nice cares about self. Kind cares for others. Kind tells and does all truth. Nice covers it up (acting ignorant).
Kind says and does truth, even when it is not wanted. When a mother tells her children to “act nice’ she usually means for them to pretend and be hypocritical (Don’t let these people ‘know’ what you are really like). We are kind to our children when we make them eat right, sleep right, etc. We meet their true needs, not their desires. When they suffer, we suffer with them. When they are hurt or injured we cease to be nice and we are only kind to them.
Like our children, the world is not always ready and willing to accept ‘kindness’. Jesus said, ‘Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you (Luke 6:26).’ This is speaking of inoffensive ‘nice guys’ who straddle the fence and are unwilling to take a hard line stance for truth (they are always ‘beating around the bush . Jesus said that men will give an account for every idle word they speak (Matt. 12: 6). This word idle (argos) means inactive or ‘unemployed”. Idle words are unkind because they do not meet the need (becoming employed). Idle words are nice words. Jeremiah called these words lightness (easy or unimportant) and identified them with lies (Jer. 23:32). A kind man cares enough for others to deny himself, speaking truth, and supplying the need even at the cost of persecution and defamation of his character (Luke 6:22). If we are to be kind, we will tell all men all truth. There is nothing wrong with being nice (being ignorant). It is only when we ‘act nice’ (pretending that we don’t know) that we lie in wait to deceive (Eph. 4:14)’.
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I agree with this, TJ. You wrote,
“A man never needs our niceness, putting our approval on his sin.”
This is a kind of “niceness” that is detestable in God’s sight, for sure!
Pretending that we don’t know is a paraphrase for lying, isn’t it?
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TJ, by your definition I would say that you have a “nice” profile on your gravatar. It leaves us ignorant of who you are and your abbreviation “TJ” is no help, either. Neither Susanne or I leave any doubt to those who want to know who we are. Would you care to join us by doing the same instead of hiding your identity?
Thank you,
Michael
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I began a response, Susanne. But, once again, your post prompted one of my own. ❤
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Hahaha… XD
You are so funny, dear Anna. ❤
I am looking forward to reading yours! 😉
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I am a people pleaser. Now may GOD help me to stop doing that.
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Yes, Fred. Nobody but God can help us here. It is the experience of His love that is greater than any other we might have experienced in our life that finally sets us free from people pleasing.
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Reblogged this on Entering the Promised Land and commented:
This is a reblog of an older article of mine from December 2015. Just yesterday, once again, I felt that the boundary I need to draw regarding commenters who come to my blog and write in a dishonest or phony, though seemingly often kind way, must be drawn much closer than before. What God revealed to me this morning was WHY Jesus was not a nice guy. The simple truth is this: Our Lord NEVER submitted to demons who spoke through human beings; He only submitted to His Father’s Holy Spirit. Therefore Jesus seemed to be even impolite and harsh at times. It was not so that Jesus did not love the people, but He loved His Father more. If you like to compare another earlier entry in which I exposed on my own experiences and on the WHY I began to draw these boundaries last year in November, you might check out https://enteringthepromisedland.wordpress.com/2015/11/11/do-not-allow-demons-to-speak/.
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