During the last weeks I have been going through severe spiritual sufferings while God poured His light into my spirit and soul.
As I had reached the (what I thought to be the) bottom of all pain, I knew I was dying. Indeed, it was my SELF that was fiercely struggling to survive, yet God “won”. Oh, dying is a very lonesome affair!!!
At the very painful bottom of it all, I saw that I had no real trust in God because I had projected all my negative experiences with men on Him. Furthermore, I didn’t want to pray any more, I didn’t want to do God’s will any longer, and last but not least, I didn’t want to do my own will any more, either. To perceive such an apparent contradiction was a very strange experience, indeed.