Susanne Schuberth’s Spiritual Diary (Part 5) – “Beholding Him”

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encouragement, eros, experience, God's love, intimacy, Jesus Christ, joy, knowing God, light, Longing for God, my journal, peace, prayer, the fear of God, the promised land, walking by the spirit

Photo by Susanne Schuberth

I just decided to translate, edit, and publish another part of my spiritual diary in which I described my everyday experiences with God in the Spirit about seven years ago. The following excerpt can be read in direct succession of Susanne Schuberth’s Spiritual Diary (Part 4) – “A Dream Come True…” Below you will find my try of describing these seemingly contradictory experiences of the love and the fear of God, affecting and smiting you at the same time. If that is not confusing to a human being, I don’t know…

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Susanne Schuberth’s Spiritual Diary (Part 4) – “A Dream Come True…”

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anxiety, church, depression, dreams, experience, family, fears, fellowship, freedom, interpretation, John of the Cross, joy, Michael Clark, my journal, prayer, suicide, the dark night of the spirit, visions

“GRACE behind the fence…” (number five represents GRACE)
Photo by Susanne Schuberth

Well, seven years ago, as I was still all alone in my walk with Daddy and Jesus, I was plagued by several fears. At that time, it was not that clear to me what the root of these fears was. As I know today, it was the fear of death, not of my own death since I had a wonderful NDE (near death experience) in 1998, but of losing my loved ones (parents, daughter, husband… you get the picture). After having already lost our only son through a miscarriage in 2009, these fears kept coming back much stronger than before, again and again. I have been pretty anxious all my life, however, during the Dark Night of the Spirit (see John of the Cross’ same-titled book) that began in 2010, it got worse and worse, i.e., God began to open the deep recesses of my heart so that I could both see AND feel these fears – extremely!!!

Christ in Us – The Hope of Glory

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divorce, experience, eyes of the heart, God's love, Jesus Christ, light, love, marriage, Paul Schuberth, peace, spiritual power, William Shakespeare

My husband Paul
(Photo by Sarah Schuberth)

The description of a mystical experience I want to share with you today is very personal and I already wrote about it more than a year ago in an email to someone else. In contrast to all those other mystical experiences with God I wrote about before, that one included my husband Paul. In order to help you understand where I am coming from, I am giving you some more information about my personal life so that the whole experience itself might make more sense to you. Here is what I learned from God about how He sees marriage and particularly about how He sees us.

Susanne Schuberth’s Spiritual Diary (Part 3) – “Borders Between This World and Beyond Becoming Blurred…”

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God's love, heart, mind, peace, rest, revelation

Summer in the Mountains (Wallpaper)

It was in summer, later in the afternoon, as I was lying on my hotel bed. Not on my back, but on my side and my head was resting on my left arm. That way I was looking out of the window to the mountain top vis-à-vis for a very long time. The bottom of the mountain shone forth summer-green which was a pleasure to the eyes of the beholder. Above the gray and rugged peak a deep blue sky without any clouds spanned the earth.

The Temptation of Spiritual Gurudom

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darkness, experience, healing power, Holy Spirit, John Wesley, light, love, manifestations, Satan, self, spiritual power, truth

What We Really Need
(Photo http://www.richinchristnow.com/2013-resolution-or-revelation)

The first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 12, verses 7-11 ESV reads as follows,

(7) To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.
(8) For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit,
(9) to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit,
(10) to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues.
(11) All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.

What is the Baptism in the Holy Spirit?

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anointing, assurance, Baptism in the Holy Spirit, Charles G. Finney, experience, Jesus Christ, justification, light, love, repentance, spiritual power, The Holy Spirit

God’s Eternal Light from Above
(Picture taken from http://www.simplyheavenlyfood.com/2013/12/word-of-day-december-292013.html)

John the Baptist said,

“I baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.” (Mt 3:11 ESV)

Although I had heard about the Baptism in the Holy Spirit in the Pentecostal camp before and I had indeed found some hints in John of the Cross’s autobiographic entries as well, yet as IT would happen to me, I had no clue what THIS could be. Therefore I asked God to help me grasp that overwhelming experience that finished my justification process, during which I had been feeling my own sinfulness to an increased degree as a very painful fire burning in my heart for many weeks in 2008.
Our God was so gracious to point me to Charles G. Finney’s autobiography where I found my own experiences confirmed. Finney who was an American Presbyterian minister and leader in the in the United States in the 19th century offered a very helpful narrative that answered many of the questions I had at that time.

Inspired by His Love

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charity, experience, following Jesus, freedom, God's love, heart, homeless people, inspiration, joy, light, love, Nürnberg, peace

Weißer Turm (White Tower) in Nürnberg
(Source http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weißer_Turm_Nürnberg)

“It is said that love and a cough cannot be hid.”
― Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night

Or in other words,

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Mt 5:14-19 NIV)

Entering the Promised Land

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being born again, compassion, dying to self, ecstasy, experience, freedom, God's love, Jesus Christ, joy, love, peace, sanctification, the Kingdom of God, the new self, the promised land

Behind the Veil (Painting in watercolors by Susanne Schuberth)

Sharing the heart of God, our view of life and people changes dramatically. Being set free from old habits, we can change our former “automatic reaction mode” into the new seeing-as-God-sees and feeling-as-God-feels “unconditional compassion mode”.

The Last Surrender

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being born again, darkness, light, love, pain, peace, sanctification, sin, spiritual power, the new self

Lonely Church in the Woods (Photo by Paul Schuberth)

During the last weeks I have been going through severe spiritual sufferings while God poured His light into my spirit and soul.
As I had reached the (what I thought to be the) bottom of all pain, I knew I was dying. Indeed, it was my SELF that was fiercely struggling to survive, yet God “won”. Oh, dying is a very lonesome affair!!!

At the very painful bottom of it all, I saw that I had no real trust in God because I had projected all my negative experiences with men on Him. Furthermore, I didn’t want to pray any more, I didn’t want to do God’s will any longer, and last but not least, I didn’t want to do my own will any more, either. To perceive such an apparent contradiction was a very strange experience, indeed.

Losing track of SELF

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experience, freedom, God, Kundalini, meditation, psychology, sanctification, spiritual power, spiritual transformation, the new self, the old self, ZEN

THE FINAL BREAKTHROUGH 🙂 (Photo by Paul Schuberth)

How to explain what can hardly be described verbally? I don’t know what to write about IT yet, but I am trying, though…

Losing track of SELF means letting go of

(1) our thoughts – both negative and positive
(2) our feelings – both negative and positive, too
(3) our plans to do this or that by all means at a certain time