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controlling spirits, discerning the spirits, experience, family, fellowship, Fellowship of His Sufferings, following Jesus, Jesus Christ, manipulative spirits, Michael Clark, Resisting the Devil, resurrection power, spiritual experience, spiritual power, Testimony, the law
Maybe, you like me, have come to know difficult people. Maybe, even VERY difficult people. Perhaps, these people were not only strangers, neighbors or friends. Well, you might have had to deal with difficult loved ones for years or even decades. As much as we should love our enemies when they attack us, speak evil of us, yeah, persecute us because we follow Christ, in the same way we ought to be cautious to listen to God’s leading when we are confronted with such persons.
It is not helpful to always blame ourselves for not being able to love them as we think we should. Sometimes, instead, we need to take a stand and resist the devil who drives them. If we submit to a controlling and manipulative spirit in others, we cannot follow the Lord just the same. In such cases Satan is allowed to make us angry, upset, resentful and… we are hurting at that! Yet, is all this pain really necessary, i.e., has it all been part of God’s plan for us? Or was it rather the devil who knows the full range of how to destroy our God-given peace through any kind of dead works of the flesh? 🤔
I will give you an example here. For decades I have struggled with a helper syndrome plus a people pleaser personality of sorts. I know I have been that way all my life, like my mom and her mom as well. The reason for behaving that way lies in an extreme longing for (outer) harmony. Even though we might sense that such a harmony is only superficial (as the struggle keeps tormenting our inner man), we do everything to comply with the manipulator’s “rules”.
If we ask ourselves honestly, “Are we happy while doing so?” well, we need to admit that the only gain here is to be “loved” or at least accepted by others ….. as long as we do what they want us to do. And, dear brothers and sisters, their requests can sound very sincere to an undiscerning Christian ear. What do I mean by this?
I do not want to share too many personal details here as I know that one or another family member checked my blog in the past. So I try to cut my personal story as short as possible in order to rather point to God’s liberating power afterwards. As for me, I have been struggling with ill health for more than 16 months now. Covid-19 and about 25 different post-Covid symptoms have had a severe deteriorating effect on both my body and outer appearance (that is, I lost my facial and body hair completely) and on my mental health as well. I do not want to complain nor lament here as I have felt God’s presence all along, for which I am incredibly grateful.
Last year one of my loved ones asked me a favor. This person needed my help as for filling in some papers. Usually, I always support this person, but at that time I felt the Holy Spirit warning me, not as subtly as usual, in fact, even strongly. This person wanted to apply for public funds by using a lie. As I asked this person whether what should have been jotted down on the paper was really the truth, this person began to evade my questions by trying to embellish the lie. I felt repelled and said that I would not support a lie, ever. I would only help there if everything written down was the truth. That was it for me, indeed. However, from that day on I had more than one enemy in my family as several people came to know what I “did”. So I know now how persecution in your own family looks like as I have been ridiculed regarding my physical and mental suffering, too. That hurt a lot, I can tell you… 😦
Last week things seemed to have got worse and worse. Actually, I have felt depressive for more than six months now during which I kept weeping and weeping, not being able to change my mental situation. It was not clear to me what was wrong as I sensed the Lord close to me all the time. He was still answering my prayers, yet only for others, as it seemed to me. 🙄 So, I let others pray for me and I was waiting month after month. Alas, no real breakthrough, quite the contrary, it appeared to me at times. It was like being stuck in a paralyzing stage. I could not remember when I had felt joy in the Lord for the last time; indeed, Susanne was like a walking dead. As long as I cared for others, I could partly forget my many problems. But finally, caring for others did not work anymore, either. My battery was empty as I was running out of all life energy. Nothing worked as it did before. Panic attacks arising, anxiety, confusion – you name it.
I recall there was a day last week when I looked at a Scripture I had kept on a bookshelf. It was John 10:10 that contains Jesus’ promise to give life, even abundantly. To be honest, I was tempted to tear it to pieces, doubting that I would ever see the light again. The apostle Paul knew similar situations when he wrote,
“For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” (2 Cor 1:8-9 ESV)
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” (2 Cor 4:7-10 ESV)
One evening as I was trying to pray in the living room, I saw Jesus to my right side in the spirit. I could not clearly see His face, only his shape, so to say. The light around Him seemed to be rather dark, too. I felt no nudge to say anything as I was simply sitting there, awaiting nothing. So sad, so hopeless, having run out of all possible prayer requests as well. Suddenly He raised a question. Even as He began to speak, I felt it was truly God’s voice. So clear, so easy to discern, His words started to have an effect on me human words never have had. Jesus asked seriously, almost with a sad undertone,
“Do you believe that I am the life?”
I sensed that He did not expect an answer. Instead, this short and seemingly simple question has begun a work inside me as these words immediately started to reverberate in my whole being, triggering every dead spot they could reach. The first effect was that I kept weeping for one and a half hours without ceasing. But for the first time I felt relieved as I could let it all out, so to speak. All this frustration, all the pain, my helplessness to change anything, my utter inability to rejoice in the Lord always and so on and so on. For the first time I saw that Jesus had been really sad, too, as He felt compassion with me in a way I had never expected. From that evening on, things have begun to change for the better, even rather quickly.
The very next day I came to see that I have had internal ‘laws’, tradition, habits, however you call it, that kept me from following the Lord closely. While fellowshipping on the phone, Michael Clark said an interesting thing to me. He told me about how Paul reacted when Jesus met him on the road of Damascus. Paul was blinded by the light and did not know who this Lord could be. It seemed to me that was my experience during the last year plus something as well. Although I should have known from the past that God is love, I could not feel it anymore. At times it seemed that He was all against me due to these many trials that were so often sheer torment. Theoretically I knew that I have been under attack due to a spiritual warfare that has been going on, yet I wondered why Jesus helped almost everyone I prayed for but not me! 🙄
Michael had shared several Scriptures with me, yet all of a sudden, I heard the Holy Spirit speaking to me when Michael asked, “Paul knew the Law, but did He know the Lord?” Ha! 😊 Michael found out that I have had several laws inside me that kept me from closely following the Lord as to his moment-by-moment guidance. For instance, the law of being “a good daughter”, “a good daughter-in-law”, “a good neighbor”, “a state-law-fulfiller”, whatever. Day after day I sense as soon as I have been triggered by someone’s words or behavior that the reason for feeling this pain is another deeply rooted law inside me that bars me from real life and freedom in Christ. Indeed, this is bondage!
Imagine that I always run when someone needs my help, even only on the phone. I have learned to not do it with commenters on the internet and strangers anymore, yet I have had to learn it regarding family, too. There are manipulative relatives who know that they get my attention when they want it because if I cannot immediately comply with their requests, they somehow make me feel ‘guilty’ (I guess they were most of the time not aware of their own doing here). For years I could not comprehend why some people could trigger me so easily. Avoiding them did not help as whatever they had said or done never disappeared from my mind and imagination. Although I could superficially forgive them, the pain resulting from their offenses was still inside my heart.
It was only yesterday on another Catholic feast day in Germany that Jesus has begun to surprise me. My hubby Paul and I wanted to spend a restful day together at home. However, beginning at noon someone with a controlling spirit called several times on the phone. Usually, I either responded at once or I felt driven to call back later since I could not say no to such an obligation; often times it was even a ‘I MUST do it’, i.e., I had to keep ‘the law’ I have learned in childhood or later. Not so yesterday.
This person spoke on the answering machine, and I could clearly hear the wish to control us. They thought we were at home and did not answer intentionally (which was true). Therefore this person got really mad at us. Before we had felt some peace, but then it was all gone. Yet out of the blue, Jesus told me to RESIST this old familiar ‘urge’ to comply. Believe it or not, even at that very moment, I was set free. Boom!! Invisible chains seemed to have fallen down and I felt no false guilt and no nudge to call back at all. 😊 For the very first time in my life I had the strength to resist the spirit in a close relative. And I felt such Joy! And Life! And Peace! And even the power to control my own thoughts and behavior. I was amazed at how that had happened in such a short time.
As I was happily walking to and fro the long corridor of our flat, enjoying this new freedom, I perceived somehow Jesus walking inside me. Huh? 🙄 What an amazing condition! 😊 It was no longer the old miserable and weak “I” that was crawling about in order to please people. Instead, I felt the Lord was pleased with this “Walking Liberty” (which was a sort of prophecy God once gave me through Michael years ago). 😉
So, this person called us a second time, and a third time shortly afterwards… and even a fourth time yesterday. I did not call back as I heard an evil spirit manifesting, even on the answering machine. It was nasty, it was ugly, and very offensive… but I felt no anger or resentment anymore, I felt free to live AND to love without holding back anything. Wow… 🙄
I have realized that loving our enemies is always only possible if we understand the laws inside them that keep them in bondage. The more God shows me my own internal laws (and boy, there are many!), the more I see them working in others, too. It seems there is no need for me to explode anymore. Furthermore, there is no need to re-act according to anyone’s wishes and desires but God’s alone. Jesus Himself never reacted, He always acted on what He saw His Father doing. Again, it was Michael Clark who once shared this revelation with me when God had told him, “There is only a Book of Acts, not of Re-Acts.” 😉 So very true! 😊
I was just reminded of the following Scripture that made it clear to me that God never speaks to us without a reason.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
“For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.” (Isaiah 55:8-13 ESV – emphasis in italics added)
It seems that we always experience the power of His resurrection after we have had a share of the fellowship of His sufferings also. I do know that when we are somehow stuck inside the suffering state, we can hardly see anything good anymore. Then we need to cling to mere faith in God and wait on the Lord, as hard as it seems to be at times. Even if we must wait on Him for a very long period of time, we should trust that God always keeps His promises. And even if our circumstances have not changed yet, the power of His resurrection allows us to share more of God’s higher perspective on all things that belong to this earthly life. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Freedom, indeed!
It was also yesterday that I saw why I had so little success in resisting the devil in the past. Often times I felt like a puppet in the hands of evil spirits that kept torturing me with their flaming darts for many years. As far as I remember, it was only a few times that I sensed the Lord setting me free during that period. Reading the Scripture beneath, the scales fell from my eyes.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7 ESV)
Oh my, I had tried to resist the devil on my own before my whole being had been submitted to God. I never saw the context here so clearly before! We cannot submit to God and to the devil at the same time, it is always either – or. However, we cannot set ourselves free, either. This process like any other spiritual work has been God’s doing alone. Period.
I have been humbled by God through all this suffering, but I am deeply thankful today!
😇🙏🏼👌🏼
All images by Susanne Schuberth 2021
Michael said:
My dear friend IN Christ,
What a wonderful report of your new found freedom from the controlling laws of the devil! I am so happy for you and so blessed to be a small part of it with the light the Spirit moved me to shared with you. You have been a blessing to me many times as well, Thanks for all your prayers.
Thank you, Daddy for all that you have done in our lives through Your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thank you, Michael. You are very welcome as to my prayers, my dear brother. You have proven to be the faithful friend and treasure from God who has walked the extra mile with me. You shared all my sufferings and never complained about feeling my pains as well. I have been blessed to share your heart and burdens also. Stay who you are in Christ! He has made you to be a strong pillar in God’s spiritual temple, a pillar on whom other believers can lean.
Your sister in all your suffering as well,
Susanne
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Michael said:
Dear Susanne,
Solomon wrote, “The man of many friends [a friend of all the world] will prove himself a bad friend, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov 18:24, AMP)
It seems that most of what calls itself “Christian fellowship” in this world is of the former category. But those who have bonded IN Christ don’t seek the world’s popularity or numbers of so-called “friends.” True brotherhood IN Christ is never easily offended or is easily put off. When we first met on this blog many years ago at first I was afraid of you because of your openness and honesty.Then I heard the Lord say, “Be open to her and stick with her for I will see you through all that you will go through in your relationship and you will both grow in my Spirit.” We both had a boat-load of emotional triggers from all that we went through among “Christians with many friends” in the past, but Christ has seen us through it all. This could never had happened in today’s normal “church relationship.” Yet, we both longed for the closeness that could be ours in Christ. What we have found together IN Him is truly a gift as we are being conformed through all our trials into the image of Christ. You too are a treasure from our Daddy.
“But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shines more and more unto the perfect day.” (Prov 4:18, KJ2000)
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thanks again, Michael. Yes, ours was not always an easy-going fellowship, especially in the beginning due to these many triggers on both sides. But it has been worth it all as God has proved again and again that His word never returns to Him empty. Instead, it accomplishes that which God purposes and it succeeds in the thing for which He sent it. I guess we both had not expected how blessed and strong such a spiritual relationship could be and how much it could even influence our marriages and families since God wants to save all of us.
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Michael said:
Susanne, that is a important point, the good that He has worked in our marriages and families by changing us. Like Paul said,
“For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (1Cor 7:14, ESV2011)
Truly His working in our relationship has done miracles. ⭐
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
True! 👌🏼
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Carina said:
Helper syndrome + people pleaser. Are we twins? 😉
I can relate to so much here. I have inherited these traits from my “saintly-helping-hand” mum. And also, my father was never pleased with me unless I brought great grades from school or behaved like a quiet, still, non-problematic child. Which meant I grew up with many things left unsaid and festering within, because saying them might mean conflict, and deep down I was unsure and afraid of being myself. Early teenage years brought rage and confrontation. From 16 onwards, a renewed search of God, which in Catholicism meant renewed guilt… and silence.
I always wanted people to just shut up and stop harassing me. I wanted quiet time to read a book, write stories, think deeply about things. But I grew up in a war zone, which lead to some neurological (sensory processing disorders) and psychiatric issues that Jesus has not solved 100%. Physical issues too. Jesus has provided an explanation of my dust-mite allergy (I need to shake the dust off my feet) and related asthma (I grew up in Malos Aires, basically, and this toxic environment affected my very breath which in a sense represents our relationship with God at the deepest level). Yes, it’s very hard to say no, even harder to confront when certain key people will react. And it’s impossible to our flesh to forgive certain things, too.
It’s only in the last few months that I understood, to my “marrow-bone” level, that God is my Father. And that has made all the difference. It definitely feels great to be Abba’s daughter! I can take some flak and know it’s part and parcel of being a true Christian. Honestly, Susanne, if we count the cost of following Jesus, we’re winners! It’s the pearl of great price. The best “deal”, even if it costs us everything in this life. But the treasure of being treasured! Just a look of Jesus saying, You are so beautiful, my bride!
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Dear Carina,
Isn’t it impossible to develop a, at least, natural self-confidence if we only feel accepted when our success of any kind seems to make others happy? 🙄 I think I can imagine how you felt as I experienced partly similar things, both during my school days, later after some more practical lessons (i.e., an apprenticeship), and during my studies at university. It appeared to me somehow – that was, at least, MY impression – that I was never good enough. Indeed, that felt like a great burden and pressure in my life.
As an introvert by nature who loved being alone I, like you, was eating up books like a book worm and I was dreaming about becoming a (great and famous 🙂 ) writer. I loved learning new languages and although it was easy for me, my self-confidence was always low. I needed such a long time until I dared to speak before others, especially in another language! Writing has not been so much a problem but speaking, always. This fear of not being successful, of being laughed at due to another ‘mistake’ I might make… you see, I cannot set myself free from this engraved perfectionism. If God does not intervene, I will struggle with my inner wounds and triggers forever and a day.
Indeed, following Jesus, being loved by Him and our Heavenly Daddy without having to prove ANYTHING, finally, this is freedom! Everything we ought to do will be brought forth by the Spirit of God inside us. Basically, we could lean back, rest, and let Him do whatever is necessary inside us. I assume, when we are healed on the inside, the outside might follow, too.
“But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall.”(Mal 4:2 ESV)
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Michael said:
Carina and Susanne, Boy can I relate! This is what I grew up with as well… parents that were more interested in how I made them look than loving me as I was. Like Carina, I sought unconditional love in churches and that only made it worst because their love was totally dependent on me keeping their laws or doing works that made them more successful. I tried so hard to please people that I might be loved with God’s love, but like a circus dog, the hoop was only raise higher each time I succeeded in jumping through it. I didn’t begin to know how much God loves me under that system.
So many laws within and without! It has been a long journey to come to the place where I knew what Paul was talking about when He wrote, “It is for freedom Christ has set you free. Do not be entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” This yoke is law keeping instead of being led by the love of God in His Spirit. Stay free IN Him dear sisters. He loves you so much!
“These things have I written unto you concerning them that deceive you. But the anointing which you have received of him abides in you, and you need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teaches you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it has taught you, you shall abide in him.” (1John 2:26-27, KJ2000)
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Yes, Michael, I presumed you could relate here. I am so thankful for this anointing from God which He gave us to set us free, even royalty-free, from this bondage religious people, unaware or not, always impose on the gullible believer.
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Carina said:
You nailed it! One of my dad’s frustrations was the fact that he couldn’t finish his engineering studies. He had to work to help support his family and in the end, a couple of subjects proved too difficult for his overburdened mind. Since he had a good job, he didn’t try to continue his studies at a “one subject per year” rate.
So you can imagine what it felt like to be the littlest, supposedly brightest star in the family. My oldest bro was autistic (a great blow to my dad’s pride!) and my middle sis was excessively shy (and certainly wounded by this environment), so though she’s very smart herself, she didn’t “shine” quite as much as I did. I was constantly trying to prove myself, to show that, though I was 3 1/2 years younger, I was every bit a grown-up as she was. So everything she did, I did. I read her books. I began to write like she did. And part of my family’s (and my personal) disgrace is that I excelled, because that greatly contributed to my sister growing up with the thought that I was what she couldn’t be.
What my dad basically did was put a lot of pressure on all three of us to stand out intellectually. My brother was sent to a technical school with a lot of chemistry, physics and math. Great for his intellect but he suffered bullying throughout his secondary school and the subjects’ demands were also very high for his emotions. Changing schools was never even considered (because feelings were not considered in the ultimate equation).
My sister and I were sent to a school that focused on business subjects. I wanted to do the “bachillerato” which included more social sci subjects, but they said, No, this will not help you get a job if you can’t go to university. So when I had to decide what to study at uni, I had really “learned my lesson”, repeated over and over, that you can’t make a living out of the arts unless you willing to prostitute yourself and decided against my calling, which was Literature and Writing, and majored instead in Translation.
I learned at age 16 (and continue to learn, as the Holy Spirit doesn’t mind repeating His lessons) that spirituality was far more important than intellect, but yet found it really hard to shake the pressure of proving myself. My career did not yield the success everybody promised. In fact, I suspect when it comes to money, I would have made a better living if I had studied what I wanted to study, perhaps as a Spanish teacher as my main bread-earning job. Just recently, one of my husband’s friends earned a literary prize, one I yearned for years ago. Another cousin of mine who is in new age and channels demons, has written and illustrated (he’s extremely talented for drawing) three or four books. And I could never sit down and write my (I think God-given) novel, only God knows why. But one day I came to terms with the fact that God’s measure of achievement is totally different from what the world, and even the visible church considers achievement. It’s our heart He treasures. It’s our hidden battles that matter the most. Our life is hidden in Christ! And we can only “shine” with His good light if we love truth in our inmost parts and accept the way of the Cross, refusing to “keep up with the Joneses” and display the fig leaves of religion or the outward successes of unbelievers.
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Carina, you said,
“But one day I came to terms with the fact that God’s measure of achievement is totally different from what the world, and even the visible church considers achievement. It’s our heart He treasures. It’s our hidden battles that matter the most. Our life is hidden in Christ! And we can only “shine” with His good light if we love truth in our inmost parts and accept the way of the Cross, refusing to “keep up with the Joneses” and display the fig leaves of religion or the outward successes of unbelievers.”
To this I say AMEN!
Just lately I thanked the Lord as He did not want me to publish a book ten years ago, a fat book with all my spiritual experiences (poems, diary, teachings etc.). The reason I am now grateful for this is that I recently read an excerpt of a woman’s book who had very similar experiences with Jesus as I had during my first (dark) night of the soul. Reading these infatuated musings made me feel repelled. It is not helpful for anyone but for yourself as it scares off people who had no such experiences.
Although my spiritual diary was only a smaller part of the book, I am relieved nobody can read it publicly today. I would be so embarrassed if these writings were available on the net or in book stores!! 😛 It seems that without the Cross working deeply in our heart, through another deep, dark night of the Spirit, we cannot really ‘hear’ what others have to say as we are still circling around our own spiritual universe.
Carina, I see, it must have been very hard for your siblings also. But somehow I understand your dad as well. You know how it is to study and I know it. My dad was pretty successful later, too, but he has always been dreaming of this academic career he could not accomplish due to WW II and esp. due to financial reasons in its aftermath. Only God can change all our hearts and show us that eternal life after this life has so much more in store than we could have ever imagined.
“But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.” (1 Cor 2:9 ESV)
PS
I did not study what I really liked, either. I have what you would call today a Master of Science in Economics. When I graduated in 1993 our degrees here were labelled differently, not bachelor or master yet. It was partly pretty dry and boring although I loved maths and law (!!), too… 😉
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Carina said:
Yes, sis. I am grateful, too, that God didn’t release me to do what I wanted to do, because honestly, I was pretty much a wilderness Christian until a very short time ago, and I realize even today there is still too much garbage to get rid of!
God’s words to Jeremiah resonate so deep in me:
“If you return,
Then I will bring you back;
You shall stand before Me;
If you take out the precious from the vile,
You shall be as My mouth.
Let them return to you,
But you must not return to them.”
Also, Isaiah’s reaction when he saw the throne of God (Isaiah 6),
“Woe is me, for I am undone!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King,
The Lord of hosts.”
The Lord has been dealing greatly with me on this “unclean lips” thing. Speaking things we sort of understand “in theory” with our minds, and half-understand with superficial emotions, this is a rampant problem in institutional Christianity. On finding God, Job trembled and said, “You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”
God doesn’t like mixtures! Half-spirit/half-flesh is not the way of the Kingdom! And yet many run to and fro with a vision, a dream, a teaching. I hesitate, I tremble at the responsibility of teaching something that is wrong and may mislead, albeit unintentionally! So I am VERY thankful He didn’t let me make a mess of my “ministry” and kept me “low profile”, though I have whined for years about this. I’m thankful even for the unfair statements (from well-meaning but very misguided religious people) that made me doubt… because in the end, I understood it’s only GOD that must get ALL the glory.
And God will do what He desires with me, and I will accept His ways and His will. I have NO idea what that will look like! I may or may not have a yes and a release one day for these “desires of my heart”. For now, I try to just listen, and rest in His care, like Mary of Bethany. Very hard when you were raised to be a Martha! For now, I just rejoice in the fact that Jesus likes me, likes spending time with me, and receives my prayers and sometimes shows me jewels in the Scriptures. I don’t think I’m all that special, but He’s really good to me and I try to be faithful in the little and honest in the innermost places. I’m still begging for mercy day and night, because this law thing bugs me. But the difference is now the law cannot condemn me, it will just point to areas of development. Like Paul stated in Romans,
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thank you for the link to my blog, Michael! 😇👍🏼
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Michael said:
You are welcome. Our life experiences interlock in our latest blogs. What a blessing to be so one IN Christ!
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
That is a big blessing, indeed, Michael ! 🕊️😇🙏🏼😇🕊️
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Anna Waldherr said:
Dearest Susanne —
It grieves me to know how much you have suffered these past months. I am immensely grateful that the Lord finally provided you such a profound release.
Like you, I am all too familiar w/ “people pleasing”. As Christians, we have a tendency to confuse that unhealthy habit w/ Christian charity. Thankfully, Christ never abandons the good work He has started in us.
May God continue to uphold you.
With love,
A. ❤ ❤ ❤
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Dear Anna,
You are absolutely right that I confused my law keeping with Christian charity! I cannot count how many decades I spent listening to people’s complaints, gossip, and incessant chatter which almost always dragged me down. Only a few times I sensed the Lord in it when I had peace and love to share their heart, i.e., when they were really suffering. But all the other times I felt obliged to listen to negativity of any kind. Afterwards I needed days until I recovered mentally as all my positive energy was GONE. I would have never thought that caring for other people as I saw fit was not part of God’s plan. What a wake-up call, indeed!
May God keep you and strengthen you in all your trials as well, dearest Anna! ❤
Love,
Susanne
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Carima said:
Good insight, Susanne. Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between endless complaints from someone who doesn’t really want to change and a genuinely suffering person who does, and just doesn’t know how. I have a neighbor who is in real trouble with her son on drugs, and she’s normally patient and respectful knowing we have two small children and cannot be at her beck and call to listen and pray for her needs. But the other day, she sort of got angry with me because I didn’t respond to a WhatsApp message a few hours after she sent it. I was puzzled, because she sent a whiny message to my husband like “I don’t know what’s going on with Carina. She doesn’t answer”, and I could see in her tone this subtle manipulation that may be unconscious. Even with people who are normally respectful, we have to set boundaries. Like you, I have decided NOT to respond to someone if I don’t feel God is leading me to that.
We keep telling people, You need to go to God. We try to show them how to depend on Him. Still, they come to us and it can be difficult to discern when it’s ok to receive them and help them and when we should say, Enough. I understand I can be a bit like my neighbor with my best Christian friends, especially in times of crisis when being alone with God can feel terrifying (you know, this deep-rooted legalism makes me feel God is frowning at me). Sometimes I feel I need a mature, spiritual believer as a “sounding board” of sorts, but I try not to invade their space. This is something I need to pray more about, because on the one hand, I do want to be used by God to uplift others, and on the other, I certainly do not want them to depend on me!
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
I agree, Carina, it is very difficult at times to decide who needs our help and who doesn’t. What you described also seemed like manipulation to me, unconscious, for sure, but most ppl are not aware of their manipulative ways. Yet we must decide what to do. Sigh. 🙄 The problem always arises when I try to understand the other person (which is rarely difficult) and then blame myself for not being that patient with them as I think I should ( another internal law, I am afraid 😛 ). In hindsight I realize that I often get nervous at first when I listen to someone who cannot stop whining. When they go on …. and on ….. I start to get angry…. finally, if I cannot finish the conversation (due to my own weakness), I could EXPLODE.
It seems the Lord showed me that my negative feelings which are the opposite of His rest, reveal my lack of boundaries. So, I am still learning, every day. Kind of exhausting at the moment. 😛
Social media can drive one nuts, too, although I only have WhatsApp now. A few days ago I deleted my archive, all my relatives except for my close family. All the false-spirited Christians had to disappear into nirvana as well. It felt good! Even liberating!! 🙂 In the days ahead I will try to wait on the Lord on what to do, to write, to answer – or when to ignore messages and phone calls completely. But I do know that I need His help and strength here as I have none.
The only thing we can always do is pray for them who tried to manipulate us, which turns out to be difficult when we are already angry, as I do know. 😉
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Michael said:
Susanne, may Jesus strengthen you in your new found freedom. You are in my prayers. “Faithful is He who has called you [into His liberty] and HE will do it!”
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thank you so much for your encouraging words, my brother! 😇 Praying for you, too. 🙏🏼🕊️👍🏼
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Carina said:
What you have said, Susanne, sounds very sensible and I’m also glad that you feel freer and more joyful now. I can only add that in the last couple of years I have… (shameful confession coming), become aware of how I have been manipulative, mostly unconsciously. When we expect too much from people in the sense of supporting, motivating, affirming us, and get angry or frustrated and sad when they don’t, and subtly adopt certain self-commiserative ways of thinking and feeling.
Just how much human affirmation do we need before we will believe what God has already said of us in the Scriptures? I believe the very reason I was so criticized by so many was that God wanted to confront me with the question, Are you going to believe what I SAY, or what people say? Are you going to rely on ME, or on other people with their fallible opinions?
This is great food for thought. Boundaries. Subtle toxic patterns we all need to identify in ourselves, first of all, and then in others. God is the source of our identity and security. It’s all about being in Him, not doing things for Him, because He’s not served by human hands as if He needed us or anything.
Thank you, dear family. May Jesus be our all in all.
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Dear Carina,
I have been a control freak myself, esp. regarding my daughter, simply out of the fear of losing her. When she left home and moved to Upper Bavaria, I was deeply grieved. But Jesus was in it all and finally He changed my heart so that I could let go of Sarah and let her live her own life, which was necessary for both of us. Meanwhile Jesus has also been drawing her ❤️ to Himself. 🤗 About three years ago God told me that she would come back. I could hardly believe it as she did not want to.
In two months she will have finished her studies at university and… yes, God put a longing for her home in her heart, she has a job in Nürnberg, and wants to live here again. Our Lord is truly faithful!
If God does not build the house… you know the rest. 😇
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Carina said:
I rejoice with you about Sarah! Wow, I can imagine your joy! I’ve also experienced a difficult relationship with my oldest, now almost 12. It was really frustrating for both of us. We still experience some of that, but there have been more of fellowship moments than ever before, so I can relate to this kept promise of God of bringing parents and children together. 🙂
And this improved relationship with my boy comes in a very difficult context, where he has been experiencing anxiety and depression because he hasn’t had “normal” school since mid-march 2020.
The pandemic has certainly put a lot of pressure on family relationships in Argentina. Last year, we had almost one full year of “school at home”. We are likely to have a similar year, and now I need to work full-time because last year we used up our whole savings. My husband takes care of the children because he lost his job, so we agreed that until he can get a well-paid job (which is unlikely because he doesn’t have a good resumé, unlike me), I will work unless God says otherwise. So for the time being, it’s four people (and a crazy, ever-barking dog) in the house and it’s an exercise in tolerance not to freak out with so much noise, and I suffer from misophonia which is already pretty bad as is. Before the pandemic, I loved my freelance translation job. Now it’s… a challenge! My patience muscles are being stretched hahaha. But God is in control. I don’t have to be! Thank God I can relax and let go. Which is harder than going to a gym for a spinning lesson, but I’m exercising. 😉
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Dear Carina,
I am happy to hear about your improved relationship with your son, too. ❤ ❤ 🙂
You are so right, this pandemic put a lot of pressure on families, here in Germany as well. So many people being ‘forced’ to do home office – some like it, others don’t – and kids who want to meet their pals, yet must stay at home and sit in front of the computer via ZOOM only. 😛
It has been the same for us here as both school and kindergarten, together with all university studies happened at home. I know how our daughter struggled in the beginning as she was not even allowed to meet a friend at all. So she moved partly back to us last year and studied from here alone. It was almost a half year she had been here and lately she said, “It was a miracle that we never had a fight.” It was God’s miracle, for sure! 😉
I hope and pray that your son might recover from all these mental problems, my dear sister. As you may know, our daughter had been suicidal for some years until 2017. That year she spent a few weeks in a psychosomatic hospital (away from home) to have her depression, anxieties, and beginning anorexia treated by medical experts. This stay there has also been part of God’s plan as He revealed to us when she left from there.
From spring 2017 on Jesus began to heal her more and more. Although there were a few backslides during the first year, Jesus took away her fear of death and of lethal sicknesses, He helped her eat like a normal human being again, and He restored our loving relationship with her which had been almost destroyed before.
And then, to my big surprise, she began to watch Christian YouTubers and wanted to have a Bible! 😉 If that has not been God’s doing, I don’t know…. 🙂 Jesus also showed her and me (through dreams and visions before it happened) what His plan for her future was: her studies away from home, what she should study, and where to move. As I was still struggling with believing these spiritual revelations, He simply said to me about six years ago,
“Sarah’s way will unfold before her.”
Yes, God is a Man of few words as Michael often says. 🙂 And God Who is faithful kept His promise all along the way. Even lately as to finding a good job here in our area, God helped a lot. He warned her to accept a job at the best and most famous office in Bavaria, which seemed to have been a chance you should have jumped at!! But God revealed the heart of the management through an ugly Asian symbol, a Feng Shui money frog (or toad) with red eyes. (*) It has been a struggle to find out that (hidden) truth without outward confirmation, for sure. However, she started to see more and more how they tried to manipulate her for their own profit. So, as she eventually said no to these guys who were NOT used to such an ‘outrageous behavior’ (as everybody longs to work for them), she found peace by accepting another job God had shown her to be the one He preferred. 🙂
(*) If you follow the link, there should be pics of this greedy creature. The description is in Portuguese of which I know you speak it, too. Btw, I do love how this language sounds …. chocolate…. abacaxi….. uma xícara de café ❤ 🙂
https://pt.aliexpress.com/i/32956055520.html
I am glad God is in control of all these obstacles you have had to meet regarding your translation job and family situation right now! 🙂
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Carina said:
I love your daughter’s testimony. I went through a lot at that age as well, but God ultimately led me “in the paths of righteousness [and of healing] For His name’s sake”. My struggle with my son is that I see a lot of myself in him, and I would so love to avoid him making the same serious mistakes that led me to a lot of very dark places. The world also seems quite crazier and more dangerous than when I grew up.
I remember as a young girl, I found Tom & Jerry and similar cartoons to be too violent. I hated that little mouse who mocked the poor big cat haha! Nowadays 99% of cartoons on commercial TV, and a lot of independent shows on YT are openly occultic, extremely violent, even the way the images flash on the screen on some shows is very odd (and it seems to be on purpose to get children addicted and trigger them neurologically), so finding healthy entertainment for children is like walking along a beautiful pasture that happens to be a minefield! With the 3-year-old is still manageable. The oldest wants to watch to YouTubers, play the same videogames his friends play (most are supposedly Christian, but you know…), not miss out on the pre-teen experience. We’ve agreed that fighting, shooting games are a no-go. But he keeps trying to negotiate… So we have to pick our battles carefully.
We don’t want to be legalists, but just to give you an example, the other day I was sitting down with my youngest watching Pocoyo and I saw with my own eyes the main character flashing the horns sign. I had seen other things in the cartoon which looked suspicious but that was it. Another cartoon to never watch again.
And I could share a lot of examples. Some months ago I was asking God what was wrong with my oldest son, and He began to show me the many occasions where I discerned there was something wrong in the contents I had him watch (I was obsessed with his “education”) and I didn’t listen. Then the Holy Spirit gave me a revelation regarding the English program my mother had bought us as children, which had been gifted to me for my son, and I had played the cassette tapes and read the stories quite a few times. He had me take a good look at it and was full of really bad stuff. People tied up, people smoking, serpents and rats everywhere, there was at least one episode that contained spells and even one image portraying a boy, who was an ET, who seemed to have one of his hands on an adult’s rear part, and the adult said, “I’m coming”. I could suddenly see why my autistic brother had certain obsessive thoughts of the wrong kind, a fixation with ETs (he even had hallucinations at one point) and even I who didn’t study the material directly was deeply affected by the kinds of interests it sparked in all of us.
So while I don’t want to obsess over these things because it’s almost unavoidable that our children (and grandchildren) will come into contact with bad content, I want to at least help them avoid the worst ones and learn basic discernment skills so they will choose wisely and not simply follow their friends.
Such a hideous frog, yuck! I think my mum once bought the elephant with the dollar and pyramids at one point. She also had red ribbons, horse shoes and many other good luck charms bought by or on recommendation of her astrologer cousin/friend. So much garbage that you could feel a dumptruck with it hahaha.
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Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through as to choosing the proper entertainment for your kids, Carina. 😔 I do know what a fight that can be and I know how bad the consequences are when our kids have a chance to do what they always wanted to do, finally. Although we cannot completely protect them, esp. when they are teenagers and start to rebel against all parental “laws”, sooner or later God will open their eyes to all this demonic content that can be found on TV, in almost all video games and on the internet.
When I complained years ago that I could not really lead Sarah into a more “godly” direction, Jesus made it clear to me that some things, even bad things, must happen. We cannot avoid them as they are also part of His plan. I cannot say I liked hearing that, but eventually I saw that He is a real Savior Who cares for our offspring more than I ever imagined.
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Michael said:
Amen to that, Anna!
And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it. (1Thess 5:23-24, KJ2000)
Michael
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