Tags
darkness, doubts, experience, eyes of the heart, faith, fun, God, healing, humor, miracles, pain, true faith
December 23, 2014 (Tuesday)
In the afternoon when I was biking, I suddenly got a strange tooth ache caused by an inflammation of the nerves which normally lasts for a few days (at least). Since I was frustrated with God today more than once, I was not in the mood of a humble prayer. Instead I tried to ignore Him. However, I got more and more mad at God because of the pain while riding and I had to talk with someone about it.
Outside of the city and even beyond the bounds of smaller villages, there were only God and me. So, with whom could I have talked about my anger? But the only thing I told Him was, “Oh, another pain? Not only in my heart as almost always – okay… You are God, You can do as you wish and can I do nothing about it.”
Shortly afterwards I thought about praying for healing, but NO – that was not a good idea, and it was certainly not mine as I declared by turning to Him again, “You know that I have no faith in such things any longer.” Actually, there was a time when I had this kind of faith, but that was long ago. So I kept on riding.
All of a sudden I heard God’s voice, “Shall I heal you, though?” Suspicious as I was, I answered, “If you like – but know that I have no faith, still.” Yet immediately the pain disappeared into nirvana – even within a second.
However, ungrateful Susanne was still grumbling and mumbling with God.
A few minutes later, I stood at a highway and kept watching for the quickly passing cars, always looking for a space between them so that I could cross over. But no chance today. Worse than ever. Indeed, I had to wait….and wait….and wait……..until I was allowed to cross the road. Last time, God had “chased all the cars away for me” 😉 even in a rush hour when countless cars pass by. But today? Way too many cars for that time when I was there!! Finally, I stopped praying, simply wondering how long God let me wait.
VERY LONG!!!
As I gave up on asking Him, I could cross. Aha…?
At the next crossroad all cars stood still so that I could pass. And I even did not ask God to help me. That was almost a kind of miracle since they had priority – not me. As I tried to smile about it, I realized that I was still mad and sad, no thankfulness, no good thing in my heart, only darkness and (spiritual) pain.
But then… OH MY!! Additionally, a piercing pain in my left knee which springs from a badly healed tendon rupture came back and made it so difficult to go on pedaling, particularly because of the strong, opposing wind.
OUCHEEEEEEE!!!
And it got worse with every move I made. Thus I got slower and slower…
To cut a long story short, I told God that I did not yet have the faith to pray for healing, but I had no clue how to ride so many kilometers with that pain in my knee, still. Also, it was dark, getting colder, and my husband Paul had not been at home so that he could have picked me up right out in the sticks. In fact, he and Sarah, our daughter, had gone to the movies and their cell phones were, of course, turned off. Great! 😛
So what could I do but ask God for help, again, yet I didn’t ask Him for healing, only for the wisdom to decide the right thing. But our always surprising God answered, “If you like, I’ll heal you.”
Pheeew!!!
Susanne, not believing, still, but also at her wits’ end answered, “Okay.”
And the very next second – that pain was gone as well. Completely.
Shaking my head, I simply stated, “My God, you are very funny, indeed.”
December 26, 2014 (Friday)
Some people think I am crazy and I admit they might be not that wrong because I seem to act a bit foolish at times. Well, today I thought it would be a good idea to go biking despite the weather forecast announcing snow and strong winds. Actually, I never plan such excursions beforehand since I know that I can always trust in God’s guidance. If the time is right for a workout or a prayer walk, He immediately makes me feel like “can’t help doing THIS and no other thing” and if God has another thought in mind, I also know about it in my heart and then I am (somehow automatically) not keen on doing sports or similar things.
Actually life has become way easier through God’s leading. However, nothing can be planned and I admit that I do not like that fact very much – yet.
Still enwrapped in the dark cloud of suffering through which God hides the more pleasing spiritual things before my inner eyes and spiritual senses, I felt that I had to leave the house, no matter what. I simply needed to move my body in order to take my mind off of the constant cutting pains in my heart.
So, as after only one kilometer (0.62 miles) the blue sky darkened and snow and soft hail showers came down on me, it was not a problem but even fun. Indeed, I was the only one on a bike and after a few minutes I looked like a “snow woman”. 🙂
After 15 kilometers (9.32 miles) I made a short break and thought I could turn on the bike light although it was not yet that dark, only the beginning of twilight. But – NO!!! Three days before the same light, which is rather new, worked perfectly in the evening, even through the dark woods. However, today it did not work. Neither checking whether a wire had been detached nor checking the dynamo’s function did help a lot. In fact, taking off and pedaling wildly in order to push the dynamo was of no avail at all. Hmm….
Now I knew that it would be dark in at least 20 minutes, but home was still almost an hour and 15 kilometers away. And it is NOT allowed to bike in Germany without a functioning bike light.
Up the creek without a paddle, I wondered whether God, again, had another funny idea in mind today. If not, I would have to shove my bike, esp. along the road because of the police that could have seen that “lightless” biker, aka as ME. Asking Him what to do – no answer. Oh well…
I tried several times to fix the dynamo again since I perceived that it did not touch the back wheel rim as close as usual. Maybe, snow slush was the reason? Not sure.
After a few minutes it was getting darker because of more and more clouds and I was still biking on a trail along the road. As I saw some people coming my way, I thought they could not see me that quickly and clearly and thus I tried to press the dynamo while biking with my left foot to the back wheel rim. Bingo!! The headlight worked at one go. But alas, as soon as I removed my foot from the dynamo in order to go on pedaling, I found myself surrounded by darkness again.
Indeed, our God is funny!! Can you imagine how I continued biking? Whenever I saw a walker or a car, even another crazy biker in the woods (!), I immediately stopped pedaling and pushed the dynamo with my left foot. No problem downhill, for sure, but you should have seen me poking along uphill. Ha! Talking with God about it, I told Him that I would have rather that the light worked again. He asked me, “Do you believe it will work again?”
“Not sure,” I replied. “But I would not mind if You helped me.”
As you might have suspected, in no time, the dynamo began to work as usual. I really had to grin at that very moment and burst out, “My God, I do not know whether I like your sense of humor in every respect, but You are truly funny!!!”
“And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.” (Gen 1:3 ESV)
🙂
Michael said:
“The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. O taste and see that the LORD is good! Happy is the man [or woman] who takes refuge in him! O fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no want! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.” (Psalms 34:7-10 RSVA)
Oh, Susanne. I love your honesty even when you are stubborn and persist as a doubting Thomas because of the pain. Our God is so much more powerful than our doubts. Taste and see that the Lord is GOOD! We have to taste first! I can tell by the progression of your account that our loving Father is wearing down your resistance to believing that he cares about you, even in the smallest of things in your life, and wants to show you how much He loves you in each one of them. He wants to be your Sufficiency in all things pertaining to your Life IN Him… including healing you when you need it.
You are a blessing,
Michael
LikeLiked by 3 people
Michael said:
“The bulk of the New Testament is taken up with getting Christians to see what an immense realm it is into which they have come, and how they must go on… Christianity can only be kept living and fresh and full of impact as Christians are living in an ever-growing apprehension of Christ as the Holy Spirit reveals Him in the heart.
“This apprehension may only come as necessity is laid upon us by reason of suffering and trial. Capacity will increase by the stretching of suffering (see Hebrews 12, and read “child-training” for “chastening”). There is no succession in Christianity other than that of the revelation of Christ to the heart by the Holy Spirit.”
By T. Austin-Sparks from: “God Hath Spoken” – Chapter 4
LikeLiked by 1 person
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Amen, Michael. Great quotes from TAS, again. Without suffering and trial, we won’t ever be transformed into His image.
“Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.” (1 Pt 4:1-2 ESV)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thanks for your encouragement, Michael. You are a blessing as well!
Actually, I perceived that progress while writing too. In the beginning I was still full of pain and anger, but as I began to write down that entry from Friday, I realized that I had to smile, even about my own stubbornness. Am I not lovely? 😉 And indeed, it seems my faith has grown in the dark. I do not know HOW it happened, but it did.
About tasting the Lord, I feel that God, truly, loves me in a way that I do not understand because I neither grasp His leading nor His ways. But today (really TODAY) I have come to know that it is not necessary for me to love Him back. In the morning when I woke up, I felt that the pain in my heart was still there, though not that tormenting as it had been before, yet at the same time God was so close to me and I felt how much He loved me – even more than ever! However, He helped me to be honest and thus I confessed, “I am not grateful for Your love right now although I would have really liked to love You back. But I cannot. Whenever I was for a certain time happy in Your arms, You put me soon afterwards again into another valley of deep suffering so that I forgot all You had given me before. If You do not give me a genuine new heart that is able to love under all circumstances, I will be lost.”
Michael, it is so relieving to no longer feel forced to wear a “religious mask” before God. He does not love us despite our sinfulness, He even loves SINNERS. Do we really know what that means?
Yours in Him,
Susanne
LikeLiked by 2 people
Michael said:
Susanne, this is another honest and spiritually rich reply. YES! Our faith is the faith OF Jesus Christ. Paul wrote:
“Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith OF Jesus Christ, even we have believed in [Grk. eis – into] Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith OF Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.” (Galatians 2:16 KJ2000 – emphasis added)
We first believe INTO Jesus Christ! We put on Christ! “For as many of you as were immersed into Messiah have put on Messiah.” (Galatians 3:27 TS98). And now that we are IN Christ we also partake of ALL that He is INCLUDING HIS FAITH! Susanne! It is no longer about our faith, but HIS faith which operates IN US! What a fantastic revelation this is once He opens the eyes of our understanding to see it and we are watching as HE does is doing this IN you, in spite of you! As Paul so boldly proclaimed to the Corinthians,
“So let no one boast of men. For ALL THINGS ARE YOURS, whether Paul or Apol’los or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future, ALL ARE YOURS; and YOU ARE CHRIST’S; and Christ is God’s” (1 Corinthians 3:21-23 RSVA – emphasis added),
So, dear sister, we are in our Father’s “School of ALL.” What part of “all” don’t we understand??? This is where His Spirit of Revelation comes in and takes dominion in us for His kingdom that the faith OF Jesus Christ in the Father might not be hindered by us. This is also where the work of the cross on our old doubting natures comes into play, cutting the legs out from under that old self nature so that we only stand IN Christ. I get such a kick out of reading your vivid descriptions of this battle and watching you overcome as you abide IN Christ and rejoice as HIS faith overcomes IN you.
Susanne, you prayed a very important prayer, “If You do not give me a genuine new heart that is able to love under all circumstances, I will be lost.” THAT is what this calling of God upon us is ALL about… a NEW heart filled with HIS love that never fails. Our human love is all we have to work with at the start of this walk and we DO love Him because He first loved us. But God is replacing our frail “love for love” human love with His “love beyond reason” kind of love that is not contingent on circumstances… love unconditional. How we react in our trials is an indicator of our progress. Our Daddy really does want to give us every good gift and one of the most important of all of these is HIS love that never fails.
“Love never fails: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.” (1 Corinthians 13:8-10 KJ2000)
The more that HIS love takes over in us the less important are the outwardly manifested gifts we once reveled in… even the Bible “knowledge” we once accumulated begins to pale compared to the intimacy of knowing Him as our Husband.
“If the LORD delights in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it to us; a land which flows with milk and honey.” (Numbers 14:8 KJ2000)
if we have believed INTO Christ the “If” has been removed by the sacrifice and obedience of the Son. IN Christ the Lord DOES delight in us and WILL bring us into His land and give us everything! Amen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
AMEN to your prayer. Actually, Michael, you said it so well,
“We put on Christ!… And now that we are IN Christ we also partake of ALL that He is INCLUDING HIS FAITH!… It is no longer about our faith, but HIS faith which operates IN US!!”
Wow! ⭐
Also, the following you wrote was very encouraging to read for me.
“I get such a kick out of reading your vivid descriptions of this battle and watching you overcome as you abide IN Christ and rejoice as HIS faith overcomes IN you.”
Thank you so much for saying THIS, my dear brother!! Your words have lifted me up again while I have been struggling in another trial. You also said, “How we react in our trials is an indicator of our progress.” Matches with following quotes, I believe.
“When you wear the weed of impatience in your heart instead of the flower Acceptance-with-Joy, you will always find your enemies get an advantage over you.”
“The heart knoweth its own sorrow and there are times when, like David, it is comforting to think that our tears are put in a bottle and not one of them forgotten by the one who leads us in paths of sorrow.”
― Hannah Hurnard, Hinds’ Feet on High Places
In His Love,
Susanne
LikeLiked by 2 people
kenneth dawson said:
there is nothing like just being plain ole honest–I go through the exact same experiences and every time God gets the last word–surely he must laugh at our doubting minds.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
It is encouraging for me to hear that you go through exactly the same experiences with God, Kenneth. It is anything but easy, right? 🙄
As for our doubts, I think that God understands our wavering and small faith. When He leads us into such situations which we do not like at all, He only wants to make us realize that we have nothing in our flesh that would be qualified to be built upon. He merely wants us to really RUN to Him and cry for that new spiritual life from above.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Michael said:
YUP!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pat Orr said:
Susanne, do you ever ride your bike with any other human along on another bike, or do your reserve the bike rides to be with God only? My legs have not been able to ride a bike without continuos pain for many years, and it has been many years since I have lived where snow was very common. Even so, you present an almost enviable picture. I enjoyed the ride from in front of my computer screen.
Truly God is our help, even though, it may be on His terms – not ours. The longer I know Him the more I love His terms(His ways), even though they are not pain free.
In His love, Pat Orr
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Dear Jacqui,
Your comment has been very edifying for me today and I am thankful that God confirms through you that is it better to be completely honest, not only with Him but also before our brothers and sisters. I do admit, though not gladly, that is not an easy part of being stripped off of self so that I can give up on anything that I thought to be my own and made me look better than I really am. In fact, I am glad I made you smile and I was amazed to read,
“When I saw that you had written my heart skipped knowing I would enjoy it. I did!!“
WOW!! That is encouragement at its best! 🙂
Much love ❤
XX Susanne XX
PS
Actually, it has not begun snowing until yesterday. Before we simply saw some snow flakes for at most five minutes in December. Instead, the weather in Germany was like late autumn and I even was able to reap strawberries and tomatoes on the roof top only three weeks ago. Imagine that! 😛
LikeLiked by 2 people
wayne said:
while i was reading your article, which i thought was very enjoyable and real , i kept hearing this word “i am black but comely which is from Song of Solomon chapter 1 vs 5. here is what Matthew Henry commentary says about that verse – The spouse was black as the tents of the wandering Arabs, but comely as the magnificent curtains in the palaces of Solomon. The believer is black, as being defiled and sinful by nature, but comely, as renewed by Divine grace to the holy image of God. He (she) is still deformed with remains of sin, but comely as accepted in Christ. He (she) is often base and contemptible in the esteem of men, but excellent in the sight of God. The blackness was owing to the hard usage that had been suffered. The children of the church, her mother, but not of God, her Father, were angry with her. They had made her suffer hardships, which caused her to neglect the care of her soul. Thus, under the emblem of a poor female, made the chosen partner of a prince, we are led to consider the circumstances in which the love of Christ is accustomed to find its objects. They were wretched slaves of sin, in toil, or in sorrow, weary and heavy laden, but how great the change when the love of Christ is manifested to their souls
wayne
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Thank you very much for your encouragement, Wayne.
It was amazing for me to read that you indeed kept hearing exactly those words the Lord made alive to me when He called me in Juli 2000. Although I believed in Him and walked with Him before, I had never heard His voice so extremely deep in my heart and mind that I thought I would go insane at once.
I had just opened the Bible and began to read Song of Songs as suddenly the very same picture you mentioned began to burn like an all-consuming fire in my heart so that I thought the Bible would burn as well (the whole “burning period” lasted for about 4 weeks back then). It was clearly His voice that confirmed to me that I was indeed called to be His bride (which HE literally said two days before as I mentioned in https://enteringthepromisedland.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/my-testimony/ – 1995 – 2008: Years of the Wilderness). At that moment I KNEW whatever men might think about me, His judgment alone is what I desire because He is the ONE who knows me as I really am AND who has loved me from eternity despite my filthy garments others might see. In fact, the picture of the “comely bride” has been etched in my mind and heart so that I know I need not be afraid to show my “dark skin” to others.
Thanks again, Wayne, both for Matthew Henry’s exposition and particularly for listening to Him before you wrote this comment. I so appreciate THIS because I love hearing His voice through my brothers and sisters! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Deborah said:
Hey Susanne! I enjoyed your biking experience. And that God healed you even though you didn’t have faith; but maybe more importantly, you did have ears to hear Him ask and was able to respond with “yes or do what you like.” That’s great and I will remember that! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Hi Debbie! 🙂
I am glad to hear you enjoyed my biking experience with everything that came with that. Thanks so much for your encouragement! ❤
BTW, recently I was inspired by one of the quotes on your blog (on the question of how one grows up) to write the blog post "Growing up into Him with heart and mind". I was so intrigued by the quote that I left a comment on your blog. Yet soon afterwards I saw that your whole blog site had disappeared from the net. Thank God, I have seen that your blog is back on the net now, though without that particular post including that inspiring quote.
Much love,
Susanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Deborah said:
I thought that quote might of inspired that particular post. Thanks for telling me. I’m glad you’re glad that my blog is back. Sometimes I like digging a hole in the ground, jumping in, and pulling the ground over me — as my MIL use to say. And that’s what I did. Fortunately, Blogger must of anticipated people like me and made it easy to undelete a blog. 🙂 Much love to you too!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Yes, Debbie, Michael in his reply to you below said it so well, “You are part of us and we missed you”. ❤ ❤ ❤
But if you need another hole to jump in and disappear for some time, it is okay since now we know why you might be gone unexpectedly.
May God bless you immensely in the days ahead, my sister! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Michael said:
Welcome back, Deborah! I know that “hole in the ground” routine quite well, myself. Glad you were able to recover your blog. You are part of us and we missed you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Deborah said:
Thanks, Michael. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sky said:
Hi! Thanks for telling me about your part 2 of your testimony. I too was on your bike trip vicariously…but I was sitting with you (and Him) wondering what the two of you would do next! Thoroughly enchanted by your snowy adventure, thank you! Looking forward to reading more here and getting to know you and your buds better. 😀
LikeLiked by 3 people
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
Oh, what a sweet comment, dear Skylla!!! ❤
I am so glad that you could join me vicariously while biking. 🙂 It is always amazing to me when someone can empathize with me about my feelings that sprung from my “adventures” with God.
Thanks so much for your edifying words, my sister!
Love,
Susanne xoxo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sky said:
No. Thank YOU ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
You’re most welcome, Skylla! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Michael said:
Sky, I am glad you found Susanne’s blog. Yes, her story of her adventures with our Lord are very intriguing and a faith builder to read. I hope we all will be inspired by Him in our lives and be able to share our journeys with one another, too.
Michael
LikeLiked by 1 person
Susanne Schuberth (Germany) said:
I am happy to hear that you find my adventures with the Lord intriguing, Michael. 🙂
Thank you very much for the encouragement, my dear brother! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person