December 23, 2014 (Tuesday)
In the afternoon when I was biking, I suddenly got a strange tooth ache caused by an inflammation of the nerves which normally lasts for a few days (at least). Since I was frustrated with God today more than once, I was not in the mood of a humble prayer. Instead I tried to ignore Him. However, I got more and more mad at God because of the pain while riding and I had to talk with someone about it.
Outside of the city and even beyond the bounds of smaller villages, there were only God and me. So, with whom could I have talked about my anger? But the only thing I told Him was, “Oh, another pain? Not only in my heart as almost always – okay… You are God, You can do as you wish and can I do nothing about it.”
Shortly afterwards I thought about praying for healing, but NO – that was not a good idea, and it was certainly not mine as I declared by turning to Him again, “You know that I have no faith in such things any longer.” Actually, there was a time when I had this kind of faith, but that was long ago. So I kept on riding.
All of a sudden I heard God’s voice, “Shall I heal you, though?” Suspicious as I was, I answered, “If you like – but know that I have no faith, still.” Yet immediately the pain disappeared into nirvana – even within a second.
However, ungrateful Susanne was still grumbling and mumbling with God.
A few minutes later, I stood at a highway and kept watching for the quickly passing cars, always looking for a space between them so that I could cross over. But no chance today. Worse than ever. Indeed, I had to wait….and wait….and wait……..until I was allowed to cross the road. Last time, God had “chased all the cars away for me” 😉 even in a rush hour when countless cars pass by. But today? Way too many cars for that time when I was there!! Finally, I stopped praying, simply wondering how long God let me wait.
As I gave up on asking Him, I could cross. Aha…?
At the next crossroad all cars stood still so that I could pass. And I even did not ask God to help me. That was almost a kind of miracle since they had priority – not me. As I tried to smile about it, I realized that I was still mad and sad, no thankfulness, no good thing in my heart, only darkness and (spiritual) pain.
But then… OH MY!! Additionally, a piercing pain in my left knee which springs from a badly healed tendon rupture came back and made it so difficult to go on pedaling, particularly because of the strong, opposing wind.
And it got worse with every move I made. Thus I got slower and slower…
To cut a long story short, I told God that I did not yet have the faith to pray for healing, but I had no clue how to ride so many kilometers with that pain in my knee, still. Also, it was dark, getting colder, and my husband Paul had not been at home so that he could have picked me up right out in the sticks. In fact, he and Sarah, our daughter, had gone to the movies and their cell phones were, of course, turned off. Great! 😛
So what could I do but ask God for help, again, yet I didn’t ask Him for healing, only for the wisdom to decide the right thing. But our always surprising God answered, “If you like, I’ll heal you.”
Susanne, not believing, still, but also at her wits’ end answered, “Okay.”
And the very next second – that pain was gone as well. Completely.
Shaking my head, I simply stated, “My God, you are very funny, indeed.”
December 26, 2014 (Friday)
Some people think I am crazy and I admit they might be not that wrong because I seem to act a bit foolish at times. Well, today I thought it would be a good idea to go biking despite the weather forecast announcing snow and strong winds. Actually, I never plan such excursions beforehand since I know that I can always trust in God’s guidance. If the time is right for a workout or a prayer walk, He immediately makes me feel like “can’t help doing THIS and no other thing” and if God has another thought in mind, I also know about it in my heart and then I am (somehow automatically) not keen on doing sports or similar things.
Actually life has become way easier through God’s leading. However, nothing can be planned and I admit that I do not like that fact very much – yet.
Still enwrapped in the dark cloud of suffering through which God hides the more pleasing spiritual things before my inner eyes and spiritual senses, I felt that I had to leave the house, no matter what. I simply needed to move my body in order to take my mind off of the constant cutting pains in my heart.
So, as after only one kilometer (0.62 miles) the blue sky darkened and snow and soft hail showers came down on me, it was not a problem but even fun. Indeed, I was the only one on a bike and after a few minutes I looked like a “snow woman”. 🙂
After 15 kilometers (9.32 miles) I made a short break and thought I could turn on the bike light although it was not yet that dark, only the beginning of twilight. But – NO!!! Three days before the same light, which is rather new, worked perfectly in the evening, even through the dark woods. However, today it did not work. Neither checking whether a wire had been detached nor checking the dynamo’s function did help a lot. In fact, taking off and pedaling wildly in order to push the dynamo was of no avail at all. Hmm….
Now I knew that it would be dark in at least 20 minutes, but home was still almost an hour and 15 kilometers away. And it is NOT allowed to bike in Germany without a functioning bike light.
Up the creek without a paddle, I wondered whether God, again, had another funny idea in mind today. If not, I would have to shove my bike, esp. along the road because of the police that could have seen that “lightless” biker, aka as ME. Asking Him what to do – no answer. Oh well…
I tried several times to fix the dynamo again since I perceived that it did not touch the back wheel rim as close as usual. Maybe, snow slush was the reason? Not sure.
After a few minutes it was getting darker because of more and more clouds and I was still biking on a trail along the road. As I saw some people coming my way, I thought they could not see me that quickly and clearly and thus I tried to press the dynamo while biking with my left foot to the back wheel rim. Bingo!! The headlight worked at one go. But alas, as soon as I removed my foot from the dynamo in order to go on pedaling, I found myself surrounded by darkness again.
Indeed, our God is funny!! Can you imagine how I continued biking? Whenever I saw a walker or a car, even another crazy biker in the woods (!), I immediately stopped pedaling and pushed the dynamo with my left foot. No problem downhill, for sure, but you should have seen me poking along uphill. Ha! Talking with God about it, I told Him that I would have rather that the light worked again. He asked me, “Do you believe it will work again?”
“Not sure,” I replied. “But I would not mind if You helped me.”
As you might have suspected, in no time, the dynamo began to work as usual. I really had to grin at that very moment and burst out, “My God, I do not know whether I like your sense of humor in every respect, but You are truly funny!!!”
“And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.” (Gen 1:3 ESV)